Post-abortion woman: I felt such loneliness

From Alexandra, who had an abortion in her first year of college:

“They told me it wouldn’t be painful and would be over quickly. They lied. It was extremely painful and I lie there [sic] for what seemed like an eternity. I remember the nurse holding my hand as the abortionist sucked my insides out. At least that’s how I remember it. Almost immediately, I felt such a sense of loneliness, even though I was surrounded by several people….

Afterwards, Greg was waiting for me. We left, without ever saying a word. In the car, he still wouldn’t talk or look at me… The rest of the day was somber and when night came, we laid in bed together, staring at the ceiling, still not speaking…

Greg took me back to school the next day and we both knew our relationship was over. We didn’t need to verbalize it….

Within a month of my abortion, I quit college.… Panic attacks, depression, fear and sexual problems became commonplace in my life. Thoughts of suicide plagued my mind constantly. I would envision myself driving off a cliff and ending it all…

Things got so bad that I sought out psychiatric help. The counselor never asked me if I’d had an abortion before. He didn’t feel the need to ask, I suppose… His cure was an antidepressant.”

The antidepressant didn’t help, and Alexandria eventually married but continued to have problems:

“I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. I had this great husband who adored me, two wonderful children. Why wasn’t I happy? Why couldn’t I be intimate with my husband? Am I crazy? No one could seem to help me…. Nothing seemed to help until one day in church, I noticed a “Sanctity of Human Life” brochure in the bulletin.

I went to the pastor’s wife and told her what I’d done. I said, “I had an abortion when I was 18 years old.” I was shocked by the words that were coming from my mouth. I hadn’t told anyone for 15 years! I was even more shocked that I became so emotional about it. I thought I was over it! I wasn’t even close… I went away and began to cry. I couldn’t stand up anymore. I fell to the floor and sobbed like a baby. I was angry that I couldn’t control myself. I thought, “Why is this bothering me?” “I thought I was over it.”

Victoria Koloff They Lied to Us (Worldcomm: 2011) 18, 19-21

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Author: Sarah

Sarah is a member of the board of The Pro-life Alliance of Gays and Lesbians.

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