Category: Women’s Stories

From a collection of first-hand testimonies from women. These were gathered from a survey done by Priests for Life. They can be found on the Priests for Life website.

I was just re-married and my husband was 40. He didn’t want any children by me – his kids were grown and he didn’t want to start over again raising children. He had mine (a boy of age 4) to deal with and that was enough!

I had to have the abortion 2 times. I went early in my pregnancy to get it over quick (I’m a nurse and didn’t want the baby to be too big). The doctor didn’t get all of the parts, and in one month when I should have had my period I didn’t. A blood test showed I was pregnant. I was now 12 – 14 weeks along and had to have diliteria and re-aborted. Perhaps I had had twins? One aborted the first time and another continued to grow and aborted the second time. WHAT A HORRIBLE THOUGHT!

My son is 14 now. When I see him around smaller children I realize that I killed his brother or sister. He is an only child and will be that only because of my selfishness. This is an unchangeable – unforgettable thing to do to a child. I have remorse for killing my child who I did not know, but my real day-to-day sorrow is for my living child who will be alone in this world because of me.

I pray for God’s forgiveness and for God to care for my child who is now alone in this world because of me.
I would have never had an illegal abortion. It just would not have been the easy solution to an untimely pregnancy, and we all would have survived raising another child. Now I praise God for his forgiveness of my sin but my living son still is alone. When I’m old and need help, my selfishness may be repaid by loneliness. I praise God in all situations.

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From a collection of first-hand testimonies from women. These were gathered from a survey done by Priests for Life. They can be found on the Priests for Life website.

A neighbor told me about getting an abortion while I was on welfare. Welfare paid for it. My husband was aware of the decision. We had five children and I didn’t think we could support another one.

I went to a hospital in Beverly Hills. I was asleep at the time of the procedure. The attendant that wheeled me into the surgical room called it the dis-assembly line – I’ll never forget that. I asked the man I saw before the abortion if it was really alive at the time about 2 1/2 months. He said that was something he didn’t go into.

No one will ever know but me and my x-husband. The shame I carry will always be with me. I have five children. I chose to kill one of their brothers and sisters – I am shaking now as I write this – my tears will never undo what I did.

I became a Catholic and work with Pro Life groups. I know I am forgiven – but I will never forgive myself. I think if I heard the message given out now by Pro Lifers I wouldn’t have had the abortion – a picketer would have stopped me.
I live every day with the knowledge that I took an innocent life. I always shove it away. I would go crazy if I let myself think – This is the first time I have thought this long about it. My torment is good. I deserve it. I wish I had pain during the abortion. I got off too easy.

 

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From a collection of first-hand testimonies from women. These were gathered from a survey done by Priests for Life. They can be found on the Priests for Life website.

I was using a diaphragm (obviously wrong) got pregnant went to he doctor and was told I was the nurse made the appointment right then for me to abort 2 days following.

She asked me ” Do you want to have an abortion?” At the time I was so panic stricken I replied immediately, “Yes.” The days following were a nightmare my boyfriend literally hid and gave me no support whatsoever.

It was scary degrading and cold. I was so drugged up I walked out immediately after without signing out. I wanted to just get away from the place. I went a little crazy on the way home because they gave me pills to take for a week to stop the bleeding. I freaked at the thought of having to take something in my house that would remind me of what I did. After I slept 3 hours at home I felt a little better. I could think more rationally.

The day after my abortion was probably the last time I talked about it for 11 years. I stayed with the man who got me pregnant for 16 years following the abortion. We never discussed it. Not because I didnt want to He couldnt deal with it. I cried a lot for no reason, went though a lot of depression periods. I thought at the time I was losing my mind. I would go a few months fine.and then have major bouts of depression. I was on an emotional roller coaster like that for 11 years, always contemplating seeing a therapist of some kind. Since the abortion my eating habits are horrible. I think Im fat and have to lose weight all the time. Im 5 4 at 112 lbs. Im getting better with that though.

I found Jesus Christ 11 years later. I began to deal with what I did. Im still trying. Having the Lord has been the best medicine any doctor could prescribe. Im still having a very difficult time forgiving myself for killing my baby. Its something I have to deal with everyday but everything is possible with God!

I feel at this point there is a reason for everything.right now Im very much involved in the pro-life movement and the post abortion aspect of aborted woman. Ill soon be starting a post abortion support group within our church. Its so needed. There are so many hurting women out there.

Note: religious beliefs expressed in testimonies are not necessarily endorsed by website owner

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From a collection of first-hand testimonies from women. These were gathered from a survey done by Priests for Life. They can be found on the Priests for Life website.

1. How did you come to have the abortion(s) and who was involved?

Was raped in early 80 when rape laws were much different (man ended up on AMERICA’S MOST WANTED years later). Unable to prosecute at time – knew the person from place where I worked. Attorney advised it would be his word against mine. Did not know was pregnant until 3 1/2 months. Had 5 additional abortions. Bad judgement, fear, fallen away from faith, desire to know if I could still feel.

2. How would you describe your abortion(s)

Beyond heinous. Told it was nothing more than blob of jello: not a person yet, told that if I weren’t able to care for it, what would happen? Adoption not brought up as option, I believe, except only in brief mention after scare tactics instilled. First abortion was told as coming out of anesthesia that THEY DIDN’T GET IT ALL. Other abortions had massive passing of additional tissue – not clean jobs.

3. How did your abortion(s) affect you and others?

Still not capable to trust, relate to men with healthy relationships. Afraid to enjoy sex; afraid to get intimate …like friendships, but do not like to get too close where one “crosses the border” of friendship. Affected family (only told about rape); think of unborn children’s souls a lot and get blue at certain times of year – have tried to heal, read TILLY which helped a lot, gave them names. Shame still haunts me.

4. Please describe what you have done to deal with your abortion(s), and did it help.

As stated above, read TILLY, given them names, talk to them, pray for them, ask their forgiveness, confessed in church and to GOD my sin. Talked to friends who are in counseling services for advice; try to talk others out of it when can and to make aware of what PLANNED PARENTHOOD does not tell you; took a stand and wrote the President (got a reply). Wrote story about it – for myself.

5. How do you think your abortion(s) changed your life?

Will always be with me. I think that if I could kill my children…what am I not capable of…. self esteem is not good. Try to go on; the men involved when I tried to discuss with them 1) don’t want to discuss it and if I am to be their friend, should not bring up past 2) given ultimatum: baby or lose job, place to live and me (the man): 3) birth control convenience 4) other didn’t know.

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From a collection of first-hand testimonies from women. These were gathered from a survey done by Priests for Life. They can be found on the Priests for Life website.

I was backward and immature, wanting a baby, became with child and I was unwed. Then tragedy struck the home, doctor felt abortion was the only solution. I could not cause more pain. I had the abortion.

I was uninformed. Not counseled about other alternatives, like home for unwed mothers, adoption, etc. Only, “Are you sure”? I felt hard inside. I was “put out” for the abortion, but awake knowing I was a murderer.

For me, (there followed) 20 years of post abortion syndrome. Its my fault, I pushed it dead inside. Burying it there with all my painful memories, hurt and suffering.

Prayer and Bible reading helped me. Christian music and talking about it was a great help. Going to college (not as good). Going to work compounded my problems and caused some problems in marriage and home.

I had 20 years of intermittent hell on earth. Intermittent because of my God, and husband helped love. The hell on earth came from denial and lack of memory and forgiveness to self and others. I will forever be against abortion and feel woman should have the right to full knowledge about fetal development, abortion procedures and post abortion syndrome.

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As I walked into the abortion clinic in the Washington D.C. hospital on April 6th, 1988, I was immediately given a valium to calm me and probably to keep me from backing out. My $750 was taken from me right away and I could not get it back no matter what.

In the waiting room there were at least 20 other women. One was 8 months pregnant and said she waited this long to save up enough money.

I thought to myself that that was too late to have an abortion. I was convinced that at 16 weeks, it was only tissue right now. A sonogram was given, but I was not allowed to look at it. I then had to have a psychological evaluation to make sure I was in good mind to go through with it. It took 5 minutes and even though I was crying and shaking, they said I was okay. When they saw that I might back out, they were like salespeople trying to make a sale. Then, it was time.

I was given no anesthetic and was strapped down to the bed. I then went through the most traumatic and painful experience I have ever had. I screamed uncontrollably and the nurses were screaming at me to “shut-up”. If I moved, my cervix and uterus would be destroyed. I could feel pools of warm blood oozing down my thighs and the suction was so powerful that it felt like my entire insides were being pulled out. When I begged them to stop and asked if it was over, they replied, “we have to make sure all the parts are here”. Parts? I thought this was “tissue”? I pushed a nurse out of the way and there I saw, my precious baby boy in pieces. There were body parts just tossed in a beaker. They quickly hid the evidence from me and sent me to recovery. The room had a few other girls and we were all in the fetal position, weeping. I was sent home with no plans to recheck me later and as I walked to the bus, I bled so badly that it soaked through my pants and down my legs. I arrived home and my parents kept asking how I was. I convinced them that everything was great , it was easy.

Quickly, I crawled into my bed and wept feeling sad and empty and saying over and over, “I am so sorry”. After that day, the abortion was never mentioned and completely blocked from my mind until I started experiencing Post Abortion Syndrome. May God have mercy on their precious souls.”

In Memory of my son Christopher December 1, 1987- April 6, 1988

 

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Today was the first day that I visited your site. I have already realized the huge mistake I made by having an abortion, but this site made me realize it even more. If I would have found this site before there is no way in hell I would have ever gone through with it. I had the most horrible experience with my abortion and am very depressed, it wasn’t even a month ago when it happened. Here is my story:

I am 19 years old and I found out I was pregnant on November 20, 2002. I had a difficult time being pregnant, I was having morning sickness every day all day, I couldn’t eat or sleep, all I could do was lie around being nauseous and puking. My boyfriend is 20, we have been together for 2 years and I have always wanted a baby but he was always against it until we were “ready”. When he found out I was pregnant it was very hard for him and he made it very clear he didn’t want the pregnancy to continue and at the time I began to think it wasn’t time as well. So I went ahead and agreed to have the abortion. I went the day before my abortion and signed all of the papers and heard about the procedure, I was told I would be in minimal pain and that I would be fine. So I went home and followed the instructions I was given until the procedure. I went in the next morning, I was having thoughts of changing my mind but I thought it was something I HAD to do. So I went through with it. The nurse called me in and they took my temperature and then put me in a room. The lady came in and gave me a pap smear and then began to insert the lamineria (seaweed that helps dilate cervix) into my cervix, this was so painful. As soon as she was done I began vomiting violently and crying. When I was able to walk, I went to the waiting room where my mom and aunt were waiting for me. I couldn’t even walk I was in so much pain. I spent the next 2 hours screaming and crying in pain. After those 2 hours I went to where my abortion was to be performed, when I walked in the waiting room there were about 20 other girls there waiting to kill their babies like I was. The nurse called me in and put me in a curtained room with a bed. There where about 25 little curtained rooms with other girls doing the same thing., The nurse came around and gave us all a valium and a vicadin. I passed out for God knows how long and then the nurse came and woke me up and told me it was time. I walked into an all white, very, very bright room. I saw all sorts of machines and a bed with stirrups. They put me in the bed and began what would be the worst 5
minutes of my life. The nurse removed the seaweed and proceeded to “clean me up”. Then the doctor came in, oh my god I was so scared, I wanted to just get up and go home but it was too late. He sat in the chair and opened my cervix with his fingers, I was told I was given a local anesthesia, but I didn’t feel the needle and I felt every second of the procedure, I am convinced it wasn’t administered. The nurse I had met the day before came in and held my hand. He started the suctioning and I started screaming my head off. I felt like he was ripping my insides out, it was the most excruciating pain I have ever felt in my life. I spent the whole minute and a half with my face buried in the nurses stomach screaming for him to stop. I never in a million years imagined it would be like that. At that very second I realized I should have listened to myself and not gone through with it. The doctor got up and left and the nurses cleaned me up as I screamed and cried. I sat up because I needed to throw up, the nurses quickly pushed me back down, but not before I
saw the pieces of my poor baby in a clear plastic jar. I lost it. Another nurse came in and wheeled me to the recovery room where all the other girls were. Then 10 minutes later they told me I had to go home because they were closing. So I got my instructions and went home. This was at a major medical care provider, Kaiser. I can’t believe how mean and inconsiderate everyone was. I was treated horribly and I don’t believe that anyone should have to go through this. I tell everyone now not to have an abortion because it will ruin their life. I can’t go an hour without crying and thinking about the baby I killed. I would do anything to take back that day, anything to have my baby inside of me growing, but I can’t.

I really appreciate this site it helped to know that other women are going through the same thing. No one around me really understands because they don’t know what I have been through. Thank you so much.

Sincerely,
Katie

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As I sit here and write my heart is thumping like I just ran a marathon. I don’t talk about my abortions that much, 2 to be exact. Being a divorced mother of three, I convinced myself that “getting rid of it” was for the best. WRONG!!! I still have nightmares to this very day.

The second: I was engaged, living with my fiance, going to school to become an LPN, ideal I thought. But like an idiot, I did not get the reaction I wanted, needed or expected from him, so I figured it would be a mistake to keep it. I died that day at the clinic. Look a me, a nurse who had two abortions. Look at the irony. I am supposed to save lives, not willingly take them. I ended up breaking up with my fiance, because I started to hate him for not stopping me from getting rid of our baby, but in actuality I hated myself. And what made it really hard, one of my closest friends found out she was pregnant the same time I was. Her situation was somewhat less ideal: going through a divorce, out-of-state cheating husband and two children already, BUT she choose to have her baby, a girl. A year later, I still have not been able to see the baby.

And now I find myself pregnant again. A year to the date, almost exact. But this time, the father and I are not together. I asked him to leave, because I felt pregnant or not I could do better. I am happy, extremely to be pregnant. I haven’t been able to tell my mother yet, though. Almost as if I am waiting to tell her when I get so far along that she can’t suggest an abortion. I know she will tell me how dumb I am for keeping it, with my current situation. But the feeling I get from feeling this baby grow is awesome. At nearly 16 weeks, I can feel her, I know it’s a girl, move about. IT FEELS GOOD.

I forced myself to look at the pictures of aborted babies. Because I knew that facing what I did twice, would all the more make me proud for what I refuse to do a third.

Anon

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I wish I could turn back time, I wish I would have made a better decision. I was in my early 20’s, I’m 37 now, mother of three beautiful daughters. I’ve never seen pictures like those on your site before. I wish I had of, because I would not have killed my baby. And I believe that’s what it is now – a killing – murder.

They told me that the baby wouldn’t feel anything, they told me it was okay to do it. Can you believe they told me that, and the baby was more than 16 weeks! they removed all the fluid and I was put into labour for the next 4-5 hrs or so, with a (probably) dead baby inside of me. They had me extremely drugged up, but I still remember phoning my family and friends all night from my hospital bed – I was crying so much. I’m so sorry baby, Oh my god, I wouldn’t have done it had I known the truth.

I wanted the abortion because I was a IV Drug abuser – very heavily involved in it. Also, I couldn’t have the baby’s father around anymore, because he was becoming violent. I thought the best choice was to let go of the baby, send him back to God, if you will. I thought it was the best decision – I didn’t know any better. I already had a two year old at the time…my mother took care of her most of the time. Now I’m the mom of three, and I’m clean and sober, although in bad health, but hanging in there. Loving my children so much, and trying to be the best mom I can be.

I am crying so much right now, because of the photographs on your site. I’m angry that they are there – well I was angry, but now I’m just feeling sad and guilty. How could I do such a disgusting thing to that sweet little baby?

I remember that i had to go to the washroom alot after they removed the fluid from the uterus, and they told me to put this large measuring cup across the toilet so that the baby wouldn’t fall in the toilet. At one point, some volunteers came in the room with magazines and I got up to get one, when I started bleeding profusely …there was blood everywhere. The volunteers ran to call the nurses and they told me to hurry to the toilet, and I did. I sat down, forgetting to put the measuring cup on the toilet, and the baby fell out – the baby fell right out of me and into the toilet. One of the nurses got mad at me and told me to go to lay down.

I am so sorry baby – I would never had done it had I known any better. So now I’ve seen your pictures and now I know that my baby was a “real baby” with arms and legs and everything else. What kind of person can do such a thing. It makes me hate myself. I hate myself for doing that. I didn’t want to put him up for adoption though, because I was adopted and I couldn’t put that kind of pain onto my own child. I couldn’t carry a baby for 9 months and then just let him go to strangers! Now I would, after seeing the truth. Or maybe I could have kept him, and my mom could have help me, just like she did for my other child.

Please put this letter up on your site…Please show others how terribly wrong it was for me to do this. I want to help. I will never promote abortion again. I’ve always thought that it was nobody’s business what women did with their bodies – Now I do not believe that anymore. I am now on your side.

Do you think that little baby I aborted many years ago, forgives me? Do you believe that he can see me from heaven and that he knows I was his mom? I need to know that I’ve been forgiven for this.

I want to help spread the truth. Please tell me how I can help.

Thank you for showing me the truth – thank you so much,

Victoria

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I’m 19 and had an abortion last July when I found out I was 21 weeks pregnant! It was the biggest shock of my life.

I was away traveling at the time and had no idea I was pregnant!

When I found out I had about 2 days to decide what I was going to do with my baby as I was so far along.

I knew deep down I had to get rid of it; I couldn’t afford to keep it and didn’t know what my boyfriend’s parents would think. We were traveling at the time and would of had to come home with no where to live and no money, it just wouldn’t have been fair on a child. I always wanted my child to have a stable up bringing where I could give it everything it wanted.

The day I found out the doctor put this machine against my tummy and I could hear the baby’s heart beat! As he couldn’t be sure how far along I was I had to go to a hospital the next day to have a scan, I lay on a bed on what should have been one of the happiest days of my life with my boyfriend waiting out side for me as the nurse showed me the baby, I could see it moving!

I went to a clinic to see about having an abortion but they wouldn’t do it for me as I was so late on, in fact the doctor was horrid to me and a felt so awful. I should have realized what I was doing was wrong then. In the end we found a clinic that would.

I was dilated over a 2 day period one day I felt my baby kick and the next day it was still. I hated it. on the day of my operation I didn’t know really what I was doing. I was so drugged to the eyeballs and in the most agonizing pain, I remember thinking to myself what am I doing, I lay in a bed thinking that if it wasn’t for my boyfriend waiting for me I wouldn’t mind if if I died right here with my baby.

my most vivid memory is being walked to theater and looking around at where I had just been sat to see it covered in blood! I lay on the bed been given my anesthetic and said over and over again in my head good bye and sorry to her and told my boyfriend I loved him.

I have since returned back home, where my life has just been a complete mess. me and my boyfriend split up when I became severely depressed, I suppose it was my fault because I didn’t want him to know I made the decision for him. I can finally admit that! I was stupid and tried to hide my feelings.

i didnt recieve much support from him i was left to deal with the guilt on my own, i don’t think he understood what i was going through, i heard about a programme which was going to be shown on TV and i knew i had to watch it as i still didnt know what had happened to her. I got hold of my boyfriend and told him to watch it and for the first time i think he understood.

i couldn’t believe what i had done, people kept talking about it saying how disgusting it was for people to do that! My friend who has no idea what i did mentioned about this website so i had to have a look. If only id seen this sooner i would never have done it.

i wasn’t told in the clinic what i was doing, and if i was i would never have done it.

i sat here and started to shake i couldnt breathe, i wasnt crying but tears fell from my eyes, i turned my computer off and was sick!

I have started to come through my depression now, believe me i never thought i would. i hate myself for what I’ve done.

There is not a single day that i dont think about her, and due to being so naive and stupid i lost the two people ive loved the most in my life!

If only i had found out the truth about what i was doing sooner my life would be completely different. i killed an innocent baby and i deserve all the unhappiness i have in my life after all im a murderer arent i?

as im sat here now crying my eyes out all i can do is say sorry to her. I honestly never knew the truth.

anon

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