“… Some of my abortion clinic patients became part of my other private practice. Some were now married and pregnant with “wanted” babies. Others were simply coming back to me for other medical needs or periodic examinations.
Some of these women were now regretting their abortions and experiencing great grief. Others who did not regret their abortions would not discuss them. Even when asked the routine question by a nurse, “Have you ever been pregnant before?” They would reply, “No” – an outright denial of what had occurred… I had gotten involved in abortion because I wanted to help. But instead, while sucking the child out of its mother I was also sucking out the mother’s soul and leaving an empty shell, an empty tomb….
In my experience, at least 90% of aborted women experience guilt and regret to a greater or lesser degree….
I wasn’t helping [the women.] Some of them just came back again. It was like aiding an alcoholic, because they weren’t learning anything. Not only that, they experienced sexual dysfunction in their marriages and ambivalence when they finally had a wanted pregnancy.”
Beverly McMillan, M.D. “How One Doctor Changed Her Mind about Abortion” Focus on the Family, 1992, 5 – 6, 12-13
“I wanted to be the world’s best abortionist, for the good of my patients. If I was going to do this, I was going to do it right. So, after I met each patient, reviewed the medical information gathered by my nurse, examined the patient and performed the abortion, I would then carefully sift through the remains to be sure all the parts were accounted for. I had to find four extremities (two arms and two legs) a spine, a skull, and the placenta, or my patient would suffer later from an incomplete abortion…My attention was so focused on my perceived patient that I managed to deny that there were, in fact, two patients involved- the expectant mother and a very small child…I had to wonder, how can having a child be so wrong for some people that they will pay me to end its life?”
Former abortionist Dr. Beverly McMillan
“How One Doctor Changed her Mind About Abortion” Focus on the Family, Colorado Springs
In her speech at The Meet the Abortion Providers Convention in Chicago, Dr. McMillan elaborates:
“One of the things that was starting to bother me was, as I said, I was trying to run the best abortion clinic in the country. We were just a first trimester abortion facility, and we did that on purpose too. We were new in the community; this was a conservative community; what we didn’t need was a bunch of complications. Complications increase with increasing size of the pregnant uterus, so we deliberately stopped at 12 weeks and we just did suction D&Cs. I would go in and meet my “well-counseled” patient; I would examine her, and then I would do the suction D&C procedure under a paracervical block. After it was all over, I would leave my patient on the table and I would go over to the suction bottle and I would take the little stockinette out and go outside the room to a sink where I would open the stockinette up, and I personally would pick through it with a forceps and I would have to identify four extremities, and a spine and a skull and the placenta. If I didn’t find that, I would have to go back in that room and scrape and suction some more, or else my patients would be showing up in 48 or 72 hours, just like those women at Cook County with an infected incomplete abortion.
Standing at that sink, I guess I just started seeing these bodies for the first time. I don’t know what I did before that. I think I just counted. I was cool. Blood didn’t make me sick. I could handle all the guts and gore of medicine just fine. But I started seeing this for the first time and it started bothering me.
Being medical director of the clinic, rank has its privileges. I made out the schedule of who worked when. So I just started making out the schedule so that I wasn’t scheduled to do abortions. I just directed. My fellow abortionists by this time loved it, because we got paid by the procedure and there was less pie to share with me. In fact, at that point, I was an unpaid employee of the abortion corporation because I did my medical directing gratis. So I can’t say that money was the reason behind our clinic. They’re all different, but that was how ours started.
I remember one afternoon in particular, a very attractive young woman who was the day-to-day manager of the clinic came up to the sink one day while I was getting ready to go through my little procedure, and she said, would you let me see? I’ve never really seen what you look at at the sink. I said, sure, and I started showing her. And this happened to be about a 12-week abortion, and that was about the farthest along we went. That day as I was showing her, I remember very clearly seeing an arm and seeing the deltoid muscle, and it just really struck me that day how beautiful that was. The thought just flashed through my mind: What are you doing? Here is this beautiful piece of human flesh here, what are you doing? That was one of the very last ones that I did.”