Category: Women’s Stories

First abortion was ten years ago – boyfriend – previous year my kidney had quit (I only have one), and dr. said pregnancy may damage it. Boyfriend was present but didn’t seem emotionally involved. Second abortion was one year ago. I have two children They are very active and I felt I could not mentally handle another child. Finances were also a consideration. Our house is too small for 4 of us now. My husband went with me but really had nothing to say in the decision.

The first was scary and emotional – the boyfriend left me after 3 months.

The second was horrible as I was almost 4 months and didn’t know it. It was a two day procedure with blood being wiped from the walls when everything was done. Baby was successfully gotten rid of. It was a horrible horrible experience and I never should have been allowed to kill my unborn child.

The second has taught me about life and the termination of an unwanted pregnancy is wrong!!!!

I have been in therapy since immediately after the abortion. I am still trying to cope with the awful thing I did. I am involved with a post-abortion support group as well. Christianity helps in dealing with the death and in trying to forgive myself for my actions.

I am always wondering how this child would have been – a girl? a boy? Would he/she have looked like my boys? One year has passed since I did this awful thing and the birth would have been one year summer 1990. I also think about the first abortion and the age of the child now – 9 years old. These dates will be with me forever and neither child can ever be replaced.

I have thought about having a third child, but our family situation, (finances, house, etc.) remain the same. My husband still does not talk about the abortion.

It was the worst experience of my life and I will never forget what I did.

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I was in college when I had my abortion, a Sophomore (1982). I was dating a boy, and we became sexually active. Talk of contraceptives never passed our lips. When I became pregnant I was terrified. I was a Catholic and my parents were very good pro-life Catholics. I was horrified that my fornication would be discovered by my family, but also the boy who “loved” me said he would kill himself if I didn’t have an abortion. I felt as if there were no one to talk with. It was the worst point in my short life (19). The few “friends” I talked to didn’t try to talk me out of the scheduled abortion. I was crazy not to turn to my family because that abortion has changed my life forever. Well anyway, a “friend” drove me to the clinic where I paid my own $250 cash.

The nice nurse (“Christian herself”) led me into the room and I started crying. (I’m crying now as I write this.) I said, “God will never forgive me.” She said, “God will forgive you, this is just what you must do right now.” Or something to the affect that “God would forgive me.” I cried the whole procedure, not from the physical pain (there was little) but from the emotional pain, I was killing my child. I wasn’t dumb, I knew it was a baby, I studied biology, I had done pro-life speeches before. I turned my back on my own morals and beliefs, all because of this boy and my (our) sin (premarital sex). What happened to the boy? Before the abortion I broke up with him. I couldn’t stand being with him as he was the main force in the destruction of our baby.

Emotionally I was a wreck after the abortion. I began binging on food to stop the pain, or punish myself. I would never be able to feel good about myself because of my sin and I didn’t deserve happiness, I told myself. I went to a psychologist over the summer but they don’t help. I went to confession and knew God had forgiven me, but could I? My parents never found out (it is now 8 years later). I think they knew something was wrong that summer, but they never asked, or they did and I kept it in. Slowly I began to heal because I knew I did not want other girls to go through the pain of abortion as I had. I got involved with Birthright in my college town. I was so happy to save a baby’s life one time (thanks God) but I cried because I had destroyed my own baby’s life.

I planned to join my college pro-life group (Jan. 1983). I did and became friends with the leader, a wonderful Christian (Catholic) man who had fought against abortion since high school. I had never wanted to date again and told this boy that when he became interested in me. I shared my life with him (even pre-marital sex) up to the abortion. Finally he wrote me a note asking me if I had ever had an abortion. As I read that letter he could tell by the look on my face that I had. Well, to make a long story short, after a lot of pain we stayed together. We will have our 6th anniversary in June and we have 3 wonderful children (3 1/2, 2 and 6 1/2 months). The abortion has affected our marital life. He has forgiven me and loves me deeply, but he feels a great hurt inside. I think of my child almost daily. There is always a pain inside my heart. It is less pain than 5 years ago, three years ago or even last year, but it won’t go away. I continually say, “What if.” I’m sorry Karen, there are no more “What ifs.”

God helped me get through much of the pain. I know he has forgiven me but can I ever forgive myself knowing what I did was so wrong? Six months after the abortion I got involved with Birthright and since then I have done various pro-life activitiespicketing, counseling, letter writing.

It helps to know that I’ve helped other girls in crisis situations. It helps to know that I’m trying to do something to stop abortion. I’m convicted of helping the unborn and other defenseless humans. With God’s help abortion will stop and we women will continue to mend.

Abortion’s nasty sting will always be in my heart. My friends don’t know. Family doesn’t know and I will never tell my children. In ways, I feel so deceitful. I have to keep this horrible action inside while other people tell me “You have a place in heaven” for some of my other Christian actions. Premarital sex has negatively influenced my sexual life with my husband. Finally, after 6 years I truly enjoy sex. I won’t be content just letting abortion go on, I will fight daily to help stop this murder.

Sorry this is so long. You may use my story, but please don’t use my name. I’m not ready to tell family yet. God be with you as you work for this project. Oh, I also wanted to say that I pray often for the conversion of my old boyfriend that he will seek peace with God. I have no idea what he’s doing, but I pray for him. Men need healing too.

Note: Religious beliefs expressed in testimonies are not necessarily endorsed by site owner.

 

 

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From a collection of first-hand testimonies from women. These were gathered from a survey done by Priests for Life. They can be found on the Priests for Life website.

I was unmarried and living with my boyfriend when I got pregnant. His parents did not know we were living together and I decided against marriage at the time, although my boyfriend said we could get married. Ironically we married 4 months after the abortion and have been married for 10 years. I had the abortion for convenience and to save face for not “having to get married because I was pregnant.”

They mentioned some risks (which I was surprised at). They also tried to counsel but it was very poor counseling. The counselor decided after about a minute that I truly did want an abortion and did not try to convince me of any other options. I had minimal cramps afterward.

It wasn’t until 3 years after the abortion (when I became a Christian and having just experienced a current pregnancy and delivery) that [I realized] what I had done earlier was murder. I cried a lot, thought about my baby a lot, mood swings, typical PAS. It’s been 10 years and only through the forgiveness and grace of God can I talk about it. I will forever be sorry for my decision to abort.

My husband has not been affected as I have, although he, too, now believes abortion is wrong. The only relief from the grief comes from God and over a period of time he has helped me grow to help me forgive myself. I know he already has. I am also involved in Pro-Life organizations and work at CPC to counsel girls who are in the same position I was once in.

I will forever grieve for the child that I killed. I have an ache in my heart for that child and all the others who have been killed. I think God used the horrible reality of abortion to draw me to him and show me faith.

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From a collection of first-hand testimonies from women. These were gathered from a survey done by Priests for Life. They can be found on the Priests for Life website.

I found myself pregnant at the age of 36. I was single and working. The fellow who was the father arranged for an abortion and he paid for it. The doctor was a general practitioner and he performed the abortion “after hours” in an upstairs room. I was about 6-7 weeks pregnant. He gave me general anesthesia. After it was over, he gave me several pills (antibiotics, I assume). I checked with my gynecologist later to make sure everything was O.K.
About five years later, I married my husband. I was 41 1/2 years old. I never conceived. We tried to adopt, but it didn’t work out. I am now 66 years old and childless. I still mourn for my child. You could say I aborted my only child!

My husband and I are active pro-lifers. We picket, write letters, make phone calls, have pro-life stickers on our vehicles, and my husband has “rescued” twice.

I have asked God and my child for forgiveness. So that’s my sad story. If one is a caring person, one never forgets.

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From a collection of first-hand testimonies from women. These were gathered from a survey done by Priests for Life. They can be found on the Priests for Life website.

I was unwed, scared and had no support. My doctor, my boyfriends (I had two abortions and different boyfriends for each one), my friends and Planned Parenthood (were involved).

The first (abortion) was painless because I was “put under,” however I bled for about 3 months afterwards, not heavily but constantly and I never had normal periods after that. The second one was horrible, the pain was like that of giving birth and I had an infection after that one.

It affected my relations with my first husband because he was one of the fathers; we divorced. It affected the marriage to my second husband because he too was a father.

It has even affected my relationship with my Mom. I have a little boy of 5 and it has caused me to treat him differently. I lived in fear when he was first born that he would be taken from me by God. I’m also having trouble bonding with him.

I got right with God first off. Then I started talking about it first to friends. Then to groups, churches on TV and articles. I help fight against abortion by being a member of Right To Life, Open Arms.

I don’t know that I would have near the conviction to fight against (abortion) if I had not experienced it. Also, I believe the abortions have caused me to be infertile and to have problems carrying to term. I also blame my cancer on my abortions. I’ve just had too many problems physically to not question the link between the abortions and my problems

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From a collection of first-hand testimonies from women. These were gathered from a survey done by Priests for Life. They can be found on the Priests for Life website.

I was unmarried at 19 years old. My mother and boyfriend knew that I wanted to have an abortion. I felt at the time it was the only answer.

I was in the hospital at 8:00 AM. I believe that I had a suction abortion.

I didn’t want to talk about it. My sister became pregnant and kept her baby. She didn’t know that I had an abortion.

I do talk about it now. And my family feels sad about it.

I went to a therapist for 3 years off and on. I finally joined a post abortion support group. It helped a lot. I’ve been dealing with it daily. I like myself again.

I felt so bad about my choice to abort. I didn’t know what it would [do] to my life. I was mentally a wreck. I can see hope of total healing for me. It will be a while before then.

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From a collection of first-hand testimonies from women. These were gathered from a survey done by Priests for Life. They can be found on the Priests for Life website.

My family Doctor had referred me to a Psychiatrist in 1963, and when I became pregnant in 1965, they said I couldn’t have the baby because of the stress involved and reminded me of the 4 kids I already had. I don’t remember ANY of that abortion. In 1967, another pregnancy and Drs. said the same thing, except for the Psychiatrist who said I could make it. The other one, and my family Dr., and Pastor, urged me to abort, but I fought them off until the 12th week. Finally I had [an] abortion.

I felt cheated and violated and angry and after recovery (I had a tubal ligation after that one), I went to my 2nd mental hospital, where after 30 days my husband was told I’d probably never come home again. I was out in 6 months.
I made up my mind to forgive myself and others, and over time I’ve learned to live with the fact that I took 2 human lives, but not a day has gone by that I haven’t thought about those 2 babies and wondered about them. I also dream about babies A LOT – and have since I had my abortions.

My Dr. told me those pregnancies consisted only of “blobs – not real babies.” Just a few years prior to that he told me my Father was dead because he had no brain waves – (no electrical activity showed up on the EEG after his stoke) – Those babies I aborted had brain waves according to the medical articles I’ve read, yet he said they weren’t alive.

It just doesn’t make sense.

I’ve often resented the lack of information given to me by my Doctor. It wasn’t anywhere near adequate. Had I gotten it I’d have never agreed to those abortions.

They showed me how dependant on other people’s opinions I was, and I realized how much of a people pleaser I’ve always been, and how I had put Doctors on a pedestal and thought of them as “Gods.” I’m a more aware person now and more assertive and “challenging” where Drs. are concerned.

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From a collection of first-hand testimonies from women. These were gathered from a survey done by Priests for Life. They can be found on the Priests for Life website.

I was 14 years old at the time I became pregnant. I had an abortion at the age of 15. I was 13 weeks pregnant. My boyfriend and his parents didn’t want me to have an abortion. My parents didn’t want me to have the baby because my baby was half White and half Mexican.

My abortion was the worst moment of my life. The nurse gave me pain medicine but it still felt as if my insides were being ripped out of me.

I now realize I killed my baby. I would do anything in this world to know what my baby looked like, to hold my baby. I now have an 11 month old baby at 19 years old. But, not one day goes by I don’t think about my first child.

Time is the only thing that has helped me deal with my abortion. I realize I’ll never get to hold or see my baby – never. My son does not take the place of my first baby. I remember the nights when I used to cry all night long.

My abortion has changed my life in every way. I was young, but I never said I wanted to have an abortion. I was against it all the way. I didn’t want to kill my baby. My parents made the appointment and said I had to have an abortion.

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From a collection of first-hand testimonies from women. These were gathered from a survey done by Priests for Life. They can be found on the Priests for Life website.

I have had three abortions. Once at 26, just married – husband involved. Once at 32 – long time boyfriend involved. Once at 33 – unrequited love involved.

The first was very painful. Something was placed in my womb overnight to make me dilate and made me deathly sick. The procedure itself was done with no painkillers . . . I hyperventilated and passed out . . . I was sick to death in the “recovery room,” and had major cramps for days. I was 13 weeks pregnant. No one told me I didn’t have to have an abortion. The other two were both done with anesthesia, but still horribly painful. I was just too doped up to express it. The counselors did not “counsel.”

I repressed the abortions for 10 years . . . never thought about them, even for several years after I was “saved.” Then suddenly I began having nightmares. I began trying to figure out “how old” my children would have been (I had two children by this time) and I sank into deep and horrible depression, constantly crying and always hurting inside . . . I would go to sleep at night crying, “My babies . . my babies . . .”

I did a lot of praying and Bible reading, especially the verses on forgiveness. I began going to the Post Abortion Information Services office here and was counseled and encouraged by some very loving, understanding women, and yes, it has helped. The depression is gone, and I know I am forgiven and have forgiven myself . . . however, there will always be pain there . . . always.

I am deeply, deeply aware of LIFE, all life. I am horrified that abortion is legal, anywhere . . . and I will always carry the dark cloud of pain that comes with knowing that what I have done can never be undone.

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From a collection of first-hand testimonies from women. These were gathered from a survey done by Priests for Life. They can be found on the Priests for Life website.

My friends talked me into getting sexual experience. I became pregnant. My mother is a[n] alcoholic and hates men. I couldn’t tell her about the baby. All my best friends said it wasn’t a baby, only a lump of cells and I should have a[n] abortion, and the Doctor said it was all I could do.

They strapped me to a table, to wait in a hall. There were about ten to fifteen of us waiting. I told them I changed my mind. The nurse said I’d see the Doctor soon and I could tell her in the next room. I told the Doctor, she gave me a shot and put me to sleep.

I woke up screaming. I want my Baby. I bled a lot. I was in a deep depression. I couldn’t look at a baby or work near the Baby dept. I was working at Robinsons. I blamed my friends for it. It was awful. I don’t see my friends.
I wanted a baby. I thought I’d never get pregnant. It took over a month. The first time it took one night. I became Catholic. My Priest has helped me a lot. My Son is a[n] altar boy and my little Son is almost 6 years old.

[My boyfriend] left me because I wouldn’t abort my 2 sons. He’s married someone. . . He has to pay me $600 a month child support. I wish I had my Baby, my first Baby. It would be 14 now.

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