Post-abortive father writes letter to aborted child

Post-abortive father G Spencer Schirs, Jr. wrote a book about his experience with abortion. In the book, he presents a letter he wrote to his aborted baby, who he calls Grace:

“We bought the lies that you were simply a choice, nothing more than a cluster of cells to be sacrificed at the altar of convenience. I apologize to you for not being the man I thought I was. Because of my selfishness at that moment, I sacrificed what was likely one of the greatest gifts I might ever receive – you.

I have imagined you as a little girl, for some reason, with big eyes and an even bigger smile. Because of that image, there has been an emptiness within me. A day has not passed that I do not think of you and what my life would have been like with you in it…

Every time I hear a child laugh, I cannot help but wonder what your laugh would have been like or what your favorite flower or color might have been…

Your mom and I were young… Your mother was scared… I believe that had I simply asked her to keep you, she would have.”

G Spencer Schirs, Jr. The Anvil of Guilt and Shame: A Man’s Perspective on Abortion, Forgiveness, and Calling (Murrells Inlet, South Carolina: Covenant Books, 2020) 8

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Father of Aborted Baby Carries “Tremendous Guilt”

A man named Zach wrote:

“When my girlfriend told me she was pregnant, I knew the baby was mine. I knew I’d take care of it. I loved her. I wanted to marry her. I would have raised the child alone, if that’s what she wanted.

But it was her choice. I told her I’d help her with whatever she decided. She said she was having an abortion and that was it.

I didn’t feel good about it, but I was determined to support her decision… I wanted our relationship to last. I thought having the abortion like she wanted would help.

But we were both changed afterward. I tried to keep us together. I tried so hard. But things kept getting worse until we finally broke it off after two years.

My girlfriend and I were occasional users before the abortion but afterward things got so out of control. My ex-girlfriend is still messed up. She’s usually wasted. I’ve tried to help her and talk to her about how the abortion is affecting her, but it only makes things worse…

I carry tremendous guilt about this. I don’t know if I can forgive myself.”

After Abortion Stories: How Abortion Changes You (no author listed, no date)

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Father feels “powerless” about partner’s abortion

From one post-abortive father:

“I’ve never felt so powerless in all my life. The depression and anger really worry me. The trouble is, I am not sure I have the right to feel this way. She never even asked what I wanted. I felt I didn’t have the right to voice my feelings.”

Rev. William F Maestri Choose Life and Not Death: A Primer on Abortion, Euthanasia and Suicide (New York: Alba House, 1986) 42

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“I was not the same” after my abortion

From a post-abortive man:

“After the abortion, we ended up separating. Yet I sensed I was not the same. There was a sense of grief and shame in my life that clung to me even though I tried to shrug it off.”

Dr. Lizzie Ling and Vaughan Roberts Abortion (The Good Book Company, 2020) 55

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Father calls pregnancy center in tears, but can’t stop girlfriend’s abortion

Two women who worked in pregnancy centers told the following story:

“Legally, a husband can’t prevent his wife from having an abortion if she chooses to have one. I still remember one heartrending telephone call from a man who actually lived in another state. He found our center’s number on the Internet. He pleaded with me, at times during the conversation, even breaking down sobbing, wanting to know what he could do to stop his girlfriend from having an abortion.

Sadly, I had to inform him that there were no legal methods he could take, but I encouraged him to patiently talk with her and try to understand why she wanted an abortion. I provided him with numbers of pregnancy resource centers located near where he lived that maybe they could go to for help. I prayed with him that God would work in their lives to help them be able to choose life for their baby. I never knew the outcome…”

Mary Ann Gustin and Peggy R Hembree Let the Miracles Begin (2016) 54

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Post-abortive men twice as likely to suffer depression, abuse substances

An article in the Daily Telegraph cited a study about post-abortive men:

“In 2011, an Australian researcher, Dr Kaeleen Dingle from the University of Queensland, presented a study at the World Congress of Asian Psychiatry in Melbourne showing the connection between young men and depression.

She found young men whose partners aborted were twice as likely to use substances and suffer depression compared with men who had not had that experience.”

CORRINE BARRACLOUGH “Corrine Barraclough: Piecing together the pain of loss for men after abortionThe Daily Telegraph June 3, 2017

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16-year-old boy becomes suicidal after abortion

In an article about post-abortion trauma in men, reporter Corrine Barraclough writes about one case:

“One counsellor was contacted by police regarding a 16-year-old boy. They saved him from suicide “by two seconds.”

Julie Cook, national director of ­Abortion Grief Australia, comments on the case:

“He had been doing well at school but following his girlfriend’s abortion and their subsequent breakup, his grades fell. He dropped out of school and became homeless. Sadly, he also told the counsellor of a friend’s suicide because of abortion too.”

CORRINE BARRACLOUGH “Corrine Barraclough: Piecing together the pain of loss for men after abortionThe Daily Telegraph June 3, 2017

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Man dies by suicide after fiancé’s abortion

Julie Cook, national director of ­Abortion Grief Australia, who works with post-abortive men and women, told the following story of a case of suicide after abortion:

“A woman called recently crying hysterically. It would have been her wedding day, she was inconsolable. Her fiance had taken his life a few weeks before. She had been pregnant and thought it was too soon to add a baby to their relationship, so went for an abortion and didn’t say a word.

When he found out he was overcome with grief and took his life. It’s not uncommon. This is something we must recognise and discuss more openly as a society.”

CORRINE BARRACLOUGH “Corrine Barraclough: Piecing together the pain of loss for men after abortionThe Daily Telegraph June 3, 2017

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Post-abortive man shares story of girlfriend’s abortion of twins at 20 weeks

A man who identified himself only as RDF shared his story on Facebook. His girlfriend aborted twins at 20 weeks. He said:

She went into Planned Parenthood because she was “too young” (24) and wasn’t ready for children. She hadn’t “planned” to be a parent. I know… It’s ironic that a person who hadn’t planned to be a parent would visit “Planned Parenthood” to have her babies murdered inside her and then sucked out in little bits and pieces. That doesn’t sound anything at all like “planning” to me.

There were protesters there with posters and booklets and handouts… Offering insight, wisdom, help… An alternative to murder. She walked past the pictures of cut up babies. She ignored the small group of protesters. She was expressing her “legal rights”. She was expressing her “Womanly Rights”. She was a “modern woman”. Her life was about her. Not about the inconvenience of the “fertilized eggs” that were inside her.

They weren’t babies yet. She was less than 20 weeks pregnant… by a few days. Though the Sonogram showed two little babies. With fingers and hands… And feet and faces… And heartbeats… Two little innocent babies who were being protected by their mother in the safety of her womb. Two little babies who had never experienced hurt or pain, who never knew the evils of this world or the great wonders of this world. Who were completely 100% innocent. Alive… Waiting to be born.

The night before the abortion, we were talking about alternatives. I cried. She cried. She was a loose Christian. She believed in God in a spiritual sense but didn’t believe in the God of the Bible. I put my hand on her hand and then on her stomach and prayed and said, “Dear Lord, Please guide us through this dark and confusing hour. Please point us in the direction that only you know is right… Dear Lord…” And then we felt the strongest kick. And then another… And another. I cried. She cried. “The Lord is speaking to us. He answered our prayers.” She said, “But I’ve already made the appointment.” And I said, “That appointment means nothing, God has spoken to us.” I felt it. She said she felt it too. For the first time in her life… She felt God speaking to her.

Later that night, we were talking about the future and future plans. She said, “I’m not ready to be a mother.” I told her that nobody is. She said, “I’m scared.” I told her that every mother is scared. Although she wasn’t enrolled in college at the time, she wanted to go. I was enrolled in a Bachelor’s Program and was working toward my degree. She said, “But I want to finish college and do something with my life.” I told her that I would help with the baby and somehow we’d both finish college. “It might be harder. We may have to make some sacrifices but we’ll get through it.” She said that she was going to college and I could stay home and watch the baby. I was working for Lockheed Martin at the time and a condition of my employment was that I had to be enrolled in a Bachelor’s Program. So we disagreed on who was going to finish college first.

The fear and the anxiety and the uncertainty… led to a small disagreement that ended with us going to bed not talking. She faced one way. I faced the other.

That morning I got up and was getting ready to go to work. I thought everything was going to be fine. We made it through the storm. She came downstairs and said, “I’m going through with it.” “What?” She said, “I’ve made up my mind. I’m going through with it.” She asked me to drive her to the clinic.

I tried to reason with her. She wasn’t having it. I refused to take her. She called a cab. I thought to myself, “If I let her get in that cab, she’ll surely go through with it.” So I agreed to take her to Planned Parenthood in hopes of talking her out of it. She wasn’t having any of that. I tried to talk. She was silent. Not a word. I drove. She stared out the window. She was stubborn. She was a “modern woman”, nobody was going to tell her what to do… Not me… Not God… Nobody.

So we got to Planned Parenthood and I pulled into the parking lot and parked as close as I could to the protesters. She was unfazed. I walked with her through the small group of protesters. I took a pamphlet and tried to give it to her. She was determined. I said, “Look those are fingers. That’s a head. They were alive. Our babies are alive.” She was walking briskly… She pretended she didn’t hear me. We got to the security gate of Planned Parenthood and rang the doorbell. A woman came out and unlocked the gate and then locked it behind us. We went into the lobby of the building. I grabbed my girlfriends hand, “Don’t do this.” She tried to pull her hand back and said, “I’m not ready to be a mother.” “Please, don’t do this. Reconsider” The lady who escorted us in told her the clinic was on the second floor. “Please, We can get through this. Don’t kill our babies.” She pulled her hand back, turned away from me and went up toward the clinic.

I was defeated. I left the clinic and got in my car and drove way too fast down the street. I ran a couple of red lights. I was so scared and angry and hurt and lost and all the emotions like a broken damn came flooding through me. I wanted to scream. I was helpless to protect my babies. I was completely unable to do a single thing to protect them. Where were my rights? Where were the rights of those two beautiful babies? What in the hell did rights have to do with murder? Nobody has the right to murder!!! All of these thoughts flooded my emotions like a freight train… with each box car a thought… And it was going 500 miles per hour through my head. And then…. like an explosion… A tragic horrific wreck… A screeching scraping explosion of thought…

Everything went high pitch… And then went silent….

The moment my children were murdered, a ripple, a shockwave went through my body. Though I wasn’t there… I felt it. I knew something terrible had just happened in that moment. She felt it too.

I turned around and drove as fast as I could back to that clinic. I parked my car in the middle of the road in front of the clinic, nearly on top of the protesters. I rang the doorbell by the gate. I rang it again… and again… Finally the same lady came out. She let me in… She said, “You can’t leave your car there, the police will have it towed.” “They can have it, please open the door, let me in.” She opened the door. I ran to the top of the stairs. Up to the clinic. I ran through the doors. I went up to the little window. I asked where my girlfriend was… “She’s in recovery.” My heart sank, “Can I see her?” “Let me check,” the nurse said. A few agonizingly long minutes later she returned and escorted me to the recovery room.

My girlfriend was crying. She said, “I was wrong. I felt them when they died. They pulled my heart out with our babies.” I cried. She cried. She said, “Oh God, what have I done? I feel horrible, empty… I feel barren… Like a dead flower” I cried. She cried. I stayed with her for a few minutes but needed some air. I went down and moved my illegally parked car. I parked away from the protesters in the parking lot. Then went back up. When they finally let her leave… We cried. We walked past the protesters. She could barely stand. She cried the whole way home. “Why didn’t I listen?” “What was I thinking?” And on and on and on… The emotional pain was unbearable.

RDF goes on to say that his girlfriend fell into a suicidal depression. She was soon going in and out of mental institutions. “It ruined her life,” he said.

When your rights… ruin your life… There is something wrong with the law.

He concludes:

It is a big deal. It is devastating to the mother. The little babies feel it. The mother feels it. The father feels it. It is murder.”

Sarah Terzo “A father’s heartbreaking story…and Planned Parenthood’s response to men like him” Live Action News July 16, 2013

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Abortion linked to suicide in men, says counselor

Reporter Corrine Barraclough writes:

“We know male suicide rates are soaring.

Did you know male suicides and abortion-related mental illness are interrelated? Neither did I. It’s poorly understood by professionals too.”

Julie Cook, national director of ­Abortion Grief Australia says:

“Most suicide counsellors aren’t trained to identify abortion trauma. In fact, the vast majority aren’t even aware that it can be an issue for men. Most women have no concept that abortion can hurt men…

Male suicides can be both directly and indirectly related to abortion. One of the biggest predictors of male suicide is relationship breakdown. Unless work is done towards resolution, abortion trauma often ­destroys relationships.”

CORRINE BARRACLOUGH “Corrine Barraclough: Piecing together the pain of loss for men after abortion” The Daily Telegraph June 3, 2017

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