Are women sometimes ambivalent about getting abortions? One administrator of an abortion clinic in Canada said that 20% of women who make appointments for abortions back out and don’t show up.
Leonard Stern “Abortion Wars” The Ottawa Citizen Sun 28 May 2000
This represents 2 out of 10 babies (like the one below) being allowed to live whose mothers were considering abortions
The pro-choice author of one book described observing an ultrasound training workshop:
“The workshop was for primary care clinicians who were beginning to offer medication abortion in their practices and were planning to use ultrasonography to date their patient’s pregnancies precisely. (Ultrasounds are not required as part of the medication abortion regimen, but are widely used for this purpose, and in abortion care more generally.) As is common in this kind of medical training situation, the host clinic had recruited two pregnant patients to serve as volunteers, so the trainees could practice using an ultrasound machine.…
The group was informed that the first room contained a woman who was planning to continue her pregnancy. In the second, one who was planning to terminate.…
When I entered the first room with a group of about six trainees and two trainers, I sensed the high energy level, and there was a lot of jovial banter between the clinicians and the volunteer, including thanks for her service. When the embryo (about five weeks gestation) was first located on the ultrasound, the trainer enthusiastically pointed this out to her. As different trainees took turns finding the tiny embryonic sac, others kept up a steady stream of small talk, asking how the pregnancy was going, how the patient was feeling, and so on. The group left with wishes for a successful pregnancy and birth.
7 weeks old embryo
The mood changed immediately when we entered the second room. People became far more subdued. The patient was graciously thanked for her volunteer service, but there was none of the buoyancy that I had just witnessed, with the first patient. When the embryo was initially located on the screen, the trainers quietly pointed it out to the trainees and did not call it to the woman’s attention. I noted that she did not look at the screen at all for the 45 minutes the group was in the room.”
Carole Joffe Dispatches from the Abortion Wars: the Costs of Fanaticism to Doctors, Patients, and the Rest of Us (Boston, Massachusetts: Beacon Press, 2009) 123 – 124
This quote shows the strange kind of “schizophrenic” behavior of medical professionals as they switch gears between wanted and unwanted pregnancies.
“No other medical treatments involve so much potential guilt and regret as the decision to have a child/not have a child….It’s more than treatment for yourself for cancer – it’s a lifetime commitment to another human being or the loss of the opportunity for that commitment.”
Carole Joffe Dispatches from the Abortion Wars: the Costs of Fanaticism to Doctors, Patients, and the Rest of Us (Boston, Massachusetts: Beacon Press, 2009) 127
Abortion clinic workers know that abortion is a traumatic choice to have to make. if abortion was simply the removal of a ball of cells, or a blob of tissue, instead of the killing of a baby like the one below, abortionists would not be so upset when women have repeat abortions.
My early 1980’s abortion left me sterile, traumatized and heartbroken. Allow me to elaborate…. WARNING: free of euphemisms and candy-coating. So much flowery rhetoric to describe the most sinister of acts… So I will go there, penetrate the 10 feet thick wall of lies and denial that I lived in, and go to the truth. George Orwell said : “Speaking truth in times of universal deceit is a revolutionary act.”
As a young woman, I got pregnant after sleeping around two times. I came to believe my virginity made me a pollyanna or uncool. Most of my college-aged peers were having sex, including my roommates. You were considered a prude if you weren’t “sexually active.” You were mocked at this school if you weren’t.
I estimated when I would be ovulating… Alcohol was involved. I actually sought out to lose my virginity like it was a bad disease or something to be ashamed of. Turns out you can get pregnant at anytime in your cycle. Public education taught us that abortion was part of the reproductive option package.
In a short time, I discovered I was pregnant. I panicked because I was consumed by fear. I did not want to burden my parents with my problem and wanted to hide the fact that I had had premarital sex. Turned to a family member and a friend and headed to get family planning counseling, like they taught us in sex ed. Everyone told me abortion was the most humane option for someone who was young and unmarried and that it was no big deal. Like getting a tooth pulled. They told me to hurry and decide as I was almost in my second trimester. I was 11 weeks pregnant at the time and had misgivings. I asked if this was a baby, and was told: “No, it’s just a formless blob of tissue.” [note: go here to see what an 11 week old baby looks liken before and after abortion] I did not understand abortion or fetal development–not even close. The only time the word baby was used was when I used it.
The abortion was painful. But the worst was yet to come… My nightmare was just beginning.
The following month was both grisly and horrifying. What in the world was coming out of me? I languished alone in severe pain, for weeks, like labor pains, continually bleeding and passing large and small blood clots and torn pieces of what I now grimly realized (like a hard, cold slap in the face) was once my baby’s body, placenta, umbilical cord and amniotic sac. Skin, muscle, organ, brain matter, flesh… A pink slurry of unidentifiable debris (some looked like cartilage, tiny fish bones and bone fragments) where I could even see where there had been knife cuts made–what the abortion industry calls “retained products of conception”. Over and over, I got to witness more abortion industry euphemisms, such as “pregnancy debris” or “decidua”.
Aghast, these images were and are forever imprinted-seared into my brain and HURT LIKE HELL. This was my precious baby and there are no words to describe the intensity and ferocity of my regret, raw pain and suffocating guilt. I had no one who would help me. No one. The clinic would not help me and I was too ashamed to tell anyone. About 2 weeks after the procedure, my parents were very disturbed to see, as I stood before them in a robe right after a shower, a bright red river of blood streaming down my leg at a fast rate, following a very large piece of “uterine contents” that hit the floor hard.
They looked at each other with this sick panic I’ll never forget and wanted to take me to the ER. I lied to make sure they wouldn’t take me and find out the truth. To this day, I especially think my Mom didn’t believe me.
I believe that my uterine wall was cut. I would later in life be told by doctors, after ultrasound analysis, that I had a tipped uterus-“a severely retroverted uterus”–their words. This means that it was in a folded position. In 1981, ultrasound was not widely used. So a new and inexperienced doctor (I know from my research) went into my uterus, which was soft from pregnancy, essentially blind, with a curette, a razor sharp spoon tipped instrument. (Turns out the pregnant uterus was not designed to be forcibly held open and then entered with a razor sharp instrument, or in my case, a folded pregnant uterus.) I never met the doctor until I was on the table. There was no relationship. What I would later see at home alone made me cry so hard I could barely breathe and made me sick over the choice I had made, with absolutely no way of coping, but to stuff it. For an entire decade, I couldn’t even say the word “abortion” without tears flowing. In fact, that’s how my parents found out a few years later. A news report came on the TV about abortion at their house, and I became so upset, I ran outside, unable to conceal my pain–I confessed what happened. The saddest thing of all is that they would have helped me. I also hurt them deeply by this choice.
Thinking God, the Jesus Christ of my childhood, no longer wanted me, denial became a high art and a way of life. I detested prolife people and without ever talking to one, I considered them all angry and judgmental of the post-abortive (I was wrong). So I built a protective wall around myself, afraid to tell anyone my secret, lest they dissaprove of me as a person. I already hated myself enough. After the “procedure”, my life has never been the same. It ended badly for me and the crying has never stopped. What bothered(s) me most was the idea of my baby’s body all ripped apart and I was and still am, and will always be, this little one’s mom. That I actually paid someone to do this. There was no mention of them having to reassemble the body parts after the “procedure” in the brochure I was handed. On that busy August Saturday morning, with my folded uterus, parts of my eviserated, mutilated and very dead baby still remained in me as I left and reality set in too late. Anyone in favor of abortion needs to watch abortionNo.org and not on a full stomach, to fully understand why euphemistic terms such as “pro-choice”, “reproductive justice”, “abortion care”, “war on women,” and “women’s health” DON’T jive with the insane, sick, evil and brutal reality that is abortion.
In the years after that, I became inconsolable, with severe depression and suicide attempts. I developed adenomyosis, a form of endometriosis. I would mark the many days on my calendar lost to pain.
This is a medical condition where scar tissue forms over wounds in the uterine wall. Starting in my twenties, much of my month was spent in cramping pain, as endometrial tissue was trapped and the uterus continually contracted. I later married and could not have children. By my forties, because of my now advanced form of adenomyosis, 2 surgeons advised the immediate removal of my uterus-a full hysterectomy-forever ending any chances of conceiving another child.
I have been to many counselors over this abortion, and now know exactly what an 11 week baby looks like in the womb, and what an abortion did to my only child. Ultrasound technology shows us today what was previously hidden. I know the truth about abortion and that has been the hardest reality I’ve ever faced. I have been diagnosed with PTSD, complete with nightmares and flashbacks. Like what happens in war, only I paid someone to put my innocent baby’s fragile body on a landmine, and they didn’t collect all his human remains. That was for my eyes only to witness. This little one already had all organs in place, was a tiny human being, MY BABY, who just needed time to grow. Because of my choice, he instead became medical waste. Where the remains ended up is deeply disturbing to me and also, a source of sickening repetitive scenarios that NEVER leave my mind. If I see a Stericycle truck on the road (a bio-hazard collector of aborted baby remains), I want to vomit and scream at the thought of the gruesome cargo inside. I have flashbacks of this baby I love so much struggling against the curette, safe one moment, about to be cut to pieces the next. “Mom help me!” “Mom, make them stop!” And I can’t. I would if I could. I cannot reverse time. My precious one, I would crawl over broken glass to get you back. I would stand in front of a moving train if it would bring you back.
I live in a debilitating straitjacket of guilt, regret and shame, which I can’t seem to overcome and am trying to heal. Some days are better than others. Christmas and Mother’s Day are especially hard. I can only imagine the joy of my beloved child opening his presents or giving me a handmade card that says “I love you, Mommy.” Or knowing the joys of watching my child grow up and become a parent. The sound of a baby cooing is music to my ears. I am writing this to tell you how my choice in 1981 has adversely impacted my life. I love babies, children and my fellow human beings. I wouldn’t wish this kind of pain on anyone. This “simple and common procedure” turned out to be the biggest wound/source of unending hurt of my lifetime, millions and trillions of times wishing I could take back this “choice.” Little one, I would give my life if I could have you back. It stings so much just thinking of you and how much I love you.
This summer, while doing ancestry work on Ancestry.com, I added my little one to my family tree. Not only did abortion kill my baby, but his entire family tree. When I die, his name is going on my grave stone. I LOVE this baby immeasurably, who I can never hold, with all my heart. The loss of this precious child gives me unspeakable sorrow THAT WON’T GO AWAY–will not heal, despite my prayers. His name is at the National Memorial for the Unborn. Abortion is not some wonderful choice, it destroys lives. There is nothing more evil on the face of this earth than abortion.
K’s precious only child: 1981-1981 forever loved in this life and eternally
Testimony from a woman who regretted her abortion (She had an abortion at Bill Baird’s clinic):
“They kept me in the crowded facility for almost 8 hours, although the suction abortion took only about 5 min. It seemed like the only thing to do at the time, but now as I look back, I realize how much Baird’s disinformation system and advertising contributed to my fall down this escape hatch – and how much they exploited me from start to finish… They misled and insulted me when they “counseled” me in individual and group settings.…
One “counselor” told me the abortion was just a matter of “starting my period” for me. How natural that sounded – as if the delay of a mere bodily process were all that were involved, and Baird and Company would get it back on track for me!
They also showed me a uterine model. This didn’t show the inhabitant of the womb, the unseen victim whose agony I’d learn about later through the educational efforts of pro-lifers.
7-8 weeks
Nor did they tell me that the loud and violent suction aspirator is 29 times more powerful than your home vacuum cleaner, or that the death date of my baby would be etched on my mind permanently. April would become, quite literally, the cruelest month for me.…
They kept me confused and distracted during the abortion, presumably to keep me from thinking about what I was taking part in. They had a mobile of silver birds right over me. A “counselor” held my hand and asked endless questions about college. The abortionist spoke in a monotone at the same time, giving a routine sounding distortion of what he was doing. Another woman stood next to him, watching his every move. I remember her peering between my legs with a disgusted look on her face. ”
…
Looking back at the impact of Bill Baird’s abortion profiteering on my life, it’s ironic that this herald of “compassion” and the “right to privacy” for all women should violate mine so grievously after my abortion. Baird threatened to make public my medical charts, called me a “secondary virgin” in a mocking manner, and added that my “problem” is that I “don’t get any sex.” (I later submitted an affidavit describing this incident, signed by myself and witnesses, to the local district attorney.)”
Kathleen Kelly “Victim of an Abortion Profiteer” Human Life International pamphlet (no date)
i was doing math in my head driving home as usual. god, i make awful money for a job that actually sucks once you strip away all the pretentious “oh i HELP people” bullsh*t.”
You can’t access this page anymore, but it is quoted by JivinJeosephat
Perhaps after seeing babies like this daily:
8 weeks
She knows that her job is really killing people, not helping people.
I hope that this person quit and got some emotional healing
In addition, a baby has a heartbeat in the womb at just 21 days. She has brain waves of 40 days, and arms and legs (complete with fingers and toes) at 8 weeks. Here is a picture of an 8 week old unborn baby
“What makes a late abortion disturbing is that the fetus is big now–like a fully formed child. Two of my obstetrician friends, both strongly pro-choice, told me that, even when it is a mother’s life at stake and abortion is absolutely necessary, doing the D and E feels “horrible.” We imagine, as we look in the fetus’s eyes, that there is someone in there.”
A woman who had a baby on welfare describes her social worker’s attitude when she became pregnant a second time:
“After having our baby in May, a caseworker at the Department of Social Services made us feel like we’d been irresponsible for having a second child. She lectured Jim [her husband], telling him, “You can’t keep your wife barefoot and pregnant the rest of your life. You’d better do something about it.”
She wanted to stop us having children and insisted on making an appointment for us to go to Planned Parenthood for counseling and birth-control supplies – conveniently located right next door.
At the clinic, I was examined and told that I had a bacterial infection.… They decided that I couldn’t have any kind of birth control, so my husband became the target. The counselor told us that Jim had to have a vasectomy. They really put the pressure on him, making him feel like he was under an obligation to be sterilized. Of course, Medicaid would pay for it. (They were willing to do anything to keep “welfare folk” from reproducing.) We didn’t want to do it, but they told us there was a 50-50 chance the vasectomy could be reversed later when wanted more kids and had more money. Afraid we would have our finances cut off of we had another child, we went along with it…”
She then found out she was pregnant
“I was happy immediately. “All right!, I just knew it!”… When our caseworker found out that I was pregnant with our third child, she was just disgusted with us. She couldn’t believe that we had been so “irresponsible.” She urged us to have an abortion, saying, “You just can’t go around having babies the rest of your life.” After making us feel like dirt, she reassured us that Medicaid would pay for the abortion, and that we could always have children later.…
Above: 7 weeks, below: 9 weeks
On August 18, 1975 I had an abortion. The doctor told me he would slowly dilate my cervix with a series of metal rods and suction out the “blob of jelly called fetal tissue.”
I wasn’t given anything for pain, the nurse had to hold me down. The nurse kept saying to me “it will be over in a minute, honey… Oh come on now, it doesn’t hurt that bad. Quit being such a baby!”
…
Afterwards, our caseworker didn’t ask about the abortion, or how I felt, she just wanted to know that I had it done.”
The woman had many problems with guilt after her abortion. She turned to drugs, and became abusive towards her other children. She dealt with extreme guilt, and eventually joined an organization dedicated to helping postabortion women.
David C Reardon Aborted Women: Silent No More (Westchester, Illinois: Crossway books, 1987) 273 – 276
Michael Grobsmith, chief of the Illinois Department of Public health division of hospitals and clinics, commented on the death of an abortion patient who bled to death after being sent home from the clinic:
“It’s unfortunate, but it’s happening every day in Chicago, and you’re just not hearing about it.”
Ann Saltenberger Every Woman Has a Right to Know the Dangers of Legal Abortion (Glassboro, New Jersey: Air Plus Enterprises, 1982) 27
Legalizing abortion did not end abortion deaths. Go here to read about a few of the cases of women who died after legal abortion.
