I got pregnant every time because I did not use birth control. I was stupid and naive. I had my abortions because I was selfish and did not think about my unborn babies. The thought of giving birth and all also scared me to death.
The sad part is that both my sister and I were adopted by my parents! So if either of our birth mothers would have aborted us, neither she nor I would be here. That fact was hard to deal with in making the decision to terminate my pregnancies. I also came from a well-to-do family that would have been devastated with the pregnancies.
During the procedures, I went in and out of sleep and I heard a vacuum cleaner/suctioning sound. It didn’t last long and then I was free to leave. Afterward, I must admit, I felt enormous relief that I wasn’t pregnant anymore. I basically went about, after that, like nothing had happened. I guess I used abortion as a means of birth control—as absolutely disgusting as it sounds.
I have come to terms with what I have done to the best of my ability. I do not feel the need even now to talk to anyone in depth about my experiences.
About four years ago, I came back to my Catholic faith (not because of the abortions). Through the unbelievable faith and love I had found through the Lord, my husband saw my transformation and felt guided to my faith. He decided to go through the RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation) program to become a Catholic. I had not been to formal confession with a priest in 23 years. I had a lot of sin to confess. My worst sin was my past abortions. But through the grace of God, I was immediately forgiven.
But the harder part was actually forgiving myself. That took awhile. But I knew that if God could forgive me then I could forgive myself. My husband and I are currently trying to have a baby. I must say that after I do conceive, go through the months of pregnancy with my changing body, and then deliver my baby, I don’t know how I’m going to feel about my past abortions. I have a feeling that is when I may need some serious therapy. But right now I’m fine. But for all I know, I’ve probably been in denial for all these years!
I’m very grateful to have this website for information and references. God bless to you all.
From Priests for Life
Note; Religious beliefs expressed in testimonies are not necessarily endorsed by site owner
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