Category: Women’s Stories

Carrie had an abortion, suffered greatly, then later picketed the clinic where her abortion took place. The clinic workers told her that the baby was a blob of tissue, but the morning after her abortion she passed a limb from her aborted baby into her toilet. One day she confronted the clinic workers:

“I would think they would understand more because they were the ones that did my abortion. I went back and talk to them, and they basically told me, it was Terry [the director of the clinic] basically told me I was crazy. I said, “You talk to all your customers like this?” I told her, “I had problems! Don’t you care?” She said, “Frankly, no!” They didn’t care about me, it was money, that’s all it was… When they took my money, I asked what was this fetus, and she said, “Oh, you don’t have to worry about that; it’s just a little blob of tissue. Did you bring the $250?”

Carol JC Maxwell. Pro-Life Activists in America: Meaning Motivation and Direct Action. (Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 2002) 153.

Rochelle describes her abortion:

“Well, for me it was like a cattle call… They had all of us women there in a group for our abortions. We went around the room wondered a time, and they made everyone give the reason she was having the abortion. And no matter what we said, they went, “Oh, we understand.” Then they said, “Now it’s time to go in.” They gave us no information about fetal development or other options.”

Frederica Mathews-Green. Real Choices: Offering Practical, Life-Affirming Alternatives to Abortion (Sisters, Oregon: Multnomah Books, 1994)  64

One woman who had an abortion recounts the following story:

“My boyfriend told me if I kept it, it would break us apart. I loved him and I went and destroyed the life which I wanted so much. I was 18 weeks pregnant, it took me three days for the operation. Men don’t understand what you go through and I wish they did. Throughout the three days I had needles all the time and nausea. This was because of love. I always think of other people before my own feelings, but look where it’s gotten me… I felt empty, like I had no soul in me… My boyfriend said to me a couple of days afterwards that we might end up being married and we could have a family together. I said I couldn’t marry someone that made me destroy a baby.”

Melinda Tankard Reist, Giving Sorrow Words (Sydney: Duffy & Snelgrove, 2000) 21

To read more about men who coerced women into having abortions, go here

“There were plans racing through my mind of where we would live, what we would name it, what it would look like… But, on his father’s advice of “it’ll ruin your life” [my boyfriend] opted for an abortion. I was in shock, so I went along with him when he said that there was no way I could have it alone and that I’d be kicked out of the family.

Reality set in, and the choice was not mine. That’s the heartache – the choice was not mine – it was his, my family’s, society’s. It was his choice because he would’ve been the only financial support. It was my family’s because of the rejection of me and the unborn. And it was society’s because of the poverty cycle I would enter as a teenage mother.”

F LaGard Smith, When Choice Becomes God (Eugene, Oregon: Harvest House Publishers, 1990) 192 – 193

Randy Alcorn, in his book “Pro-life Answers to Pro-Choice Arguments” (Sisters, Oregon: Multnomah Publishers, 2000) 123

“We took a pregnant teenage girl into our home. Though she’d had two abortions, this time she chose to have her baby and give him up for adoption. It was not easy, but this wonderful woman (10 years, a husband, and three more children later) told me: “I look back at the three babies I no longer have, but with very different feelings. The two I aborted filled me with grief and regret. But when I think of the one I gave up for adoption, I am filled with joy, because I know he’s being raised by wonderful family that wanted him.”

“I just want people to know that it’s not over in the operation room and they should think long and hard about their decision.”

I would just like to say I am glad someone put this website up, only I wish I had seen it two years ago when I had an abortion. I know it was probably the right thing to do considering my age (14). But it was not my choice it was my mother’s ….. I remember on the day of the abortion I refused to go to the clinic I was only forced to by my mom, my dad and his girlfriend told me I didn’t have to go through with it if I didn’t want to but the next morning my mom arrived to drive me and my ex-boyfriend to the clinic and I was in tears at the thought of what I was doing to my child but in the end I had the operation done. It was on of the most painful things I had ever felt. The procedure itself was only two minutes long but the pain physically and emotionally was enough to last me a life time. I threw up after and the recuperating room and my ex-boyfriend bought me roses and gave them to me, and to this day I have kept them dried in a safe place, and I also kept a copy of the ultrasound that is one of the most valuable things I own. I thought my pain and suffering was over that day but I was wrong ……. that night at my ex’s birthday party I fell asleep on his couch and I had this dream of my child screaming and when I found her she was torn and covered in blood and woke up crying. For months after that I still got dreams when ever I slept, and developed a slight case of insomnia because I was too scared to sleep because of my dreams. I am over the worst part now but I still do get dreams at least once a week, and I wish I had never had the abortion. I just want people to know that it’s not over in the operation room and they should think long and hard about their decision. I hope this helps some people as well on their choice.

~Lydia

Hi my name is Amanda! I am 16 but will be 17 in 15 days. The date is Jan.5th. But on Oct.15th I had my first abortion.I think abortion is really wrong and I would have never got one if I really knew what was going on.

I was actually forced to by my parents and I say this b/c I had to choose between the love of my baby and my parents.

Well, here’s my story I began having sex at early 15 only looking for love and attention. Which later realized that is not what I was getting. I had sex with a guy I knew maybe a year and then later on found out I was pregnant. I was shocked but in a way glad b/c I love kids.
As I told my parents I got the impression which I never expected ( it was only b/c I’m white and he was black). I had no one on my side. I was so upset. All I wanted was for someone to tell me they loved me and they would be behind me 100%. I never got that so mom made the appointment. As I walked in the doors for the appointment everyone looks up. I sit down embarrassed of being there. My eyes are filled with tears. They begin calling names and I am the next to be called back and asked to get dressed in some little pieces of clothes. I go and sit back down and am asked to go get my ultrasound. I go into a room and some jelly stuff is spread on my belly, it’s cold and as I look into the monitor I see my tiny baby. I can see the whole body, I see the heart beating and I ask the women is the baby healthy she says yes. She tells me that I was 12 1/2 weeks so then I know it is not my boyfriends it is a guy I slept with only one time. I go outside to tell mama thinking it would be a bit easier now. Then I’m called back to the room it would all take place. I am asked to climb on the table , lie down ,and put my feet up. As I lie down on the cold table I had a feeling like no other. My heart began to beat fast, It almost hurt to breath, I began to shake all over and am asked to stay still. I tell mama I didn’t want to do this, please mama I say, she replies it will all be over in a minute. I lay there knowing what’s going on and cry loudly. What is said to be six minutes seems a lifetime. Then I’m sent to a recovery room for an hour. Everyone seemed so relieved but not me I’m longing for what I have just let go. I go home and still remember the sounds of the machine,the cold table, and every thought. Not until a couple days later did it really seem to hit. I began to go into a deep depression and still blame my parents. I always think about on may 15th I would be having a baby. I’m young but still know the feeling of heartache. I cry out all the time. I have nightmares that are awful and wake up screaming. I have flashbacks all the time. And sometimes I dream of what the baby would have been like and think of the fun things we would have been able to do together. The crazy thing is sometimes I still imagine the baby being there and feel something that is almost like a baby kicking in my stomach. I truly regret this and only wish I could take it back. The baby is in my every thought.

Thanks, Amanda

August 9th 2000. That’s the day my life changed forever. I was 17, going into my senior year of high school. I am the youngest of five children, and my parents are extremely old fashioned. But anyway, here’s my story:

I had been with my boyfriend for about 3 months and we had just started having sex. We used protection and took precautions, but apparently not enough. I knew I was pregnant even before I took the test. I don’t know how to explain, I guess it was “mother’s instinct.” I told my boyfriend that I was a day late…a day! I just knew. so we waited until I was a week late and we went to the store and he bought a test. the next morning I took it and it came out positive. I just sat there….with no emotion. I called and told him. he didn’t have anything to say, he didn’t know what to say. we just decided that we’d talk about it when we could be together. I never wanted an abortion…not for one second through the entire ordeal. I
couldn’t tell my parents because I thought they would kick me out and I didn’t want them to be disappointed in me. I was seven weeks pregnant when we found out. I was in a trance so it was basically all up to him. I didn’t really know too much about abortion at the time. I went to a catholic high school so all they tell you is not to do it. he found the place but I had to call. it was the hardest phone call to make. the date I was scheduled was august 9th. my baby had a scheduled date to die. my baby. it’s an amazing feeling to have a living thing inside of you. knowing that it needs you to survive.

so august 9th came. my boyfriend went with me. neither of us realized what was actually going on. we did what they told us and that was it. I didn’t look at my sonogram, they had the screen facing away. I didn’t admit that I was really pregnant until I heard the doctor say, “yup your definitely pregnant.” the doctors there were extremely nice and they reminded me I had other options but I insisted that my parents would kill me. I went into
another room a bit later and there were like 5 or 6ish other girls in there. it was a weird feeling in that room, like we all knew it was the wrong thing to do but we all tried to make each other feel better about it. it was a support group of sorts. I was the last one of my group to get it done. it was torture waiting there, listening to the machine run for a few minutes, knowing another baby was being killed. but I was called and taken into the room. I laid down and they put the shot in my arm. they told me to count to ten and everything got all fuzzy. I was crying through the whole thing. it hurt..yeah like cramps but I kept thinking of what I was doing. when it was
over I was so hysterical, screaming and crying they had to get a wheelchair to take me to the recovery room. I couldn’t walk. I just kept saying “my baby, my baby”. it was over, my baby was gone. just like that.

I haven’t been able to really laugh, or been happy, or enjoy anything since that fateful day. I think back now, and I realize that my parents are my parents forever and they can’t hate me, just like I could never hate my baby. they love me the way I love my baby. I wish I would have understood that a year and a half ago. my boyfriend and I are still together and he’s admitted that when he saw me walk out after it happened that it really hit him and he knew it was the wrong thing to do. I know that if you haven’t decided what you’re gong to do about your pregnancy, you feel very alone. but you have to know there are a lot of women out there who do understand. I need to talk about it. I don’t know how I’m ever going to feel better about it, I doubt I will. I just know that my baby will always be in my thoughts and prayers, and someday I will be with him, and then I can apologize, but
until then I will live with this pain for the rest of my life.

I’m not gong to tell you not to have an abortion, because I heard that my whole life and I still did. the only advice I’m going to give is this: don’t let anyone change the way you feel. do what feels right to you and no one else. I know you’d be embarrassed to be young and pregnant, but you’ll be able to look back 10 years from now and tell you child you love them and see the smile on their face. I will never see my baby smile. I will never hear him laugh. I will never watch him play baseball or graduate high school, or get married. I can’t because I made the wrong decision and I let people influence what I believed in. there are so many people out there who want to
have children that can’t, but you can, and you can give both your child and a deserving couple life and happiness.

remember, you always have a choice…a choice NOT to. thank you for reading this. (by the way, I named him Noah…)

~Julie

I have written and told my story before about my abortion and how sad I got afterwards and how I wish I never did it and how I cry so much still even though it has been a while since I had to lose my baby.

I wish I could have seen your site before I had my abortion, may be I would have keep my baby. But the reason I did not was because wanted to but because I was young and had no where to go if my dad had found out and kicked me out of my house. I am still with the same wonderful guy but we are missing a big part of us. Our little baby. I had the abortion in march and I cry almost every night still. I often come to your site and read the letters that people have sent and how some women/girls feel sad and depressed after having their abortions. I understand how they fell. I understand 100% because I went through the same thing. If you are thinking of having an abortion make sure that it is what you really want to do. Or you will wind up like me wishing you could go back in time, and make every thing ok.