Category: Men and Abortion

In her book, Teri Stanon describes how when her daughter Sheri became pregnant, they did not care about the feelings of the baby’s father. They decided on abortion without consulting him:

“Once Sheri’s pregnancy was discovered, the baby’s father was totally unnoticed and unrecognized. He was not made a part of the decision-making process that was flying all around him like a cyclone without a brain. Nobody asked him how he felt, or what he thought, let alone what he wanted for his baby. Worse yet, nobody cared.… We just, unintentionally, removed him from the whole event like he was somehow a nonentity in Sheri’s life or the life of their child.”

Teri Stanton Two Minus One: Our Abortion Story (Meadville, PA: Christian faith Publishing, Inc., 2016)  33 – 34

As in many cases, the father never had any say in whether his child would be aborted.

Read about men and abortion regret. 

Sheri and her mother both came to regret the abortion.

 

Share on Facebook

From a man whose partner had an abortion:

“It is something from me as well as from her that is taken away. It is like a piece of our love that is removed and that we have to rebuild.”

Vivian Wahlberg Memories After Abortion (Oxford: Radcliffe Publishing, 2007) 51

Studies have shown that up to 70 – 80 % of relationship break up following an abortion.

Share on Facebook

From Evan, a post-abortion father, whose partner had an abortion 20 years ago:

“I didn’t pressure my girlfriend to have an abortion, but I knew if I actually thought about what I was doing, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. Was I really murdering my first child? Yes, but I didn’t want to look at it in those terms, so I stayed cold and numb and drove her to the clinic to get it “taken care of,” as they say. As I study human history and the atrocities of the past, like the slave ships going to England in the 1800s or even the Nazis, I wonder how these people lived with themselves. Now I understand. However, you can only shut it off for so long – eventually you have to come face-to-face with the truth…

The writer of the iconic song “Amazing Grace” was a former captain of a slave ship for many years… He could no longer live with the pain and he came face-to-face with God’s forgiveness. It was then that he wrote the song…

My “Amazing Grace moment” came when I was married (not to the abortion girlfriend) and my then seven-year-old son asked a simple question. In our house we sing and dance, and I have little raps that I did with my children. The one with my son had a line that said “You’re my one and only, my only son.” Simple enough, until my son looked me in the eye and said, “Am I your only son, daddy?” This simple and innocent question pierced my soul; everything that I had suppressed for the past 20 years came rushing upon me. Did I dare answer with the truth? “I don’t know, son, I murdered my first child before I found out if it was a boy or girl.” It was at this moment I had to confront the truth and ask for forgiveness from my bride, from God, and then from the most important person, myself.”

Jeanne G Miller Lives Interrupted: the Unwanted Pregnancy Dilemma (Tyler, Texas, 2014) 119 – 120

More quotes from men who were affected by abortion

Share on Facebook

A letter from a postabortion man who wrote to an author writing a book on abortion:

“I’m a bit drunk – it’s the only way I can cope with thoughts about the abortion. Twelve years on, here we are battling with the results of not one but two abortions. Talk about being fucked-up. Even now my wife will only admit to one of the abortions. She felt compelled to go through with the abortions because of her family and the hurt she might cause them. We were young, romantic and “in love”…The Pill made her ill and condoms weren’t romantic….we weren’t married at the time. Today we are awaiting an appointment with a psychiatrist to try and sort out our heads. Oh, the regrets. And oh, the pain.”

He did not leave his name.

Quoted in Mary Kenny Abortion: The Whole Story (London: Quartet Books, 1986) 86

Share on Facebook

From a man whose girlfriend had an abortion:

“Jenny rang me as soon as she had a chance to take the test. “I think I’m pregnant,” she said. Those words hit me like a sledgehammer. Her next words left me trembling: “I’ve decided to have an abortion”.

I offered to come over so that we could talk things through. “There’s nothing more to say,” she said icily. I tried to reply but she cut me off. “I don’t want this baby and it’s my choice to make. Do you understand me?” …

I assured her that I would be there for her and that we could find a way to give our child a meaningful life.….

I had quickly come to terms with the prospect of parenthood, before fighting in vain to save the life I helped create. Nothing can describe the profound sense of powerlessness that comes with watching someone terminate a life that you helped create. I felt alone in a sea of pain, desperate to keep afloat.

Despite my best efforts, Jenny went through with the abortion. The pregnancy was over and, weeks later, so was our relationship. …

Wounds do heal over time – even deep ones – but scars remain. Eight years later, I find myself incredibly blessed with a beautiful, bright and loving wife, a 19-month-old son and a daughter due in January. At times, I can’t help but look into my son’s deep grey-blue eyes and wonder what his older brother or sister might have been like.

Sadly, my story is not unique; other men have experienced the same anguish.”

Tony Perry “‘I wish I could have prevented my girlfriend’s abortion’ The Telegraph 12 Sep 2014

Share on Facebook

In an article by a counselor:

“People may be relieved after abortion, and utterly convinced of the rightness of the action they’ve taken, but no one rejoices. Abortion is a difficult experience for everyone concerned. That includes men. A man may escape the physical trauma, but it’s unlikely they’ll come through unscathed.”

Bruce Rappaport, a counselor in San Francisco

Carol Lynn Mithers “Abortion: Are Men There Would Women Need Them Most?” Mademoiselle, April 1981, P230

Share on Facebook

From a man whose partner had an abortion:

“It’s such a serious, emotional situation that a minor change in emotion or atmosphere can precipitate a break by one or the other person. She said, “Just give me the money!,” And I said “Fine!”… I could afford to eliminate the evidence of my mistake. Other people can’t.”

Arthur B Shostak, Gary McLouth, Lynn Seng Men and Abortion: Lessons, Losses, and Love (New York, NY: Praeger, 1984) 36

Share on Facebook

An American actor and musician whose partner had an abortion said that he was:

“furious and very hurt when I found out that my girlfriend had an abortion. She knew that I would’ve been happy to have a child with her and get married. I’m not against abortion, but I wanted to have children with her. I think she should have at least asked me how I felt since we were committed to each other – at least I thought we were.”

Miriam Claire The Abortion Dilemma: Personal Views on a Public Issue (New York: Insight Books, 1995) 95

Share on Facebook

“As the law stands we have no rights. Our babies can be killed and I’m told we can’t arrange decent burial. We can’t even prevent the fetus from being used for medical experiments.”

Peter Marshall, father of the child aborted against his wishes

News of the World December 31, 1989

Quoted in Jenny Bryan Abortion (East Sussex, England: Wayland Publishers Limited, 1991) 23

Share on Facebook

From a postabortion father:

“While this [abortion] was not the only reason for our subsequent divorce, it was a major one. I blamed her for being so insistent on having the abortion. I felt that she had coerced me to into making a decision that was really against my inner feelings. I never forgave her while we were together, because I didn’t want to face the fact that I was a co-conspirator with her. I only knew that the child was gone, and could never be replaced.

We separated one year after the abortion and divorced a few months after that. I don’t know what side effects she might have as a result of the abortion because I haven’t seen her since the divorce. But I do know how it affected my life.”

Testimony gathered by the Crisis Pregnancy Center of San Francisco

Curt Young The Least of These: What Everyone Should Know about Abortion (Chicago, Illinois: Moody Press, 1984) 55

Share on Facebook