Today was the first day that I visited your site. I have already realized the huge mistake I made by having an abortion, but this site made me realize it even more. If I would have found this site before there is no way in hell I would have ever gone through with it. I had the most horrible experience with my abortion and am very depressed, it wasn’t even a month ago when it happened. Here is my story:
I am 19 years old and I found out I was pregnant on November 20, 2002. I had a difficult time being pregnant, I was having morning sickness every day all day, I couldn’t eat or sleep, all I could do was lie around being nauseous and puking. My boyfriend is 20, we have been together for 2 years and I have always wanted a baby but he was always against it until we were “ready”. When he found out I was pregnant it was very hard for him and he made it very clear he didn’t want the pregnancy to continue and at the time I began to think it wasn’t time as well. So I went ahead and agreed to have the abortion. I went the day before my abortion and signed all of the papers and heard about the procedure, I was told I would be in minimal pain and that I would be fine. So I went home and followed the instructions I was given until the procedure. I went in the next morning, I was having thoughts of changing my mind but I thought it was something I HAD to do. So I went through with it. The nurse called me in and they took my temperature and then put me in a room. The lady came in and gave me a pap smear and then began to insert the lamineria (seaweed that helps dilate cervix) into my cervix, this was so painful. As soon as she was done I began vomiting violently and crying. When I was able to walk, I went to the waiting room where my mom and aunt were waiting for me. I couldn’t even walk I was in so much pain. I spent the next 2 hours screaming and crying in pain. After those 2 hours I went to where my abortion was to be performed, when I walked in the waiting room there were about 20 other girls there waiting to kill their babies like I was. The nurse called me in and put me in a curtained room with a bed. There where about 25 little curtained rooms with other girls doing the same thing., The nurse came around and gave us all a valium and a vicadin. I passed out for God knows how long and then the nurse came and woke me up and told me it was time. I walked into an all white, very, very bright room. I saw all sorts of machines and a bed with stirrups. They put me in the bed and began what would be the worst 5
minutes of my life. The nurse removed the seaweed and proceeded to “clean me up”. Then the doctor came in, oh my god I was so scared, I wanted to just get up and go home but it was too late. He sat in the chair and opened my cervix with his fingers, I was told I was given a local anesthesia, but I didn’t feel the needle and I felt every second of the procedure, I am convinced it wasn’t administered. The nurse I had met the day before came in and held my hand. He started the suctioning and I started screaming my head off. I felt like he was ripping my insides out, it was the most excruciating pain I have ever felt in my life. I spent the whole minute and a half with my face buried in the nurses stomach screaming for him to stop. I never in a million years imagined it would be like that. At that very second I realized I should have listened to myself and not gone through with it. The doctor got up and left and the nurses cleaned me up as I screamed and cried. I sat up because I needed to throw up, the nurses quickly pushed me back down, but not before I
saw the pieces of my poor baby in a clear plastic jar. I lost it. Another nurse came in and wheeled me to the recovery room where all the other girls were. Then 10 minutes later they told me I had to go home because they were closing. So I got my instructions and went home. This was at a major medical care provider, Kaiser. I can’t believe how mean and inconsiderate everyone was. I was treated horribly and I don’t believe that anyone should have to go through this. I tell everyone now not to have an abortion because it will ruin their life. I can’t go an hour without crying and thinking about the baby I killed. I would do anything to take back that day, anything to have my baby inside of me growing, but I can’t.
I really appreciate this site it helped to know that other women are going through the same thing. No one around me really understands because they don’t know what I have been through. Thank you so much.