Author: Tech

I was 18 years old when I had my abortion, in 1975. I had been dating my boyfriend for over a year and we had been sleeping together for a couple of months before I got pregnant. He had been backing off of our relationship, seeing another girl, and I suppose unconsciously I thought I could hang on to him by sleeping with him. I was a mess emotionally at the time, I was not thinking clearly. We thought it would be okay if we slept together on “safe days”.

I remember telling him that I might be pregnant. He didn’t say much, except that he would marry me if that was what I wanted. After I found out for sure that I was pregnant he was still seeing his other girlfriend, so that made it pretty clear to me that I was on my own. I wanted to talk to my best friend about it, but she would’ve told her mom, and she was a terrible gossip. My sister and I weren’t speaking at the time. I couldn’t talk to my mom, she’d been through so much with my older sister. My parents had taken her to New York for an abortion three years earlier. I knew how much that had hurt them and I didn’t want to disappoint then or have them be ashamed of me. When my sister and I had moved out of the house a year earlier to live together in a house with my boyfriend we had a big blow up with my parents, Mom disowned us, Dad got real nasty. I just couldn’t face any more turmoil. My boyfriend had gotten another girl pregnant right before we started dating, and he had refused to have anything to do with her or the baby, so I didn’t really know what to expect. I felt so stupid for having let myself get into the same situation. I decided that abortion was my only choice. I told my boyfriend of my decision and asked him for half of the money to pay for the abortion. It cost $150 and I couldn’t come up with all of it that quickly. I was really sick to my stomach, scared. I was throwing up constantly. I thought for sure my Mom would figure it out, but she thought it was just because I was so upset about the way my boyfriend was treating me. I got into the clinic as soon as I could. I had convinced myself that if I got the abortion done soon enough, it wouldn’t really be a baby, just a little speck of tissue.

I talked to the counselor at the clinic and told her that my boyfriend and I planned to be married eventually, but we weren’t ready for it yet. She didn’t ask many questions. I was told to bring someone with me to drive me home. I didn’t want my boyfriend there, but I couldn’t tell anyone else, so I asked him to go with me. I don’t remember anything that day until I walked into the room where they performed the abortion. They told me to lay down. There was a bucket on the floor full of red liquid with a sign on it that said something like “This is not blood, it’s plasma.” The doctor come and touched me and told me that I had the eyes of a frightened doe. Then he said something like “You didn’t think it would happen to you, did you?”. He was very gentle, he described the procedure and said that it would hurt for a minute or two. It hurt intensely for what seemed like a minute. Afterwards they had me sit up, I threw up. I was shaking so I had to sit there for a minute to steady myself. I had to go to another room for about 20 minutes so they could be sure that there were no complications, but I don’t actually remember being there. After that we (all the girls who had just had abortions) were taken to a room and told about contraceptives.

I don’t remember leaving the clinic, but I remember taking a walk later and being relieved that it was over. I thought that I could pretend that it had never happened. I convinced myself that it was the only thing I could’ve done – it was over so I should just put it behind me. My boyfriend agreed, he said that we should never discuss it again and we both agreed never to tell anyone. He told me that when I had gone into that room he had wanted to grab me and drag me out of there — I wonder what I would’ve done if he had.

We eventually got back together and got married the next year. I lost a baby by miscarriage three years after our marriage. I really grieved for that baby and it entered my head that I was only a few weeks farther along than I had been when I had the abortion, yet I considered this one a baby. I guess I just pushed that thought away, I couldn’t handle it, I got pregnant again as soon as I could. I was scared that I’d never be able to have children, but fortunately I have.

I thought about the abortion over the years but never in an emotional way. It was like looking at the pictures but never letting the feelings in. I always told myself that my husband and I would’ve never made it through those first few years with a baby, and it’s probably true. He was angry and violent a lot in the early years of our marriage, and I told myself that it was better that there hadn’t been a child involved then.

I turned my life over to the Lord in 1988, but I still wouldn’t admit to myself that what I had done was wrong. It really bothered me when our Christian friends would talk about abortion, I felt that they were condemning me. For 14 years after the abortion I denied the truth until my husband and I went for counseling to work through some problems in our marriage. I had to face what I’d done and how I really fell about it, and it really devastated me. I was so ashamed of what I had done, I couldn’t see how God could forgive me for it. I wanted to just kill myself or hurt myself, but I eventually realized that being destructive to myself would only cause more hurt for everyone. I’m still having a hard time forgiving myself, but I know the Lord is working in my life to heal me, and I hope someday the pain I’ve been going through will allow me to be useful in helping other women.

I found out later that my sister had an abortion about the same time I did, at the same clinic. We would’ve both had teenagers now. In the back of my mind I always thought that the baby I aborted was a girl. We named her Lindsey Marie. I think a lot about what it would be like to have her here with us, what kind of personality she would have. I wonder how much she would resemble our other children. It’s hard to realize how much I’ve missed over the years by not having her here, and how much I’ll always miss her from now on. I take comfort in knowing that someday we’ll be reunited.

 

 

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As I lay in my bed tonight, I’m having a hard time letting my body relax enough to go to sleep. Before I started to write down my thoughts, my husband and I were praying, and as so often happens, my mind started to think about the two children I have in heaven that I’ve never seen. That I never had the chance to take to dancing lessons or little league games. That I never got to see grow up and learn to love the Lord as I do now. I think of what a wonderful life they could have now, with parents that are still together and made it through hard times with God’s help.

My children would be 17 and 16 years old now. I would have 4 children instead of 2. Perhaps my daughter would have the sister she always wanted, and my son the brother that he’s begged for all these years. How could I ever tell my two living children that I destroyed all their chances of that ever happening when I had killed their siblings through the act of abortion. When I think about it for too long, I don’t know how I can live with what I’ve done.

Oh, I thought as many of you have that I was caught in a situation of no escape. I was so young, and already had a small child to take care of, and with my future being so unsure how could I possibly bring another life into this terrible world? Certainly the thoughts of a desperate 20 year old, that was caught in a web of lies and confusion. With abortion now legalized, I thought this is my way out. I let the doctor convince me that I was doing nothing wrong. He said just let me do this simple office procedure, which he called regulation, and you will start your period, then everything will be alright. It sounded too good to be true. He told me that it wasn’t a baby but only a bloody blob. That it wasn’t alive, only tissue that could feel no pain.

I’ll never forget the pain that I suffered that day, which was nothing compared to my baby’s pain. He said the procedure was 99% effective, and wanting to believe him, I stopped crying. I put it out of my mind. But why two weeks later was I still sick in the morning and feeling the way I did? Back to the doctor for another visit which confirmed my worst fears – I was still pregnant! I couldn’t believe that the “Bloody Blob” as the doctor had called it was till alive inside me after the terrible ordeal that I had tried so hard to forget. He then told me I had to go in the hospital for them to finish the job. These things happen sometimes, he said, nothing to worry about, just another simple procedure.

Looking back, I know that child must have been fighting for its very life. If I had only known then what I know now about abortion! I heard what I wanted to hear, blacking out the reality of what I was about to do. The doctor said it must be done, and of course I HAD to do what he said, because he knew best. All I remember about that day was the nurse stroking my hair in the hall on a stretcher. After the shot they gave me, I remember crying quietly and mumbling “I want to keep my baby, but I can’t”. If I had only known that the doctor I had so much faith in was about to dilate my uterus, and dismember my baby limb from limb so it would be small enough to suck out of my body with that powerful suction machine, I would have wanted to die right there on the table with my baby. They also had to crush the baby’s skull before it could be sucked out. All I know is back then I thought I was getting rid of something that would cause too many unwanted problems in my life, but what I was really doing was letting someone cut up my precious little unborn baby. I didn’t really know the truth of any of this until years later.

The next time I got pregnant, with the same father, the timing still wasn’t right. You see I was living in a world where nothing mattered but me. I wasn’t ready to have another baby, and besides I was on birth control pills. How could this happen to me again? I was angry at my husband for getting me pregnant for the 3rd time. He was putting me through hell with his lying, drinking, and cheating. After all I had left him once and I was thinking about leaving again. Having a baby would just add something else to my already insane life. I just couldn’t handle it! It was much easier this time. There were all these special clinics available now. The counselors reassured me that I was doing nothing wrong. Again I fell for the lie of abortion and was totally convinced that there was nothing living inside of me. I just knew it was one more burden that I just couldn’t bear. As my husband waited, I went into a cold small room. No nice nurses this time, just a cruel procedure. I will never forget the sound of that vacuum machine as it tore my baby apart, into a jar where it was sent off to make perfume of hairspray.

After my husband and I gave our lives to the Lord in 1977, the overwhelming guilt of what I had done began to well up inside me. I couldn’t talk to him about it because I blamed him in a way for what I had done. I asked God to forgive me, but it wasn’t until last year that I was able to confess my sin and forgive myself. It was inconceivable to me that I could have done what I did all those years ago. I never really knew the horrible truth about abortion until about 1 1/2 years ago, because I was afraid to really know the truth. It has taken me years of mental anguish and sleepless nights of being able to forgive my husband, of fighting an eating disorder, of feeling like a hypocrite!

Afraid my Christian friends would find out and no longer love me. Of feeling the horrible guilt and pain of what I had done. I know there are millions of women out there that are feeling the same.

The truth about abortion is out! Women, it is murder plain and simple. If you have given birth to a child you know how much you love it. You would probably give your life to save it. But yet every day women (1 out of every 4) kill their babies. For every abortion performed there are two victims, one dead and one wounded. This has got to stop! Not only for the tortured babies, but for the mothers who have been the victims of this lie. We all need help, and only God and his word can heal this pathetic world. We have murdered 26,000,000 babies over the past 17 years. There are more babies being aborted each day than are being born, around 4,000 a day in our country alone. I have shared my story with you in the hopes that I can save a child’s life and let an expectant mother know there is a way out. I have lost 6 children that could have been born in my immediate family. I believe many of you would be surprised to know how many of your family members have been taken from you. I find it hard to believe that a 12 year old child cannot take an aspirin at school, or have their ears pierced without parental consent, but in the state of North
Carolina they can have an abortion without their parents being notified. What has happened to our country?

If you find yourself in trouble with no place to turn, please know you have someone who cares. There is a better way, please don’t make a mistake that you will have to live with the rest of your life. There are people that can help you at Pregnancy Crisis Centers across the country. Please call them, they can provide all your needs and help you in making an informed decision. If you’re already suffering with the torment of having an abortion, there is help for you also. Open ARMS (Abortion Related Ministries) will help you recover from the aftermath of an abortion with love and support Look in your local newspaper in the classified section for more information.

I know I have two children I’ve never seen waiting for me in heaven. I wish I could see them now to tell them how sorry I am, and how much I love them. Please find it in your hearts to pray for our country and help get our laws changed to protect the ones that can’t protect themselves. Right now the most dangerous place on the face of our earth to be is in your mother’s womb. If we fight to save the animals of this world, why can’t we fight to save our children?

In HIS Love,

A thankful and forgiven sinner

 

 

 

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I had one (abortion) when I was 16 and one when I was 20. I had the same boyfriend for almost 6 years, from the time I was 14-20. He was 3 years older than I was, a psychology major and he knew my stepfather hated me. He always held me and told me how much he loved me and wanted to marry me, but not when I became pregnant. Then he said he would never see me again and would tell everyone they weren’t his and hand my mother money to pay for the abortions. My mother made the appointment for the first one and took me. I finally got out of this relationship when I packed up my car and left NY and moved to WY right after my second one.

(The abortion) was a painful and miserable surprise. I was crying in the waiting room before the abortion, so they put me in a separate room to wait because they said I was scaring the other girls.

Terrible emotional pains and shame (followed) that I had no idea at the origin of. Abortion became legal right before I had mine and my boyfriend used this to make it seem ok. He said intelligent people make these laws, they wouldnt say it was all right if it wasn’t.

I went to a Pace Bible Study; after my second child was born with Hyaline membrane disease and is deaf as a result. I felt God was especially angry with me for my second abortion. When I had a third healthy child (a son) and it was the most wonderful feeling of my entire life. I did not go to PACE until after my third child was born nine years after my second abortion. Up until then I just felt like I had a terrible secret and like I was playing at being respectable and I dont think Ill ever like myself as much as I could have. I know God has forgiven me. I know sex is not love in itself, especially if it is destructive and I will teach my children to abstain.

Thank you for stopping people from having abortions. There was no opposition whatsoever when I had mine. All I had was guilt that I had been bad and the feeling that this (the abortion) would make it right. No one points out that either way a person goes it is a decision that stays with them all their life. I think I could live with myself a lot easier having given a child up for adoption. Abortion doesn’t make the baby go away, it just makes a dead baby.

I truly wish this activity would teach us to abstain till marriage. Men and boys included. I don’t think boys should be taught to sow their oats because girls never think of themselves in this way. I also know that I was in love and that if I didn’t “do it with him” someone else would.

Growing up in NY in the 70s, in high school there were a lot more girls that would, than wouldn’t. Girls should not be brought up with Cinderella stories because it makes us more vulnerable to exploitation. We need to teach our children that sex is biological and should not be confused with love. (It is a small part of love). I also think that if I had had the babies I would’ve grown up a lot sooner. I feel my life was greatly altered.

 

 

 

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In 1970 when I was 16 years old, I became pregnant. The doctor who told me I was pregnant said he didn’t do abortions but gave me the number of a doctor that did. I was appalled that he would refer me to an abortionist. I finally found the nerve to tell my mother. She asked me if I wanted a baby. I was hysterical. I told her I was too young to be a mother. My mother told me they had a new medical procedure where they suction you out and you’re no longer pregnant. This was the answer. My mom’s OBGYN examined me, sent me to a psychiatrist and scheduled a D & C. The OBGYN told me I was not physically able to carry a child. The psychiatrist said I was not emotionally ready. My mother never said another word. My boyfriend sold his motorcycle to pay for my medical procedure. I was ready for this to be done.

I checked into the hospital. I was in a ward with about six other women. The nurse came in and said to me you’re too young to be pregnant. Somebody in the ward used the word abortion and I just about fainted. I couldn’t believe I was going to have an abortion. I was there to get a medical procedure.

I laid in my bed and I prayed to God. I asked him to give me a sign if I was doing the wrong thing. I asked him to start a fire or something drastic. I asked him to make the doctor not show up. I wanted to change my mind. I wanted out but I was afraid to inconvenience the doctor. My boyfriend had sold his motorcycle. I was afraid I’d disappoint everyone. The next morning they woke me up, gave me an IV to put me out and killed my baby. I went home and became depressed. I didn’t want to go back to school. I finished the last month of 11th grade and never went back.

I finished high school at adult education. I felt my childhood was gone. I have had horrible unexplained depression. I am currently on 2 medications to prevent depression. I have had 3 wonderful children by the father of my aborted baby. But when I look at my family this is what I see . . . There will always be a space between me and [my oldest living child] because that is where my oldest child should be. I can never shake the horror of it all. I now work at a Crisis Pregnancy Center to try and help just one teenager or young woman who needs a hand.

 

 

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First abortion was ten years ago – boyfriend – previous year my kidney had quit (I only have one), and dr. said pregnancy may damage it. Boyfriend was present but didn’t seem emotionally involved. Second abortion was one year ago. I have two children They are very active and I felt I could not mentally handle another child. Finances were also a consideration. Our house is too small for 4 of us now. My husband went with me but really had nothing to say in the decision.

The first was scary and emotional – the boyfriend left me after 3 months.

The second was horrible as I was almost 4 months and didn’t know it. It was a two day procedure with blood being wiped from the walls when everything was done. Baby was successfully gotten rid of. It was a horrible horrible experience and I never should have been allowed to kill my unborn child.

The second has taught me about life and the termination of an unwanted pregnancy is wrong!!!!

I have been in therapy since immediately after the abortion. I am still trying to cope with the awful thing I did. I am involved with a post-abortion support group as well. Christianity helps in dealing with the death and in trying to forgive myself for my actions.

I am always wondering how this child would have been – a girl? a boy? Would he/she have looked like my boys? One year has passed since I did this awful thing and the birth would have been one year summer 1990. I also think about the first abortion and the age of the child now – 9 years old. These dates will be with me forever and neither child can ever be replaced.

I have thought about having a third child, but our family situation, (finances, house, etc.) remain the same. My husband still does not talk about the abortion.

It was the worst experience of my life and I will never forget what I did.

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I was in college when I had my abortion, a Sophomore (1982). I was dating a boy, and we became sexually active. Talk of contraceptives never passed our lips. When I became pregnant I was terrified. I was a Catholic and my parents were very good pro-life Catholics. I was horrified that my fornication would be discovered by my family, but also the boy who “loved” me said he would kill himself if I didn’t have an abortion. I felt as if there were no one to talk with. It was the worst point in my short life (19). The few “friends” I talked to didn’t try to talk me out of the scheduled abortion. I was crazy not to turn to my family because that abortion has changed my life forever. Well anyway, a “friend” drove me to the clinic where I paid my own $250 cash.

The nice nurse (“Christian herself”) led me into the room and I started crying. (I’m crying now as I write this.) I said, “God will never forgive me.” She said, “God will forgive you, this is just what you must do right now.” Or something to the affect that “God would forgive me.” I cried the whole procedure, not from the physical pain (there was little) but from the emotional pain, I was killing my child. I wasn’t dumb, I knew it was a baby, I studied biology, I had done pro-life speeches before. I turned my back on my own morals and beliefs, all because of this boy and my (our) sin (premarital sex). What happened to the boy? Before the abortion I broke up with him. I couldn’t stand being with him as he was the main force in the destruction of our baby.

Emotionally I was a wreck after the abortion. I began binging on food to stop the pain, or punish myself. I would never be able to feel good about myself because of my sin and I didn’t deserve happiness, I told myself. I went to a psychologist over the summer but they don’t help. I went to confession and knew God had forgiven me, but could I? My parents never found out (it is now 8 years later). I think they knew something was wrong that summer, but they never asked, or they did and I kept it in. Slowly I began to heal because I knew I did not want other girls to go through the pain of abortion as I had. I got involved with Birthright in my college town. I was so happy to save a baby’s life one time (thanks God) but I cried because I had destroyed my own baby’s life.

I planned to join my college pro-life group (Jan. 1983). I did and became friends with the leader, a wonderful Christian (Catholic) man who had fought against abortion since high school. I had never wanted to date again and told this boy that when he became interested in me. I shared my life with him (even pre-marital sex) up to the abortion. Finally he wrote me a note asking me if I had ever had an abortion. As I read that letter he could tell by the look on my face that I had. Well, to make a long story short, after a lot of pain we stayed together. We will have our 6th anniversary in June and we have 3 wonderful children (3 1/2, 2 and 6 1/2 months). The abortion has affected our marital life. He has forgiven me and loves me deeply, but he feels a great hurt inside. I think of my child almost daily. There is always a pain inside my heart. It is less pain than 5 years ago, three years ago or even last year, but it won’t go away. I continually say, “What if.” I’m sorry Karen, there are no more “What ifs.”

God helped me get through much of the pain. I know he has forgiven me but can I ever forgive myself knowing what I did was so wrong? Six months after the abortion I got involved with Birthright and since then I have done various pro-life activitiespicketing, counseling, letter writing.

It helps to know that I’ve helped other girls in crisis situations. It helps to know that I’m trying to do something to stop abortion. I’m convicted of helping the unborn and other defenseless humans. With God’s help abortion will stop and we women will continue to mend.

Abortion’s nasty sting will always be in my heart. My friends don’t know. Family doesn’t know and I will never tell my children. In ways, I feel so deceitful. I have to keep this horrible action inside while other people tell me “You have a place in heaven” for some of my other Christian actions. Premarital sex has negatively influenced my sexual life with my husband. Finally, after 6 years I truly enjoy sex. I won’t be content just letting abortion go on, I will fight daily to help stop this murder.

Sorry this is so long. You may use my story, but please don’t use my name. I’m not ready to tell family yet. God be with you as you work for this project. Oh, I also wanted to say that I pray often for the conversion of my old boyfriend that he will seek peace with God. I have no idea what he’s doing, but I pray for him. Men need healing too.

Note: Religious beliefs expressed in testimonies are not necessarily endorsed by site owner.

 

 

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From a collection of first-hand testimonies from women. These were gathered from a survey done by Priests for Life. They can be found on the Priests for Life website.

I was unmarried and living with my boyfriend when I got pregnant. His parents did not know we were living together and I decided against marriage at the time, although my boyfriend said we could get married. Ironically we married 4 months after the abortion and have been married for 10 years. I had the abortion for convenience and to save face for not “having to get married because I was pregnant.”

They mentioned some risks (which I was surprised at). They also tried to counsel but it was very poor counseling. The counselor decided after about a minute that I truly did want an abortion and did not try to convince me of any other options. I had minimal cramps afterward.

It wasn’t until 3 years after the abortion (when I became a Christian and having just experienced a current pregnancy and delivery) that [I realized] what I had done earlier was murder. I cried a lot, thought about my baby a lot, mood swings, typical PAS. It’s been 10 years and only through the forgiveness and grace of God can I talk about it. I will forever be sorry for my decision to abort.

My husband has not been affected as I have, although he, too, now believes abortion is wrong. The only relief from the grief comes from God and over a period of time he has helped me grow to help me forgive myself. I know he already has. I am also involved in Pro-Life organizations and work at CPC to counsel girls who are in the same position I was once in.

I will forever grieve for the child that I killed. I have an ache in my heart for that child and all the others who have been killed. I think God used the horrible reality of abortion to draw me to him and show me faith.

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From a collection of first-hand testimonies from women. These were gathered from a survey done by Priests for Life. They can be found on the Priests for Life website.

I found myself pregnant at the age of 36. I was single and working. The fellow who was the father arranged for an abortion and he paid for it. The doctor was a general practitioner and he performed the abortion “after hours” in an upstairs room. I was about 6-7 weeks pregnant. He gave me general anesthesia. After it was over, he gave me several pills (antibiotics, I assume). I checked with my gynecologist later to make sure everything was O.K.
About five years later, I married my husband. I was 41 1/2 years old. I never conceived. We tried to adopt, but it didn’t work out. I am now 66 years old and childless. I still mourn for my child. You could say I aborted my only child!

My husband and I are active pro-lifers. We picket, write letters, make phone calls, have pro-life stickers on our vehicles, and my husband has “rescued” twice.

I have asked God and my child for forgiveness. So that’s my sad story. If one is a caring person, one never forgets.

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From a collection of first-hand testimonies from women. These were gathered from a survey done by Priests for Life. They can be found on the Priests for Life website.

I was unwed, scared and had no support. My doctor, my boyfriends (I had two abortions and different boyfriends for each one), my friends and Planned Parenthood (were involved).

The first (abortion) was painless because I was “put under,” however I bled for about 3 months afterwards, not heavily but constantly and I never had normal periods after that. The second one was horrible, the pain was like that of giving birth and I had an infection after that one.

It affected my relations with my first husband because he was one of the fathers; we divorced. It affected the marriage to my second husband because he too was a father.

It has even affected my relationship with my Mom. I have a little boy of 5 and it has caused me to treat him differently. I lived in fear when he was first born that he would be taken from me by God. I’m also having trouble bonding with him.

I got right with God first off. Then I started talking about it first to friends. Then to groups, churches on TV and articles. I help fight against abortion by being a member of Right To Life, Open Arms.

I don’t know that I would have near the conviction to fight against (abortion) if I had not experienced it. Also, I believe the abortions have caused me to be infertile and to have problems carrying to term. I also blame my cancer on my abortions. I’ve just had too many problems physically to not question the link between the abortions and my problems

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