Author: Tech

I had an abortion this past spring. My baby would be a few weeks old if I had of had the strength to stand up to social pressures and just give it a chance at life and love. I know some people looking to this website are either considering abortion or trying to understand it,

I really hope you don’t walk away thinking everything you’re reading is correct. I hope you seriously take some time to yourself to let it all sink in, without the pressure, without the drugs that the hospital gives you and just figure out what is good for you? And how a life with a baby is possible. My sister had a teenage pregnancy and we live in a lower middle class family. She was left alone by her partner, and I can honestly say that with hard work and loving family/friends she was able to finish school and college and begin her own business within 9 years…I am very proud and almost envious of her…I love her and my niece.

I however, wasn’t able to process everything. I made a serious connection with the baby, I even promised I would love it even if its father did it approve of its being. I am an educated woman with no real work opportunities; in fact, I am not finished school yet. Living at home with my family was a major reason, that and my then boyfriend was a teacher in a catholic school system. I seriously regretted my abortion. It causes me to be depressed and change as a person all together. I stopped hanging around my friends or anymore who tried to make me feel good or happy, because I didn’t think I deserved the attention or love. I never visit my family and it’s usually short visits…I have increased my alcohol intake significantly…I would rather be living happily at home with parents with my baby, than being someone who is living at home unhappily, with a drinking problem not to mention mood swings and depression. I have serious anxiety issues now too. I wake up crying and end up messing opportunities up with work or social functions…I have serious sleep issues and I try to shake it off and smile and act like I’m okay, but I’m really not.

Please, if you can raise the baby you are carrying, just do it or at least think about it. If you can live with it, then go ahead….I thought I could live with it then 6 months later I am still severely upset and cry. You can’t escape the reminders of life, someone is going to show you a picture of their ultrasound at some point and what can you say? awwwwwww how cute, I killed something that look just like that picture you are smiling at…..seriously….it’s rough, unpleasant and you like I said, you cant escape life, it’s all around you and it will remind you.

I was at a funeral for a baby 2 weeks before I terminated my baby’s life….that attributed to my pain on many levels….I still talk to my baby, I thought it was a girl, but I will never know. She / he is in the hands of my loved ones who went before me on the other side…they are with her soul and I know she forgives me and will come again when and if I am blessed with life inside me again, she will enter my body and I will give her the best life that I can, I long to feel her again, to feel her love and the connection….

if you are a boyfriend reading this….offer love and only love and support….don’t even mention doubt into your g/f, wife or friends ear…it’s wrongful and causing a lot of problems on top of the hormones. If it’s right she will know…but if she has time to think about it, I know she will make the right choice….men become fathers and fall in love with their child when they see it, women do when they feel it.

If you won’t love it, then simply let someone else love it. but don’t leave her, support her as a friend, if anything.

I hope this helps anyone out

 

 

 

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I am a 32 yrs. old and have 2 children. When a good friend told me about your site I decided to check it out, never in my dreams was I prepared for what I saw. I have had several abortions but have never seen it as I have today.

The pain, hurt and disappointment that I feel for myself and for what I have done are worse now than ever before. The thought of what I had done has always been there but I had never pictured it as I do now. To think that my oldest son is 10 and I had made three separate appointments to have an abortion when I was pregnant with him just breaks my heart. How could I even think of life without him right now…there is no way. So now I feel the pain for the others that I did not give that chance to…why? My youngest is 2 and at first I had doubts but I live a different life now than I did then so I know I have become a better person…for the better of us all.

But I cannot contain the pain that I feel right now as I am writing to you I am in tears for those other children which I never gave a chance to live. My last abortion was done in March of 1995 and I was about 16 weeks into that pregnancy and I had to be dilated for a day before having the abortion. I never thought that it was so developed at that point I figured that like my previous pregnancies it was just tissue or something else. I lied to myself for I knew it wasn’t right and now that I have seen what I have done it just tears me up inside. How could I have been so stupid? How could I have not gotten more information and tried to know exactly what I was doing…though I knew that in God’s eyes it was wrong that is the only thing I thought of. Now I only ask that he forgive me and help me to bring knowledge to those who don’t. It is something that I have always felt bad for doing but today I see it in a new light…it is much worse than I thought.

If there is anything I can do to help others and help them with this choice I will be more than willing to do so. The pain that your heart will eventually endure has no measure. May God forgive us all.

 

 

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When I was 16 years old I became pregnant and subsequently had an abortion. This decision, which was based upon lies and lack of knowledge, has caused me many years of anguish and will continue to do so for the rest of my life. Here is my story:

August 1977–I was 16 and I was pregnant. I knew this because I had gone to the local Health Department for a free pregnancy test and they had called me back that morning. The counselor on the phone asked me what I was going to do. What was I going to do? I had just began “experimenting” with sex. I wasn’t suppose to get pregnant. That happened to other people, not me. I answered the counselor, “I don’t know, maybe an abortion. I just don’t know.” The counselor picked up on this statement and offered to make an appointment for me at a Dallas abortion clinic. I agreed. I was never counseled towards anything, or offered any alternative other than abortion. My abortion was publicly funded.

A few days later I was taken to an abortion clinic in Dallas. Upon arrival I was “counseled.” The counselor showed me a picture of a six week old “fetus.” This picture looked like chopped liver. I was told by the counselor that at this stage of development, the fetus was not a baby, that it was no more than a “wad of tissue.” I was informed that there was nothing to the procedure. It would not hurt any more than menstrual cramps, and there were few side effects. I was told that I would have to stay there for an hour after the abortion (which I did not do) to make sure my bleeding was not too severe. They gave me a morphine pill to relax me and said I could have a morphine shot with the pill if I wanted it. I did not.

I was taken to an exam room where I was placed in an examination position. The doctor dilated my cervix and proceeded to insert the vacuum aspirator. I felt when the baby caught and immediately began having severe cramps. The doctor finished and they rushed the bottle (which contained my baby) out of the room before I could see it. This tends to disturb the patient when she sees her baby (who only minutes ago was sleeping peacefully in her womb) ripped to shreds in a glass jar. I was then taken to a waiting area to make room for another woman who had made the “choice” to murder her baby. I continued to have severe cramps for the rest of the day. I felt sad and empty, as if a part of my soul had been taken away.

As I look back at my post-abortion life, I realize that so many of the mistakes that I made and created for myself were due to the subconscious image I had created of myself, I had killed my own baby. How could anyone love me when I couldn’t love myself?

I began to drink heavily and use drugs. I had severe depressions in which I contemplated suicide. I had, and still have, horrible nightmares involving babies and people trying to kill me. I still get depressed and cry a lot. I pray at night that God will let my baby know that I didn’t kill him because I hated him. I long to hold him so much now that it hurts, and I want him to know that.

I harbor secret fears that one of my children will be taken from me because of this horrible act that I have committed. This fear was compounded when I almost miscarried one of my children at twelve weeks. I feel sure the problem was connected to my abortion. The problems go on and on. I had never allowed myself to calculate the month that my baby would have been born. Recently I figured out when the baby would have been born and was horrified when I realized that it was within weeks of when both of my children were born. I had felt intense pressure from within myself to become pregnant at this particular time with both my children. And now the realization has hit me that subconsciously I have substituted my live children for my dead child, by conceiving and giving birth at the same times.

I have spent many years trying to push the memory of what I have done to the back of my mind, but it won’t stay there. I have constantly compared my dead child to what he would have been doing had he lived. I understand that most women who choose to abort experience the same feelings. My child would have been in first grade this year. It’s very hard for me to look at a first grader.

I have shed many tears over the last few years and now I’m angry. I’m angry at myself, my family, the abortion clinic, their counselors, the doctors (who can commit murder on a daily basis), and most of all I’m mad at my government, who prints “IN GOD WE TRUST” on our coins, yet has legalized the daily painful, violent slaughter of the youngest members of our society.

I hope and pray that our great nation can turn this thing around before it is too late for all of us. And most of all before we as individuals have to stand before God and confess what we have done to His most perfect creation.

Originally published in The PostAbortion Review 3(4) Fall 1995.

Elliot Institute, PO Box 7348, Springfield, IL 62791-7348

Additional material is posted at www.afterabortion.org

 

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In 1979, I was nineteen years old. I was sharing an apartment with a co-worker. One night I went out for a drink with my 34 year old step-uncle. After a few drinks we left and the next thing I knew we were back at my apartment. I did not have much contact with him after that until the day that I called him to tell him I thought I was pregnant. His first response was how did I know it was his. His second response was “I thought you were on the pill.”

When the pregnancy test came back positive, I set up an appointment with my doctor. He told me how far along I was, when the due date was, and that he would be happy to see me through my pregnancy. By this time, reality was setting in and I was very scared. I asked him about abortion. His only response was that he didn’t do abortions. That’s all. No information at all.

When I called my step-uncle back to report all this, he told me that he had talked to several of his female friends and they told him an abortion was “no big deal.” I then went to tell my mom and stepfather that I was pregnant. By now I was really trying to reach out to find some help, but I didn’t find any. My mom and stepfather simply told me I was an adult and was my decision. Once again there was no support or information given. I was so scared. I just wanted the nightmare to end. I made the decision to have the abortion.

From the moment that I found out that I was pregnant, I had begun to shut down emotionally. This emotional shutdown became even more complete when I walked into the clinic. The people at the clinic were very cold. They showed no emotions at all; they told me nothing. I was not prepared at all for what was about to happen to me. Again, I received no real support or information.

My mother had driven me there, and she paid for it. Most of the girls there were young, and their mothers had brought them, too. I remember that while we were all having our abortions the mothers all went out for coffee, as though we were in there having our hair done.

I felt so dirty and worthless. I remember after leaving the clinic, I went home with my mother and I remember her saying to me, “You basically had a D & C. You’re young and will get over it. Just forget it ever happened and go on with your life.” I did just that. Or so I thought.

I met my husband, got married. But I didn’t tell him about the abortion. I didn’t think I could tell him or he would hate me and leave me.

We had our first daughter and I never felt the deep love for her I should have. For several reasons, I guess. The first is that I had never grieved over the loss of the child I had aborted. I was also afraid to love her too much. I felt that God was just going to take her away from me to punish me for killing my first child. We then had a second child which I loved deeply.

We were married about ten years, and the pain of my abortion was becoming unbearable. One morning I tearfully told my husband the truth. I remember telling him that I really needed to tell him something, but he would probably hate me for it. I told him about the abortion and was then shocked to hear all the support and compassion that he gave me. I feel that the support that I received, for the first time in my life, had a lot to do with my seeking help. Before this, I never felt that I was worthy of love, nor did I love myself.

I contacted Project Rachel in Omaha, who referred me to a counselor. I saw this counselor about three times. She then told me about a Bible Study group through Project Rachel which I could attend. Going through the Bible Study brought to the surface a lot of feelings which I needed to work through in counseling, which I then received.

We finished our Bible Study group and from there we have started a monthly support group. I have also talked to other groups about my abortion experience and just how it has affected my life. I feel that is so important to tell my story so people might begin to understand the true devastation of abortion.

I lost a very special child, and I will always miss and love her with all my heart. But I truly believe that this same child has shown me that it is possible to love again.

Originally published in The PostAbortion Review 2(3) Fall 1994.

Elliot Institute, PO Box 7348, Springfield, IL 62791-7348

 

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I was 18 and dating a man my parents strongly disapproved of. So they “made a deal” with me: they would send me to college if I would break up with him. I agreed, though I never really meant to keep my end of the bargain.

I realized I was pregnant when the smells from chemistry class kept making me sick. A friend convinced me to go her doctor in town. He diagnosed pregnancy immediately, saying, “Such a shame, another young one.” He told me not to worry, that “it” could be “taken care of.” He never once said anything about keeping the baby, but gave me a card from the local abortuary.

Although I had no strong religious convictions, the visit to the clinic for my initial “consultation” left me feeling bad. The nurse told me to come back in a week with the money to have it done.

I had heard some things about abortion, and I knew it was probably wrong. So that whole week, I talked with friends and teachers, looking for advice. One female teacher in particular advised me to have it done. She told me that she had had several abortions, that it was “nothing,” and that I didn’t need this trouble in my life right now.

No one, at any time, told me anything about adoption or keeping the child. In fact, one of my teachers was a nun – and I approached her, too, with my problem. I think now that I really wanted someone to say “No! Don’t do it!” But even the nun told me that abortion was the best route for me.

My boyfriend didn’t have the money, so my parents volunteered to pay for it. When I broke down in front of them, saying that I thought it was wrong to do this, they told me they would kick me out of the house if I didn’t have the abortion. My father said he wouldn’t have any “little brown babies in his house!” (My boyfriend was Italian-Puerto-Rican.) They told me that if I had the baby, I would be completely on my own. I felt like there was absolutely no way I could escape the inevitable.

When the time came, my boyfriend and some friends from school went with me. There were no protesters, no pro-life people. In fact, during the whole time of this crisis, I never heard a word about or from the pro-life side.

I was led to a room with a whole group of girls, just like me, waiting to have their babies killed. No one talked. No one looked at anyone else. They called our names, one by one.

I was very scared, mostly of the pain they said I might feel. With the counselor, I mostly cried. But she just agreed with everyone I had talked to. Yes, this is a bad time to have a child. Yes, you’re too young. Yes, having a child costs a lot of money. Yes, it would be so hard for you to raise a child on your own. Yes, this is the best thing to do.

Waiting to have my name called, I tried to convince myself of these things. I just wanted the whole thing to be over with.

Finally they called me in and put me on a table. The dilation was extremely painful. A counselor held my hand and told me not to cry, it would be over soon.

The suction machine was very loud – a horrible noise. They had a picture on the ceiling for you to look at so you wouldn’t have to think about what was happening to you. The image of that picture is burned into my memory. They took my baby from me while I looked at people walking in the rain.

My boyfriend got drunk while I was in the clinic. He could hardly drive me home. He was late picking me up and I stood on the corner in front of the clinic, bleeding and embarrassed until he came.

When we got back to my dorm room, I was crying. I told everyone how awful it was, and how I wished I hadn’t done it after all. My boyfriend laughed at me – laughed at me! – and said, “Well, that’s what you get for screwing around!” One of the guys from school tried to throw him out, and they got into a fight. It was a horrible scene. I’m sure he got drunk to try and deal with it; he knew, deep down, that it was wrong. He was only trying to blame me for it so the responsibility for it wouldn’t weigh on his shoulders.

In the end, the abortion did not “solve all my problems” as everyone had promised. My parents still kicked me out. I had to quit school. I married the boyfriend. It didn’t work out. He became an alcoholic and a drug addict. He beat me up and brought other women into our bed.

One night during a drunken spree, he held a knife to my chest. I told him to kill me, that I wanted to die. I had nothing. No parents, no husband, really, no baby, and no self-respect. How could he respect me? I had killed our child. How could I look at myself in the mirror every day? I was a murderer. I truly wanted to die. Soon after this, we were separated and divorced.

My abortion was about ten years ago. To me, it’s like a bad, bad nightmare, deep in the past, best forgotten. I still haven’t told anyone in my present life (my husband, my church friends, anyone I respect) about the abortion. I can’t. I know that they would see me differently, and I couldn’t stand that.

I’ve had one child since then, and I’m pregnant again. These children are my joy — and my forgiveness from God. My little boy is so, so precious and wonderful. If I had only known how sweet and wonderful a baby is, I never would have done it – not in 2 million years.

I now picket the clinics in the area, and I write letters to the paper and give money to pro-life groups. This helps a little — I feel that I need to do at least this much.

It’s obvious that the abortion wrecked my life. Emotionally, I was a different person before and after it. It left a path of destruction in my life. My family, my first marriage, my image of myself – all a total wreck. Nothing will ever be the same.

I know now the lies I was told, the truths that were withheld from me, the facts that were glossed over or left out. As a pregnant woman, I go to my doctor’s office and see pictures of babies in tummies. Month by month, I hear my baby’s heartbeat. I’m told how to do everything that’s best for my baby’s health. Why is it legal across town to NOT tell these things?

I am just glad that I’m able to tell others. I’m glad that I can be outside that clinic when no one was there for me. I may not be able to confess my abortion, but I can fight abortion!

Originally published in The PostAbortion Review 1(3) Fall 1993.

Elliot Institute, PO Box 7348, Springfield, IL 62791-7348

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9/8/09

My goodness i thought i was alone! i remember the smell, that awful chair!!!! i didnt know any better, they were telling me its just sells. I was so young, i wanted them both! i have lost my mind! i drink to take away my pain… i will never forgive myself for not being strong! when i have kids.. how can i look them in the eyes without thinking of what could have been? NEVER HAVE AN ABORTION NO MATTER WHO TRYS TO FORCE YOU! NICK CANNON- CAN I LIVE.. LISTEN TO THAT SONG !

Chantelle S.

 

This is part of a collection of stories from a pro-life website’s (AbortionTV) mail desk. All of these women have written in after reading the information on the site, which includes women’s stories and photos of aborted babies.

Letters are presented as they are, with no changes or corrections.

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6/26/09

I had and abortion with twins. I was getting married and I convinced myself that it wasn’t the right time. So did my fianc’. He made me do it. I wish I could have changed my mind and just kept them. I got laid off from work we were just starting out and I didn’t want children with someone who didn’t want them. I’m so depressed and I have no one to talk to. He doesn’t want to talk about it with me he just rather forget it ever happen. But I think about it everyday. I try not to because I have two kids that need me but didn’t they need me too. I feel so worthless inside. It’s like no one understands my pain. I don’t know what to do. I can’at tell my mom it would kill her. Abortion is never the answer. Trust me you will feel like giving up, depressed and just confused. That’s how I feel confused. It’s been three months and I still don’t have a job. Everyday I look at him and I hate him sometimes. How he can just walk around like nothing never happened. But who am I to hate him I might as well hate myself while I’m at it. I ask God to forgive me but it seems like I can’t forgive myself. U don’t want this monkey in your back for the rest of your life. Trust me. I need counseling because this cant be a quick fix like and abortion. So if you thinking about doing it think again and again and again. It’s not worth the pain.

M.N.
This is part of a collection of stories from a pro-life website’s (AbortionTV) mail desk. All of these women have written in after reading the information on the site, which includes women’s stories and photos of aborted babies.

Letters are presented as they are, with no changes or corrections.
 

 

 

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had an abortion a couple of years ago to twins. I didn’t know anything and they told me that it wasn’t a baby, there was no beating heart so there was no pain at all. They lied to me. I was 11 weeks to twins. I only did it thinking it was not harmful in any way. After finding your website and looking it up on you tube I now learn what happens and the truth. I am broken hearted for what I have done to those two precious babies. I will never forgive myself. I think it’s so important for women to know the truth before going ahead. The clinics lie to you to make you go through it. I was stupid enough to believe them. I am having trouble with life now realizing what actually happens. I now have a 1year little girl and she is the love of my life. I am getting married this year but Every time I look at my daughter I think about those two angels everyday. I really need help, I am struggling to go through this. I cry myself to sleep every night. My fiance doesn’t know what to do. He was devastated to see the procedure as well and said he wouldn’t have let me go through with it if he knew. But I just want to say thank you for telling women the truth. I just wish I found this website before I went through it. It would have saved two gorgeous babies lives. I talk to them everyday. I try to think they are in heaven, but they would hate me so much. I don’t blame them. I wish I could turn back time.

Thank you for doing this for babies sake.

Sarah

Brisbane, Australia

This is part of a collection of stories from a pro-life website’s (AbortionTV) mail desk. All of these women have written in after reading the information on the site, which includes women’s stories and photos of aborted babies.

Letters are presented as they are, with no changes or corrections.

 

 

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