Unfortunately, I chose to have an abortion last November. It was the worst mistake of my life. I knew it was wrong, but I tried to cling to the pro-choice rhetoric and believe it would be all over in an hour. To think I could do something so horrific and believe I could just sweep it under the rug emotionally.
To any other women out there who are facing a crisis pregnancy and are on the fence about what to do, please do not make the horrible mistake I did. The grief and remorse are unbearable. I feel far more sorrow over losing this unborn baby than losing any person who was born, and I have lost a lot of relatives. At least those people got to live their lives, and I got to know them–unlike my unborn baby whom I killed.
You might think abortion is a quick fix, but it’s not at all. Far from it! I felt a whopping 2 hours of relief after the abortion–and several months of ongoing severe depression.
No matter what your reasons for having the abortion, nothing is worth it. Anything you choose over your baby will have blood on it. For instance, one reason I had the abortion was to pursue graduate school. But now, my degree and new career will be tainted by my baby’s blood. I would trade anything to have my baby back now.
A driving factor in making the decision to abort was that I was under extreme anxiety during the pregnancy. Anxiety will cause you to think very pessimistically and irrationally, making you more prone to abort. It is your mind playing tricks on you. After I had the abortion and the anxiety came down, I realized how completely senseless my abortion was, and I could think of a million solutions of how to have the baby and pursue the other things in life I wanted to pursue.
If you are experiencing extreme anxiety, there is an antianxiety drug called buspirone (Buspar) which is safe to take during pregnancy. Ask your doctor about taking it. I had assumed no drug would be safe to take; I only found out I could have taken buspirone after the pregnancy. If I had known that before, I might have been able to bring down my anxiety, and my baby might have been saved. If you do not want to take drugs, other methods to bring down anxiety include hypnosis and acupuncture. Give them a try. You cannot make a sound decision if you are under severe anxiety.
Please don’t put yourself through the hell I’m going through now. If I can save one baby’s life and one woman from going through the emotional agony I am now going through, my precious baby’s death will not have been in vain.
Anne M.
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