Growing up I never really paid any attention to the choices that I had… how could I, I was just a kid. Now, I’m 22 years old, last June (almost a year ago) I had my first and last abortion. I remember the day so clearly, it was the day after mother’s day (how ironic), I remember my best friend had picked me up from school, on the way home I started to feel nauseated.
I felt so sick to my stomach that even the car ride home was doing me no good; in fact it just made me worse. As I got out of the car I threw up coffee that I had earlier that morning, my best friend looked at me and asked me if I had gotten my period for that month, knowing well aware that I didn’t, I told her that I didn’t remember. I went upstairs to my apartment and felt an overwhelming urge to keep throwing up. Feeling sick and having no strength, I called into work “sick” I told my boyfriend that I was going to stay home that night, he was worried because he didn’t know what was going on with me. He went ahead and left to work that night, about 2 hrs. Later I decided to go to my local rite-aid and buy a pregnancy test, somehow, I just knew that I was pregnant, I just knew it, but I needed something to confirm the truth. I decided to wait until my boyfriend got home from work that night; I was too scared to do this on my own. He came home a little after 12:30 midnight, I took the test, and it was the scariest 5 minutes of my life… after the waiting I looked at the stick, my assumptions were confirmed, and I was indeed pregnant! I remember my knees had weakened and I feel to the ground, my life of no responsibility had ended and I was not ready to be a mother.
I went to the doctor and still being in shocked had another pregnancy test done, I guess I was so in shock that I wanted to really make sure that I was pregnant. I remember crying my eyes out and feeling so confused and scared… after hours of talking about our decisions and possibilities, my boyfriend and I both decided to have the abortion.
There were so many reasons why we did this, and please don’t misconstrue that as an “excuse” but I wanted to give this life everything it deserved, struggling was not an option, I could care less if I struggled.
It’s been almost a year since my life and eyes have been opened up. After the procedure I cried and constantly thought about “what could’ve been” the truth is, what’s done is done, I can’t change the past decision or actions that I have made. I do know that if I ever do get the opportunity to have another baby, abortion is not an option; it was a mistake that was made once and only once, never again!
Ann
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