Category: Women’s Stories

Growing up I never really paid any attention to the choices that I had… how could I, I was just a kid. Now, I’m 22 years old, last June (almost a year ago) I had my first and last abortion. I remember the day so clearly, it was the day after mother’s day (how ironic), I remember my best friend had picked me up from school, on the way home I started to feel nauseated.

I felt so sick to my stomach that even the car ride home was doing me no good; in fact it just made me worse. As I got out of the car I threw up coffee that I had earlier that morning, my best friend looked at me and asked me if I had gotten my period for that month, knowing well aware that I didn’t, I told her that I didn’t remember. I went upstairs to my apartment and felt an overwhelming urge to keep throwing up. Feeling sick and having no strength, I called into work “sick” I told my boyfriend that I was going to stay home that night, he was worried because he didn’t know what was going on with me. He went ahead and left to work that night, about 2 hrs. Later I decided to go to my local rite-aid and buy a pregnancy test, somehow, I just knew that I was pregnant, I just knew it, but I needed something to confirm the truth. I decided to wait until my boyfriend got home from work that night; I was too scared to do this on my own. He came home a little after 12:30 midnight, I took the test, and it was the scariest 5 minutes of my life… after the waiting I looked at the stick, my assumptions were confirmed, and I was indeed pregnant! I remember my knees had weakened and I feel to the ground, my life of no responsibility had ended and I was not ready to be a mother.

I went to the doctor and still being in shocked had another pregnancy test done, I guess I was so in shock that I wanted to really make sure that I was pregnant. I remember crying my eyes out and feeling so confused and scared… after hours of talking about our decisions and possibilities, my boyfriend and I both decided to have the abortion.

There were so many reasons why we did this, and please don’t misconstrue that as an “excuse” but I wanted to give this life everything it deserved, struggling was not an option, I could care less if I struggled.

It’s been almost a year since my life and eyes have been opened up. After the procedure I cried and constantly thought about “what could’ve been” the truth is, what’s done is done, I can’t change the past decision or actions that I have made. I do know that if I ever do get the opportunity to have another baby, abortion is not an option; it was a mistake that was made once and only once, never again!

Ann

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Where do I begin? I was 19 when I had an abortion which was only a year ago from this date. I was and still am engaged with a wonderful man but we were not financially able to support another child. I had one already and thought that I couldn’t handle anymore right now. My fiance was not sure what we needed to do ..either was I because I have always been against abortion.

Not wanting to make this decision we knew that we had to. We decided to have an abortion. I had no idea how it was done so I began to confide in others about it and even nurses from abortion clinics. They all told me that it was just a mass of undeveloped tissue and that it would not feel anything and that it was done and over with in no time! It was almost like they were trying to sale me the abortion! I made an appointment and we came up with the money to have it done….about this time I was 10 weeks. There were no abortion clinics where we lived so we had to drive a couple of hours. When we got there we payed for a motel room and had just enough money for the abortion and enough to get home. I went to the clinic and the people in there were so rude. There were 20 other girls in there at the time. Some were scared and some were sad and there were some that acted like it was no big deal. I was thinking to myself ..What am I doing here??? I wanted to leave but I kind of brain washed myself into thinking that it was the right thing to do. Well they called me into a room to get blood taken and to get an ultrasound. Then I went into a room for them to collect my money. After the ultrasound and blood work they told me that they could not do the abortion because its going to cost more money. Well I told them it was okay and I’ll just leave. Well they wouldn’t let me leave until I payed them for the ultrasound and the bloodwork. My fiance picked me up and we both thought to ouselves that maybe we should just have the baby but like I said I kept trying to brainwash myself into thinking that it was the right thing. We went home and my soon to be mother-n-law brings a tape and a price of paper that had some lyrics on it to a song. She said that she was walking out the door of her church and the minister stopped her and hugged her and said,” The lord put this song on my heart last night and all I know is I’m suppose to give it to you. She said she fell to pieces.How could he have known she thought! I played this song and it was a song about what the baby would be saying to the mother before and after the abortion was done… Me and my fiance were falling to pieces at this point! But we still made up our minds to do it. Even though we knew that God was trying to tell us not to we were so overcome with the worries of finances. We were barely making it at the time. I called around and found another clinic in Florida and made an appointment. No matter what…. it was so hard to try to come up with the money. EVERYTHING was going WRONG!!!!! So many times we were going to change our minds but we stayed with our decision. I prayed and prayed night after night that the lord forgive us and have mercy on us for what we were about to do. I even began to have nightmares about it. I haven’t had this procedure yet but it was already affecting me mentally. It was just a few days before my appointment and I was watching the news and they were having a big thing about abortion and how wrong it is and how they were trying to ban it totally! I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. All these signs! The morning of my appointment ..we got in the car and the CAR WOULD NOT START! Can you believe this??? I knew at this point that there was definitely someone up above trying to get through to us and we both knew it! Being that we made our decision we got to the clinic anyway. We drove around for 3 hours trying to find a motel room since we were 3 hours from home. There was no vacancies! We finally found a room on the other side of town . I made it to my appointment 20 minutes late. They almost didn’t want to see me until they seen on the computer that I was there to hand them $475.00 for an abortion. Of course everything was okay then! right away they took me in a room to sit by myself. They treated my like I was royalty. The counselor came in and talked to me about the procedure and asked me if I was sure I wanted to go through with it and then had me sign some papers. She then collected the money. After that they put me back in the room by myself and played a video about the procedure and the video I watched was so far from the truth. The nurse came back in and I asked her if there was a way that they could tell me whether it was a boy or girl after it was all done. She told me NO and that it was just a mass of tissue and you wouldnt be able to tell. I was 15 weeks and 5 days at this point. Almost 16!
She told me that the doctor would be in to talk to me before he does the procedure. I waited… and here he come. When I seen him I felt so uncomfortable. He had this blank look in his eyes like he had no heart or soul! I asked him a few questions and asked if there was anything for pain he said no and that they could only give me a gas mask and that would help keep me calm and not so aware of what was going on. Well I followed him into the room where they were about to kill my baby. They did an ultrasound to make sure how far along I was. They wouldn’t let me see the screen. He didn’t want me to know that there was more than just a mass of tissue in there! They gave me the gas mask and it made me a little cloudy at first until he started sticking those metal rods to open my cervix. I started screaming and arching off the table.All I wanted to do was get away! The cloudiness went away and I was experiencing the worst most excruciating pain in my entire life. The nurses started yelling at me and telling me to stop and that I was over reacting ! I begged him to stop….then he put the suction tube in me and turned on that awful machine and I heard parts of my baby being sucked out. The machine sucked so hard that it felt like all my insides were going too! I continued to scream and the nurses yelled at me and held me down. The procedure was only suppose to last for 15 minutes but it felt like forever! I thought that the pain was never going to go away and I thought I was going to die and wishing that I would. The doctor seemed like he was being so rough and mean…almost like he enjoyed causing pain. It seemed like the more I screamed …the worse he got! They gave me nothing to help with the pain …I felt everything!!! After it was over he didn’t say a word to me and got up and left to perform another abortion to the girl in the next room. I went to the recovery room and there were 2 girls in there already and they looked so empty inside. I was still crying at this point. I felt empty too. I felt so bad for what I had done. I still feel bad to this day about it and will never do it again no matter what the circumstance. I now know the truth about what happens to these innocent human beings. They are probably in heaven wondering why? Why did you let them tear me apart? Why couldn’t I make a choice? I never did anything wrong! All I wanted to do is love you! Listen to what your baby is telling you! You can hear it if you really listen. I never told anyone this till now but the night before my appointment. I had a dream that woke me out of my sleep …it seemed so real! I seen in my dream a little boy standing in front of me begging me not to do this to him! All I heard over and over was don’t do this to me, please mommy don’t do this to me! please please!
I’ll never forget that dream and I’ll never forget that little boy that I saw. I know that God forgives me but I don’t know if I could ever forgive myself but….. I am pregnant again and we are taking this as a blessing …almost like a second chance…..we are so excited! I’m 18 weeks now and have already developed a relationship with my unborn child. Thankyou GOD for giving us another chance. Think twice ladies before you decide to do this….if you know that you cannot provide, concider adoption and give this innocent being a chance! there’s more to it than just a surgery. It’s a big decision to make and a life changing one! LORD HAVE MERCY ON US ALL!

anonymous
Sealy, Texas

 

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My name is Candice. I am now 18 and I had an abortion when I was 14. I grew up in a christian home, but in every home, there’s always one who goes bad…and that was me. I began going to parties in grade 7 when I was only 12.

I had sex for the first time at one of these parties, and I didn’t think that there was anything wrong with that, r maybe I just chose to believe that it was okay. Anyways, I fell in love with this guy (I’ll call him Bob, so I won’t reveal his real name) and we started having a sexual relationship. He was 2 years older than me, and he made me feel important, so I gave him everything. Anyways, when we were at a party for New Year’s (I was still 13) we had sex, and this time, I got pregnant. I didn’t even realize that I was pregnant until the middle of February (I had since turned 14, at the end of January). When I told Bob, he asked me what I wanted to do, and being the selfish person that I was, right away, I replied that I wanted to have an abortion. He just went along with it. We didn’t tell our parents, but the people at the clinic didn’t say that I had to. To me this was great. I didn’t have to quit school, or face any sort of ridicule or shame. But, since the abortion, all I feel is guilt. Bob and I are still friends, although, there was a time when he wanted nothing to do with me, but we’ve gotten over that. I am so sorry for killing my own daughter. She would have been 4 this past September, and her name would have been Aspen Jorden Syqouya. I miss her so very much.

Candice

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Hi, my name is Lauren and I live in Missouri. I am 17 years old and had an abortion on the 15th of December, 2004. I found out on the 19th of November that I was pregnant. I told the father, which is my boyfriend, that I was pregnant and he was yes of course very mad at first.

After we got in person and talked it out for many hours we decided that it was our decision to be adult enough to sleep with each other, so we would be adult enough to take care of our biggest responsibility………Our Baby! My mom and dad hated him and hated the fact that I was going to have a baby. I left my house and went and lived with my boyfriend at his dad’s house. It made me feel so much better because they were so excited about the baby and said it would get us away from all the partying and help us grow up to be true adults. I accepted that. We would lay in bed every night and I would fall asleep next to the man I loved so much while he rubbed my tummy and said how excited he was. We were both very happy. About a week later, well I guess went by and all things changed. My boyfriend called my mom to talk to her which I knew wasn’t a good idea because she wanted us to get rid of the baby and well she got what she wanted. He got off the phone and she had put so many things into his head that the first thing he said to me was your getting an abortion. I started to cry, but knew since I didn’t have him I had no one. A couple days later he took me home and told me that he didn’t want anything to do with me. My mom then signed me up and took me in to get the abortion. I followed through with it. Even though it took them under five minutes to complete the procedure, I don’t think that I have ever felt so bad for myself like I am now. I regret every bit of it. Even though I am no one to tell you what to do. I am just saying that it won’t only hurt you, but the one that you don’t have anymore. I could have loved my baby so much and if there was any way that I could go back in time….. I definitely would. I miss my baby and so will you!

Lauren

 

 

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I had an abortion 15 days ago. I was nervous as I could possibly be going in that clinic. I had put the abortion off for a long time. I sat there for a long time waiting. The nurse finally called me back and gave me half a valium and said she needed $425 from me then. I gave her the money and continued to wait.

About an hour later she then gave me a celebrex. About 30 minutes later, the doctor told me to get undressed and he would be in. I looked over the room first. I saw the machine they used to suction the baby out. I could have started crying then. I replayed the whole decision in my head. I just knew I had to go through with it. He examined me and did an ultrasound. He then said “why did you wait so long?” I said what do you mean? He said you are 13 and 1/2 a week pregnant. “For 300 more dollars I can help you with this problem.” He then said are you going to pay the money? I told him I had to call someone to bring me the money and asked him if this increased the risks of something going wrong. He simply said get your clothes on and then we will talk about it. He made me wait about 2 more hours. When I got back there he said I had to just remain calm and not to freak out or he wouldn’t do it. I got undressed and tried to prepare myself. He told me not to cry and not to make a sound. “SILENCE”, he yelled. That had to have been the longest 10 minutes of my life. The pain is indescribable. I was sweating so bad from the pain and pail. When they allowed me to get up and made a make shift diaper from the blanket I laid on I went to the restroom where I sat on the toilet and prayed for the Lord to have mercy on me for at least 30 minutes. I put my clothes on and waited on a couch for him to come back in. He said get up and walk around and eat a good lunch it will help the pain go away.

I really wish I wouldn’t have done it! I regret it everyday. I cant help but think of what my child would have been like. The physical and emotional pain of my abortion will be with me for the rest of my life. I would advise anyone to rethink their decision of an abortion. I cant take my decision back, and it will weigh on my heart for the rest of my days.

Anonymous

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Remember how ms. magazine is having all those ‘pro choice’ people send their proclamation of how happy they were when they aborted to get support for not stopping abortion? Well I went there and declared to them. I had an abortion in 1976, and I am NOT proud of it at all. I miss my son Brandon everyday.

I was 16 weeks pregnant with his dear self. it was done by the prostaglandin method which slowly chokes that child to death.

I did not know everything I know now about abortion at all, in those days there were no crisis pregnancy centers, nor was the information out there at all. it was not my choice at all. my father, the father of the baby and my mom all conspired on this cuz they didn’t want me to have him. however the cancer of abortion wills top with me, my mom did it 2 times and my sister at least once. they feel no regrets and cant figure out still why I cant forget, its past. when I got married and had our 2 daughters in 1983 and 1989 I had so much cervical damage I had to have 2 csections. deprived of even breast feeding. I was robbed. of my son and the gift of breast feeding. I did not abort out of selfishness , I was carrying out others choices not mine,

I was out on the maternity ward in queens hospital in Hawaii for that. The whole thing was so evil and the pain was indescribable. and not fair I wanted him. however I took responsibility for it and confessed it to JESUS the only one who can heal you and now I do all I cant stop it. I learned the hard way that you cannot just do whatever you want in life, the minute you have sex you are immediately responsible for if you have a child or not. And you will never get that one back, there’s only one of all of us. he is safe with JESUS now but I miss him so. please stop the killing, pretty soon it will be on the other end they will kill us when we get too old to support. STOP ABORTION NOW. Bless you.

Note: Religious beliefs expressed in stories are not necessarily endorsed by site owner

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From a collection of first-hand testimonies from women. These were gathered from a survey done by Priests for Life. They can be found on the Priests for Life website.

I was 19, my boyfriend 21, we loved each other, and we were too ashamed and scared . His Mom always told him she would throw him out of the house, whether she would have, we never told them. I was too ashamed to put my family through it! It was a joint decision and we went together.

(It was) the most horrible experience ever. My whole body felt like it was being ripped apart. Imagine what the baby felt. A nightmare.

It has left a scar on us, which we think will never go away. I still cry everyday and wonder what it was, who it looked like. I keep thinking one day when I die, I’m going to hear this voice saying how could you do that to me. It’s hard to make love sometimes.

I pray and probably should seek counseling but can’t afford it. By writing this, I hope this helps somebody who is thinking about having one — but don’t.

It’s changed my life greatly. I want my baby back. Me and my boyfriend married a year and half later. Weve been married for 5 years have two children and love them dearly, wouldn’t give them up for the world.

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I am 27 years old and I have had 3 abortions. That is the first time I have ever admitted that to anyone. The first abortion was at age 20. My boyfriend didn’t want the baby, we already had a 6 month old son. He gave me every reason under the sun why I should not have it

After dealing with the stress of already having an infant, I killed my second child. I will never forget the sterile white room, the masked doctors, pointless forms to fill out, and the empty look of 20+ girls whose babies were going to die the same day as mine. That day was June 5, 2001. The next abortion was July 22, 2002… I was 21 years old, my son was a year and a half, and I had the same boyfriend with the same excuses. He discussed the abortion on July 4th over dinner at Red Lobster. When the 22nd came, he dropped me off and came back several hours later. His car wouldn’t start upon us leaving the clinic… I was mortified…crying for my third baby as I had done for my second… I kept begging for forgiveness. The feeling of going into the clinic and leaving empty….almost souless…still haunts me everyday. The guilt and resentment, towards my then boyfrjend played a major role in us breaking up. Just think…the very person I was afraid of losing, the one I allowed to talk me into killing my children , is the very one who wound up being part of my past anyway.

Fast forward some years to age 26. I now had a year old daughter and the man of my dreams. One who treated my son as his own and cared for our daughter like every father should. Ironically, he too tried to convince me of aborting her. Being a man with a very strong relationship with God, he threw phrases like ” The Lord’ll forgive you baby…let’s just pray about it….think about your children., do you want them to struggle?” But I fought and fought for our daughters life …and won. Now you would think with a beautiful 6 year old son and baby girl and two deeply regretted abortions I would have learned. But, I didn’t. On November 2, 2007, I had my 3rd abortion. This one the hardest. Why? Because not even a week before, I went to a regular OB/GYN appt and listened to my babies heart beat for the first and last time. I can still remember the doctor saying “Well, here’s your little peanut!” …and I still went through with it. I allowed my daughter’s father to fill my head with bogus religious reasons as to why this was the best for us. The best for US! But what about our baby…why doesn’t my baby deserve a chance? But he pointed out our struggles raising the two we had, our middle wage jobs, our high bills. That, coupled with my selfishness and insecurity allowed me to really believe I was doing this for the betterment of me and my childrens’ lives. Except the life of 5th child is the one I didn’t think about.

As I sit here on this couch, I find it a blessing that I came to this site. I just found out I was pregnant yesterday and once again have my boyfriend, my daughters father, telling me how abortion is “best for us.” This time though, I am strong enough to leave him…my other half….for the life of my unborn child.

Here I am –27 years old and still live with the pain of lives I chose to lose. I think of my angels everyday and torture myself with the sound of my unborn babies heartbeat. Torture myself by looking at pictures like the one on this website. I do it because the reality is…though the Lord has forgiven me, I can not forgive myself. I have nightmares that when I die, those 3 angels will be at the gates waiting for me asking me one question… “Mommy, why me ?” . I can not tell you what to do. This decision is no easier for a 27 year old than it is a 17 year old. Just take a second and think about this. If you can live with the consequences of lifelong regret and “what-if’s”…. if you can live with nightmares…if you can live with tears and resentment… as a matter of fact…if YOU CAN LIVE……..

Why can’t your baby?

 

 

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Today I am 50 years old. When I was 16 I got pregnant and initially planned on having my baby…but my mother pressured me into having this “operation” and to forget about it. My boyfriend went into denial, and so I thought that if the doctors, government and my Mom thought it was okay, that it must be.

In my twenties I was again single and pregnant, my boyfriend pressured me to abort, sadly I did. This time I went to an abortion clinic, it was horrific, I was wide awake, it was VERY painful, I went into shock and felt like I had been raped again.

I got an infection, damaged cervix, badly scarred uterus, and was only able to have one child, a beautiful son, he is 15 years old and I love being a Mom. Doctors said that due to the damage done as a result of those abortions, they couldn’t believe I had him! Children are a blessing, they will never hurt you. Don’t believe the lies. God will help you, there is help. It’s a baby. Abortion deeply hurt me, and killed my children, it is a wrong, and not a right! Rev. 12:11

 

 

 

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