I had an abortion because I had no choice. My parents were not willing to support a pregnant teenager and felt that by having a baby at 16, I was ruining my life. What they did not realize was that abortion was 1000 times more devastating to me than being a teen mom would have been. I was basically being told that abortion was my only option.
I had been put under during the abortion procedure, so I do not remember the procedure itself – for which I am eternally grateful. I have heard too many stories since then from women who were awake during the procedure and my heart hurts so badly for them. I CAN say that I was extremely depressed beforehand because I wanted my baby so badly. At one point right before the procedure, when I was on the table, I asked the nurse to stop and started crying. She just told me that it would all be over soon and I would be fine.
Immediately afterward, as I was waking up from the anesthetic, I was crying hard. The “nurse” came over and patted my arm and told me I was fine and that my crying was from my anesthetic. I know that was not true because I woke up with a very-burdened heart and regret from the split second I opened my eyes.
As the days and weeks went by, I tried acting normal. I was thankful the pressure from my parents was gone, but depression was setting in because of my abortion so that within four months, I was hospitalized with severe depression. At that point I really did not want to go on and contemplated suicide.
As time went on after the abortion and after being hospitalized for three months and put on anti-depressants, I tried living my life as best I could. For 16 years I lived with PAS (Post Abortion Syndrome) completely unaware of what it was. There was not a day that went by that I did not cry about that abortion and my loss.
I found help and forgiveness by becoming aware of what PAS was and seeking healing through the Forgiven and Set Free Bible study that was recommended to me. It was in that study I learned about not only God’s forgiveness through the cross, but I was finally able to forgive myself. This happened in 2000. I am now Post Abortion Director at my local Pregnancy Resource Center and have taught this same study myself for the past four years (facilitated and co-facilitated for six years total). I give my testimony publicly wherever I am asked and feel led to share.
From Priests for Life
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