I am 44 years old. I have had three abortions. Two at age 16 and one at age 22. I thought I only regretted and grieved the third one. I was so wrong! You never forget and you always regret.
Regret shows itself in many ways.I have recently been through a 10 week long Forgiveness bible study where, for the first time, I told the story of my abortions. It was so healing to be able to talk about it, to grieve these children and to talk with other women who’ve been through it. Society implies that if you made this “choice”, you have no regrets and no right to grieve if you do have regrets. I’ll spare many of the details but at age 16, I became pregnant and my first thought was “abortion!”. I had always mouthed off that it was murder…until an unplanned pregnancy was my situation. My mother fully supported and encouraged and abortion. I was supposed to go back to the clinic for a follow-up appointment and birth control. It was snowing that night and we never made it. (Nobody ever suggested that perhaps I should keep my pants on until I was married). So, new boyfriend, not long after and we began to have sex. I really wanted to keep this baby but he said “No, we’ll get married after we graduate and we’ll have another baby.” I didn’t realize I could have gone against his wishes. I really wanted to keep that baby.
Third time, age 22, old enough to get married, baby’s father didn’t offer. Knee jerk reaction-abortion. Same clinic as before, rude and nasty doctors and nurses. I’m sure they get hard-serial murderers aren’t warm and fuzzy people. An ultrasound most likely would have changed my mind. A loving word from the boyfriend would have helped, too. I grieved this child for a long time. Until I went through the bible study, I used to fantasize about what I would do if I found a baby “thrown away”. I now recognize that as a reaction to my abortions.
I know my Lord forgives me, I will see my children in heaven. I have named them and had a memorial service for them. I am finally at peace but still regret my decisions.
It is a real baby, it is a gift from God, it is painful in many ways, and it is wrong. If you find yourself with an unwanted pregnancy-WAIT. Take time to become informed about your child’s options. You can give birth. You can keep or adopt the child. You can get help caring for your child. YOu can You can You can… do so many things to save your child’s life. God loves you and your child.
Sharon
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