Post-Abortion woman: I wanted my son or daughter back

One post-abortive woman says:

“I was very, very confused. My feelings were so mixed. All along I was told it was the right thing to do, but then why was I feeling like it was so wrong and terrible? I hated myself so much. I wanted to scream. I wanted my son or daughter back but it was too late. The nurses wouldn’t talk to me. All they would say is “relax,” or “it’s okay, it’s all over now.”

Quoted in Pam Koerbel Does Anyone Feel Like I Do? And Other Questions Women Ask Following an Abortion (New York: Doubleday, 1990)

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Young woman pressured into abortion, Planned Parenthood didn’t help her

A post-abortive woman was pressured by her boyfriend, and Planned Parenthood did not help her:

“When I began to realize I was pregnant, [her boyfriend] told me that if I were, I was going to get an abortion… I finally went to CVS to buy a pregnancy test. I took the test as soon as we got home, and it was positive. The first thing my boyfriend said was, “Call Planned Parenthood.”

I started to cry, and he began to yell. …I always get very afraid when he begins to yell, and when I tried to offer up an alternative, he said no.

“It should be your choice, but -” He said that he was not “ready to be a father.” …

He made me call Planned Parenthood less than five minutes after finding out I was pregnant; I scheduled an appointment for one week later. This whole time, I felt more and more connected with my baby girl. My boyfriend told me that he would kick me out if I kept our baby, and I would have no place to live.
I called Planned Parenthood when I was able to get alone (to tell them the situation), and they told me that I would just have to tell him I didn’t want to do it. They did not care what would happen to me. I pleaded with them to work with me, just until I could find something to help me.

I asked them if they could do an ultrasound for me. I told them that if I could get an ultrasound and show it to my boyfriend – who is much older than me – he would not make me abort my baby. However, Planned Parenthood told me that they would do a free ultrasound before the abortion to confirm the age of the baby, but if I did not get the abortion, I would have to pay over $100. I did not have the money, and did not know anywhere to turn. However, I did want to keep my baby. …

On the day of the abortion, the nurse knew my situation, but offered no help except for abortion. I cried, so helpless and alone, knowing my poor baby girl was about to be killed. The nurse just told me that they would give me a sedative before the abortion began. Still, I cried through the abortion….
I have had depression and dreams of my little girl ever since….Now, I have to live with this guilt for the rest of my life. I blame myself for the whole thing, and contemplated suicide for months after the abortion….

My boyfriend is happily going on with his usual routine. However, I’m sitting here a few days after my due date – which was Mother’s Day – and I think about how I was forced to give up on my own daughter. By the time my daughter would have been born, I had made enough money to be able to rent an apartment with a roommate and support Xianna – but I don’t have her.
Eleven of my friends just had their babies within the last three months, and a few more will have theirs very soon. I envy pregnant women, and have withdrawn myself from them all. I cannot be around pregnant women or children.”

Guest Contributor “LETTER I was forced to abort my baby – and I’m not alone” Live Action News May 20, 2016

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Woman describes extremely painful abortion

This woman seems to have gone through a second trimester abortion, which takes two visits to commit. At the first visit, laminaria are inserted to dilate the cervix, at the second, the baby is dismembered with forceps and removed piece by piece.

“I didn’t expect the dialation to hurt much. As soon as I got into the operating room I started crying. My nurse was pretty cold and she told me to stop crying and that it would only make things worse. I pleaded for them to stop and told them I didn’t want to do it anymore but since I had signed the consent form they proceeded. I started freaking out when they told me they would put a needle into my cervix but I wasn’t looking and when they did it I just felt a little pain. I must have sworn because the nurse got a little miffed. What hurt the most was being open by some metal thing. I was hyper ventilating and all the nurse said was, “You got yourself into this” and “stop making this harder for yourself”.

As soon as they let me leave I hugged my boyfriend and cried. I cried on the way home because of the pain I just felt. I was angry at the nurse and dreaded the next day when the actualy surgery would begin. In a few minutes I cramped up terrible and took my tylenol 3. The medication did not make me feel much better and I cried and cried at the motel until I fell asleep.

Those cramps were nothing compared to the ones I had the next morning when I took the cyotec medicine at 6:30 a.m. I cried and rolled around. I was screaming and moaning for nearly an hour. Finaly, I called 911 and had the paramedics come. A woman explained to me I was in premature labour. All I could do was cry and moan, “It’s hurting me, It hurts”. It was definately the worst pain I have EVER felt in my life. The paramedics called a taxi and he drove my boyfriend and I to the clinic.

I got to the clinic and waited in that damn room for nearly twenty minutes. I was moaning, clutching onto the chair with my head tilted back and breathing heavily. The other girls who were probably no more than a month pregnant pretended not to notice. They called me in and gave me some ativan. In no time I was relaxed and when they inserted the IV in I didn’t have a care in the world. The nurse who I had been so angry at the day before now seemed nicer than ever. I didn’t feel much pain. it felt like they were reaching all the way inside me to my neck and I just said something along the lines of, “Oh my gosh” a few times. Even though I felt pain I was so relaxed it didn’t both me.

I felt a wet thing down my leg and we were finished. I went to recovery and tripped out. It felt like 10 minutes but it must have been two hours. i felt fine the rest of the day and still do. Happy I did this. No regrets. Pain was nearly unbearable but worth it.”

LiveJournal 

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“Feminist” says her abortion brought her “pain” and “loss”

From a post-abortive woman who describes herself as “a feminist, a leftist, a liberally-educated eternal student” in her blog:

“I lost a baby, a baby that never got a name. Lost it on purpose, days after the thirty-fifth anniversary of Roe v. Wade. It was my first, one accident dropped into years of carefulness. I had wanted it in an abstract way for several years, but it came at a time that wasn’t right, and it didn’t have the father I would want to raise a child with. The feminist in me shrinks away from talking about the pain of that loss. Even though my heart believes I sent it back so it could return at a better time, there’s fountain of pain and a kind of aloneness I had never experienced that seems to gush interminably.

The interminable is relative, of course. Time has passed. I cry less. My body that for five weeks swelled in anticipation fits into my clothes again. I’m no longer avoiding the hugs of friends to protect my sore breasts.

I dream about the baby, the one with no name. In the dreams, I am overwhelmed with trying to find someone to help me care for it, of hearing it call the babysitter “mama” because its mother can never be there. When this happens, I feel like I made the right choice for myself and the children that will come. But I still grieve.”

She took the abortion pill at Planned Parenthood and describes her experience:

“I asked if I’d feel sick before taking the second round. It’s unlikely, they said. I woke up vomiting, and I vomited all day until I wished I were dead, especially knowing that I had to take pills that *do* cause nausea and vomiting. Severe cramping, bleeding, and more vomiting ensued within 30 minutes of taking the misoprostol. That was when I wished I could change my mind and have a surgical procedure instead. The unbearable pain continued for several hours, but eventually I was able to rest. I’ve since read in some forums that it goes on for hours and hours for some women. I can’t even imagine.

A week later, I was experiencing significant pain and a fever, so I went back to PP. There, they diagnosed a uterine infection and gave me more antibiotics… Now I worry that the infection may have done enough damage to make conception difficult in the future. It’s really terrifying. And there’s nothing I can do about it. So, I’m taking care of myself, trying to get better, crying when I feel like it.”

The right choice’ leads to a ‘fountain of pain‘ The Dawn Patrol  February 7, 2008

Visited August 4, 2019

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Post-Abortive woman: I had dreams about drowning children

Pro-Abortion writer Linda Weber interviewed a woman two weeks after her abortion. Weber quotes the woman saying:

“Tom and I are finally recovering from all the unexpected emotional roller coaster rides.… I had lots of dreams of drowning children for a while.”

Linda Weber Life Choices: the Teachings of Abortion (Boulder, CO: Sentient Publications, 2011) 129

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Pro-Abortion activist “grieved and went wild” after her own abortion

Pro-Abortion activist Jan Wilberg had an illegal abortion with a wire in 1967. She writes about suffering grief and guilt:

“I grieved and was wild for a full year after that. I broke up with my boyfriend, realizing right away that any man who would advocate the wire wasn’t lifetime commitment material. I drank too much, bounced from guy to guy, and remember not much from that time except long times in the shower crying in grief and guilt. For years, I counted the days and months — how old the child would be if the pregnancy had not been terminated. The guilt was overwhelming. But as I matured, I recognized the decision for what it was, what I believed was right. I accepted responsibility and forgave myself. In the truest terms, I did what I had to do.”

Jan Wilberg “My illegal abortion” Salon  AUG 26, 2012

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Post-abortion woman keeps looking for missing daughter

One post-abortion woman said:

“Night times were terrible for nearly a year with getting up in my sleep looking for my daughter then when fully awakened I found I had a son and no daughter and why in the world was I in such a panic looking everywhere for a baby girl. I have a daughter now and she has said many times she thought she was supposed to have an older sister and wept bitterly when I told her she was correct and that it was her father and me who decided to abort.”

Priscilla K. Coleman, Ph.D., Kaitlyn Boswell, B.S., Katrina Etzkorn, B.S., Rachel Turnwald, B.S. “Women Who Suffered Emotionally from Abortion: A Qualitative Synthesis of Their ExperiencesJournal of American Physicians and Surgeons Volume 22 Number 4 Winter 2017

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Abortion “haunts ” woman who aborted as a teenager

Polly had an abortion when she was 14.

“I often wonder how my mum and dad felt at my getting rid of their grandchild. That does haunt me — but it’s something we don’t talk about any more.”

JOAN BAKEWELL “Abortion debate: Why I feel so betrayedDaily Mail 13 April 2006

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Post-Abortive woman tells her story

“I had to wait for the abortion because they said that I was only two weeks past my period and that I had to wait two weeks before I could get scheduled. Before leaving, I asked two questions: Will it hurt? and Was it a baby?

Her reply to my first question was that I would feel pressure and then something that felt like menstrual cramps. Then, she drew a picture of a uterus and placed a circle inside and said it was no bigger than a quarter. *It was like a tumor* – easy enough to be removed with a little discomfort.

While in the hands of the abortionist, I received no medication for pain, no medication for anxiety, nor was I anesthetized. I did not have enough money for these “extras.” Some girls were given low doses of Valium for their nerves. That cost money too, more than what I had. I paid for the operation right up front – CASH ONLY, please.

The pain I felt during the abortion was *the most excruciating pain I have ever experienced in my life.* I could feel the baby being ripped from my womb. I yelled in pain and the nurse told me to relax – that I was tightening up – and to stay quiet. What empathy they feel for you before they take your money.

Everyone was so pleasant in the beginning. But, once the sale is closed, money in hand, *you’re just another person lying on the assembly line waiting to have their product of conception slaughtered.*

When the abortion was over, I felt humiliated, embarrassed, guilty, ashamed and violated all at the same time. I quickly justified my actions and my feelings. I suppressed those feelings, deep down, for ten years.

Three days after the abortion, I awoke in a pool of blood. I had a temperature of 103, abdominal pain, nausea and a migraine. I was rushed to the hospital where I received an emergency D&C. The doctor said I had blood clots. I was sent home with antibiotics.

Shortly after this horrifying experience, I started to experiment with drugs. Soon, I was doing them on a regular basis. I would fall into deep depressions. I lost job after job. There were times when

I would not get out of bed for weeks at a tine. I did not eat. *I went from 108 to 89 pounds. I could not sleep and, when I would finally fall asleep, I would suffer from nightmares. Drugs were the only release and escape from the feelings I could not deal with.”

National Stopp News, February 1992, p. 5. Found here.

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Woman saw part of her 16 week aborted baby

The following case of abortion malpractice was found in Lime 5:

“25-year-old “Patricia” underwent an abortion by Dr. X on March 2, 1985 at Abortion Clinic X. After she returned home, she began hemorrhaging and passed the upper part of her fetus. She said, “I freaked out. I didn’t know what to do. I could see the eyes, and the arms and legs.” She placed the tissue in a plastic bag, and returned to the clinic, where she was told by the clinic’s owner/director that the tissue was just a blood clot. Not convinced, Patricia took the tissue to a hospital where she was informed that it was in fact the head and body parts of a 16 week old fetus. She had a second procedure in the hospital to remove additional tissue.”

Source: Miami Herald 3/20/85, 9/17/89

Mark Crutcher Lime 5: Exploited by Choice (Denton, Texas: Life Dynamics, Inc., 1996) 41

Fetus/baby at 16 weeks.
Fetus/baby at 16 weeks.
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