Woman Regrets Abortion of Twin Sons

I had an abortion on August 25,1995. I unfortunately aborted a set of healthy twins. I remember that day like it was two minutes ago. I just want to say that abortion is wrong any way you look at it. I am twenty seven years old and my sons would be going on six. The day of my abortion was a nightmare.The staff at the clinic was so cold to me. When it was my time to have my “counseling session”. They treated me like I had taken a number, it was like they wanted me to hurry up and get on with it. I was crying so hard you would have thought they would tell me to go home; that I didn’t belong there. I found out I was having twins right then and there at the clinic that morning. The nurse just let me see the ultrasound screen. I will never forget seeing my sons moving around with so much energy. I will take that blessed memory with me to my grave. I remember being hysterical and numb at the same time. I had so many questions to ask the doctor. They showed me a video of the “procedure”, boy was that a hoax! My doctor only said three things to me: “Okay, one more to go”. Nice. I hated him instantly. In the video it showed the doctor consulting with the woman he was to perform the abortion on. Why didn’t he do that to me?

And the noise the agonizing sucking noises. I sat up at one point to see where it was coming from and I saw a long clear tube filled with blood and mucus. Those were my babies. The babies that entrusted their lives to me. The innocent children I as their mother was to protect. What happened? I had already had a two year old daughter, wasn’t I supposed to know that I was carrying lives? After aborting my boys, I was a wreck. I instantly had a nervous breakdown. I contemplated suicide because I had lost my will to live. I felt I needed to be with them and to help them somehow. I could hear them calling me at night reaching out to me, but I couldn’t touch them. I wanted out of my misery. God would not allow it. You see He needed me to learn from what I had did to his precious gifts, He waited patiently for me and it took three years for me to realize exactly what I had done. I had murdered my own children. I was so engrossed on missing them, I really hadn’t thought about the murder part.

When you are in an abortion state of mind I have learned in a post abortive counseling group for Christians, is that you are not walking with Christ. You have chosen to take your life and the life of your baby in your own hands. You let the devil in and he plays you well. And in the end you lose. I have named my sons Brandon and Tyler and I will cherish them always. I have apologized to them and to my Lord in Savior. I have asked for forgiveness and I believe in my heart I am forgiven. But that will never take away how I miss my sons with my every being and always will. I am their mother. Once you carry a child for any amount of time, I believe you are a mother, rather they live or not. A mother always. Young ladies please, if you are into having sexual intercourse, use protection and if he really loves you, he will wait. You do not want to walk through my nightmare shoes. I could go on for years about my agony, the longing to hold my sons, to watch them blow out their birthday candles, open their Xmas gifts, or just simply hear them, smell them, touch them… Think about it; love yourself first and save yourself the long term agony of wanting, wishing, could have, should have, is an ongoing nightmare.
God Bless to all,

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