“Counselors are just to give the appearance of help. . . [They] think of themselves as company for the women.”
–abortion counselor
James Tunstead Burtchaell, editor Rachel Weeping and Other Essays About Abortion (New York: Universal Press 1982) p 41 From The Ambivalence of Abortion Linda Bird Francke
“The fetus actually looks like a baby, only it doesn’t have any fat. We’ve noticed that very young patients are more apt to ask the sex, and be curious about what it looks like. We discourage it. And, we’re supposed to have a policy that we’re not going to tell the sex….”
Clinic worker Dora Greenwald, M.S.W.
Magda Denes, PhD. In Necessity and Sorrow: Life and Death Inside an Abortion Clinic. (New York: Basic Books, Inc., 1976) p 77
My name is Renee, and I am the oldest of 5. Sadly, I’ve never met the youngest, a little boy (brother number 3) named Joseph Michael. He died by abortion when I was only 10, although I didn’t find out ‘til nearly 11 years later. My poor mom had to keep that secret for so long I’ve known for just over 6 years, and am really struggling with it. I’ve come to the point where I realize that a lot of the issues I have, are made much worse by what I went through regarding the abortion. While I have always been more of an internalizer, this is becoming harder, and I am starting to seek out healing. Easier said than done, I am discovering, as most post abortion support groups only have programs for the parents. It is sincerely my prayer that more awareness will be brought to the suffering of the siblings. My siblings and I have had to silently deal with the pain of hearing people speak ill of women choosing an abortion. We know firsthand that sometimes it is done in a desperate time, and to spare the baby from a life of suffering.
My mom was widowed in June of ’94, at the age of 30. I was 10, and the youngest, at the time (baby number 4), was only two. A few months later, she met a man, and became pregnant unexpectedly. I know very little about that time for her, as I was very young, and had no idea that my little brother was growing in her belly. But we were living with my grandparents, and I don’t know how they would’ve handled the news. Also, maybe my mom didn’t feel capable of caring for yet another baby, who the doctor said may have health issues (from what I believe). While she knew it was wrong, she believed that the baby would be better off in heaven, free from suffering. While I hate that my mom (and brother) went through that, I admire her greatly for all the strength she has shown. She now understands what some of these women are going through, when they consider abortion, and has used her experiences to help them choose life. She also has used the pain she feels over my brother, to help those mourning the loss of their own babies, aborted or miscarried. I pray for the strength to one day be able to reach out to other siblings like myself. I have actually tried to avoid the pro life movement, at times, mostly for two reasons: one, it makes me think more of my brother, and the horrible way he died, and two, I am very defensive of my mom, and am afraid that some of these people will judge her harshly. I also don’t want her to have to deal with any extra sadness or regrets. But as I said before, she is a very strong woman.
I have heard it said by quite a few people that my mom should keep the abortion secret. What about her reputation? In their view, it will make others decide to follow her, and do the same. Or turn against her, and stop trusting and/or respecting her. Well, I can speak for myself, my siblings and at least one very dear friend, that the exact opposite is true!! I hate that she had to bear that by herself for so long, and am so grateful that she told us. It has made her a more compassionate, sympathetic, less judgemental person. It made me listen more when she was talking about pro life things, or prayers and sympathy for the abortive ones, knowing that she’s actually been in their position. She has come so far. I am also thankful she told us, because although we ended up going through unexpected mourning, we as siblings are now more aware of the horror of abortion. All these years I never knew we were personally touched by it.
As I said, finding out caused such shock and grief. I remember the night that she told us, we were all talking in the living room, because she said she had something important to discuss. I remember my heart started pounding, more and more. We were shocked to discover that she had been pregnant after the fourth baby. Our dad had died, and there were only four of us children with her, so where was the last one? Did I have a sibling given up for adoption, that I could possibly reconnect with (as went through my head at times while watching or reading about it), or did she miscarry? Abortion never crossed my mind, because we knew she was so against it. But she admitted that that is what happened. I did not give into the tears that threatened, as I have always been very guarded with my emotions. Very quickly the four of us went up to her and hugged her. Comforting her and assuring her that we loved her. We found out a few things, such as the father, and the date. Apparently, the anniversary was only a few weeks away. In just a few weeks, valentine’s day to be exact, it would be 11 years since that horrible event. Apparently she chose that night, because going out, then, would not likely arouse suspicion. Years later it brought me such pain to think that that night before she left, when I gave her a hug, I also hugged my little brother inside, but the next time I hugged her, it was just her alone. How sad she must have been. And how innocent and unaware I was.
That Valentine’s Day was hard, but so refreshing in some ways. Between my dad’s death and then, I noticed that she made an extra effort to make it a pleasant day for us, AND THOUGHT SHE DID IT TO SOFTEN THE BLOW OF NOT HAVING OUR DAD AROUND. WHEN I REALIZED THE PAINFUL SIGNIFICANCE OF THE DAY, I STARTED TRYING TO MAKE IT A SPECIAL, PEACEFUL DAY FOR HER. What stands out the most from that night are two sweet memories. The first is that mom made us a yummy cake for dessert. And on it were 6 hearts. 1 big, and 5 small. A mama surrounded by her babies. For the first time ever, mom was able to admit that she was a mother of 5. She didn’t have to ignore my brother that night! And we were comfortable with it too. The other sweet memory associated with that night is that we decided to play the lottery, and being aware of a new heavenly intercessor, we asked Joey to pray for us, and we won $10!! The most money we’ve ever won in the lottery! Thanks, Joey! Now multiply that by a small million please! 😉
For a while after finding out, I had such a deep sadness that I could not identify at first. I felt like I did when I lost one of my nursing home friends, but nobody had recently died. What was up? Then I realized it was my brother. I was grieving the loss of a little sibling, that up until then had not existed (that I was aware of). How strange.
How could I possibly feel so strongly for someone I never met, or even knew about? As I mentioned before, I am not an emotional person, so these feelings were extra unappreciated. I felt stupid for grieving 11 years later. He was long gone, I shouldn’t feel anything. But, that’s not how it works. Over time, I felt that sadness less frequently, but still, 6 years later I feel twinges at times. I have also, at times, felt completely at peace with our situation, and at other times, have seriously forgotten about him. That, I believe, is often a defense mechanism.
Whether I am thinking about him or not, I noticed that I am more sensitive to some things than I was before. For example, I feel pain/jealousy seeing others becoming big brothers and sisters. I experienced that three times, only, and never will again. I am also very sensitive to my youngest brother being complimented, etc by mom. Feeling like he is getting the bulk of the attention, because he is the last “baby” she’ll have. Deep down, I know it is false, but it is still a frequent struggle. Another struggle is forgiving/moving on. When I first found out about my brother, I can’t remember much about howI felt about his father. As I’ve gotten older, though, I have felt so betrayed by him. We loved him like a stepfather for quite a few years. How dare he try to take care of us, and help raise us, when he didn’t even keep his own flesh and blood alive. This was especially hard for me to come to terms with, because I, too, was conceived out of wedlock. But my dad did the right thing, and married my mom (before I was born). It just feels strange. Why was I okay to keep, but my brother wasn’t? I have made great progress in this area, but still have need of more healing.
This is only a small bit of my experiences as a sibling of an aborted baby, but I am sharing this in the hopes that others can be comforted knowing that they are not alone. Or perhaps a sibling like me will be in denial, and reading my story, they will realize their need for healing, and get it. My prayer is that we can feel at least some of the peace that our siblings do, as they await our arrival in heaven. What a nice meeting that will be, and while we had the misfortune of being separated on earth, we will have all eternity to catch up! To any parents reading this, please give your kids the benefit of the doubt, and tell them about their lost sibling(s). It may strengthen your relationship as it did ours. You shouldn’t have to keep your baby(ies) a secret. For those who are not directly affected, I thought I would give you a small idea what we are going through, in case you happen to connect with us. All who read this will be in my prayers. God bless and peace be with you. Thanks for letting me share my story.
*Since writing this I have joined up with the pro life movement, in an effort to speak up for siblings and others affected by abortion (grandparents, uncles/aunts, etc). It is mostly through the internet. Among others, I have a facebook page called: Abortion Hurts Siblings And Others, as well as a group exclusively for post abortive siblings. For more info, leave a comment here or message me at my facebook group. I am also on: twitter, prolifebook, shoutlife, awestruck and experience project.
This clinic is in Boston on Commonwealth Avenue, it is all abortions all day, every day that’s what we did, Monday through Saturday, all day. I was a medical assistant, again let me remind you that I had no medical training whatsoever. And as a medical assistant you were in the abortion room with the doctor and the nurse, you bring the patient in and get them ready.… You put her on the table, get her ready and that’s the position she’s in when her “healthcare provider” comes into the room. If she’s lucky, he might use her name or make eye contact, but generally speaking, he or she doesn’t…
One of my jobs was to count these baggies, these plastic bags, because the bags had to match the number of abortions we did that day. And what they call the bags, are POCs, products of conception and the clinic workers would joke that they were pieces of children.… I know why people joke, I know why there is this gallows humor you sort of have to do that to survive and when you think about it you’re dealing with death day after day…
We did second trimester abortions there…. I went in and they hadn’t taken the baby out of the room yet and I stood there looking at this jar with these body parts in shock. And I sort of backed out of the room not sure if I had really seen what I had seen.… Because this was a baby – I could see hands, I could see feet. This was a person, this was a human being.… You would think I wouldn’t go back to work the next day but I did because who was I gonna talk to?
unborn baby’s foot at 14 weeks
…. The Iron Curtain there is very strong; you question Planned Parenthood, and boy, people really come down on you.
Before she meets with a counselor, or talk to anybody about the decision, they already have her money. When they call to make an appointment, they don’t ask “why are you thinking about having an abortion?” They ask “when was your last period, and how are you going to pay for this.”…
I think Planned Parenthood, one of its goals is to go younger and younger and younger, its name branding… They want to enter the schools, and that way, when someone is a teenager and pregnant, “oh yeah, Planned Parenthood.” They know that name, it’s the first thing that they think of.… It is a culture and a belief that… children are the enemy of women, and that’s what we’re fighting against.”
Values Voter Summit 10/8/2011,
Also:
Planned Parenthood’s mission is to pressure as many women into having an abortion as it can,” a former abortion facility worker has revealed. From Catherine Anthony Adair’s op-ed piece in The Washington Examiner:
In 1997, I began working at a Boston Planned Parenthood clinic as a young, idealistic college student who strongly believed in what I had been told about the organization, that I would be helping other young women access safe and affordable health care.
My time there was not spent providing prenatal care to pregnant women, providing counseling or basic health care services or educating women about reproductive health.
Instead, I spent my days urging women to terminate their pregnancies. My superiors constantly reminded me of our abortion-centered business model: abortions first, everything else came second.
I began to recognize their emphasis on performing abortions each time a woman would express concern or have second thoughts about having an abortion. When I notified management, though, they told me not to worry and encourage her decision to move ahead with the procedure. …
Planned Parenthood’s mission is to pressure as many women into having an abortion as it can.
The misinformation, lack of counseling and coercion extended to facility workers purposely obscuring information on fetal development, Anthony Adair wrote.
In fact, clinic workers would purposefully avoid providing information on fetal development, what the child looked like, the child’s anatomical development and the pain he or she could feel. I was continuously reminded that when referring to the baby, the appropriate terminology was “clump of cells” or “contents of the uterus.”
Then women would know what was really growing inside them: a little person with a beating heart, functioning nervous system, tiny hands and feet. The child is entirely disregarded. There is no counseling, no care, no waiting and no discussion. Once a pregnancy is confirmed, it is off to termination.
Planned Parenthood takes specific advantage of women who are too young or misinformed to know better than to trust them with their well-being. Those who know the truth have a duty to speak out.
“Planned Parenthood’s bottom line is numbers. And, with abortion as its primary money-maker, that means implementing a quota. I know this is true because I worked at one of their Texas clinics for 8 years, two as the clinic director… As a Planned Parenthood clinic manager, I was directed to double the number of abortions our clinic performed in order to drive up revenue. In keeping, Planned Parenthood headquarters recently issued a directive mandating that all of its affiliates provide abortions by 2013.”
“I’d have a much easier time aborting a single baby or both twins than doing a reduction. When you reduce, the remaining twin will remain a persistent reminder of the unborn child. I think that, more than anything would make killing that fetus feel like killing another human, even though it wasn’t fully developed. It would feel that way because you would have a living copy of the person you killed.”’
Comment from pro-choice reader. She is well aware that abortion is killing an unborn baby. “The Complicated Ethics of Twin Reduction” Jezebel, Aug 12, 2011
Dr. Forrest C Stevenson, certified marriage counselor of Brighton, Michigan:
“As a marriage counselor, I have too often shared with a couple in this sorrow. They love each other, but as they look at each other, I see the hurt in their eyes. I’ve heard a woman say, “Seven years ago my husband said I could not have this baby. “I’m still in school, I’m going to get my education first.” I did what he said and I had an abortion. I wonder what that baby would’ve been like. Would he have had curly hair like his daddy? Would he have been a happy baby? Would it have been a girl? Would it have been a boy? What could’ve happened?”
Too many times I’ve heard a young man say, “I demanded that my wife get an abortion, but I wish that she had not done what I said.” These people may love each other, but the hurt of the guilt that they share together has grown like a wall between them. It is so serious they can hardly build an adequate life. Their marriage is a nightmare because of shared guilt.”
John R Rice The Murder of the Helpless Unborn… Abortion (Murfreesboro, Tennessee: Sword of the Lord Publishers, 1971) page 32
Dr. Roy S Heffernan of Tufts University said to the Congress of the American College of Surgeons:
“Anyone who performs a therapeutic abortion is either ignorant of modern methods of treating the complications of pregnancy or is unwilling to take the time to use them.”
A “therapeutic” abortion is one done due to threat to a mother’s health or life. Keep in mind that this quote is from 1971- medical advances since then make an abortion to save the mother’s life even more unnecessary.
“Recently at our Morristown center, I served a young, strong-willed woman, named Gina. She came with some supportive friends to receive options counseling before getting an abortion. While Gina waited with her friends, another client stopped by our office. The two were family acquaintances and immediately the current client began questioning Gina about why she was at First Choice. As soon as Gina mentioned she was pregnant and that she was terminating, the other client began telling her why she was making such a bad decision. At first, I thought this was great, because the other client was instructing Gina to keep the baby and not abort. However, as soon as I sat down with Gina she clearly stated, “No one can change my mind about getting an abortion! Not my friends in the waiting room and not that girl who just came in, and definitely not you.” I let Gina know that was not my intention to force her not to abort but rather to present her with her options so she could make the best, most well-informed decision.
I began mentally preparing to alleviate myself of this client’s decision to terminate her pregnancy because her decision was not my burden to carry. I knew this was her choice and she was clearly set on it. After all, if she remained steadfast in her decision despite the people in her life encouraging her not to abort, why would she respect the information I had to share with her?
Gina and I met for about an hour and it was such a pleasant time. I got to know her and her family dynamics, life objectives, and relationship with the father of her baby. I reviewed information on abortion with her and invited her to listen as I discussed the options of parenting and adoption so that she could truly make the best decision for herself. She welcomed the opportunity and afterwards thanked me for helping her to think about the pregnancy from other perspectives. But even after our time together, Gina was firm in decision to abort.
Then Gina had an ultrasound, and it was life changing! Immediately after looking at the monitor, Gina looked at our nurse and me and said, “Yo, that’s it! That’s my baby!” (This was the first time she identified “it” as a baby.) “I can do this!” It was such a turn of events…”
After giving a graphic description of how to check body parts to make sure everything is out after an abortion, Dr. Don Sloan, abortionist, says the following:
11 week legs
“Want to do abortions? Pay the price. There is an old saying in medicine: if you want to work in the kitchen, you may have to break an egg. The stove gets hot. Prepare to get burned.”
Don Sloan, M.D. with Paula Hartz, Abortion: a Doctor’s Perspective, a Woman’s Dilemma (New York: Donald I Fine, 1992) 239 – 240
