Category: Women’s Stories

Post-abortive woman: “I bought into the lie”

Debbie tells her story:

“I bought into the lie that abortion would be the best, the easiest, and the quickest way out of a difficult situation. I bought into the lie that my baby was just a blob of cells, a mass of tissue, nothing that even remotely resembles a human being. When I awoke from the abortion procedure in the hospital I began crying. “I want my baby. Where is my baby?” When I was told to shut up because I was upsetting other people in the recovery room, I was so ashamed I remained silent for the next 19 years.”

“Endangered, a World in Peril” Human Life Alliance, 1614 93rd Ln. NE., Minneapolis, MN, 55449, page 3

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Post-Abortive woman: I had a “ruined life”

One post-abortive woman tells her story:

‘Hi, my name is Renae and I had an abortion when I was 14. I was barely an adult and just didn’t comprehend what was happening. I was pushed (by my mother) into making an uninformed decision out of convenience rather than given counselling and support to wrap my head around the situation I was facing. I now find this lack of care and information very disturbing.

I had no knowledge of what to expect or what would happen at the clinic – I was shuffled in without as much as a word. Someone asked me to confirm my name and that was it.

I was given an inadequate amount of drugs by the anesthetist. I woke up in the middle of the surgery and heard a doctor saying ‘There it is – got it!’ I was absolutely traumatized and distraught as I left the clinic that fateful day….

As a result of this experience I have endured depression, drug addiction and a ‘ruined life’. It’s ironic to think that my mum told me I would ruin my life if I had the baby, but no one ever stopped to think that maybe not having the baby and having an abortion instead would do the exact same thing.”

“Women’s Stories” Abortion Rethink

Visited October 3, 2018

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Woman having abortion: “They were killing my baby!”

MICHAELENE JENKINS of SAN DIEGO, CALIFORNIA wrote:

“The suction machine was turned on, causing tremendous pain. I was frightened, it hurt so much. I wanted to scream. I wanted it to stop. I suddenly knew there was a baby inside. They were killing my baby!”

LoveMatters.com Advertising Supplement Vol. 14, 2008 ed.

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Teen “felt like dirt” after her abortion

A teenager identified as Ann describes her abortion:

“It was a whole lot worse than anyone ever told me it would be or I ever thought it would be. They explain the procedure, but they don’t tell you how it will feel. They give you the choice whether to you want to be knocked out or just have the pelvic area numbed by local anesthesia so you can’t feel much. I went with a local, and it felt awful. The actual procedure hurt. It seemed like it took forever, but I guess it was only a three-minute procedure. While I was in there, I heard another girl totally freaking out. It was scary, man!

But I will never, ever forget the feeling I had when it was all over and everybody cleared the room and they told me to get dressed. I felt like dirt. I felt like the lowest thing. I went through the grieving process right then, feeling very alone. I was devastated emotionally… Having the abortion taught me that there are definite consequences for our actions. This was the first time in my life that I had to answer for anything. And you have to make a choice, you know.”

Julia C Loren The Note on the Mirror: Pregnant Teenagers Tell Their Stories (Grand Rapids, Michigan: Zondervan Publishing House, 1990) 70 – 71

Despite her feelings and her bad experience, she says she does not regret her abortion.

 

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Christian woman aborts twins, suffers guilt

One woman, the daughter of a pastor, was pregnant for the second time while unmarried. She was raising her first child, but when she found out her new pregnancy was twins, she panicked and aborted:

“The nurse told me that I was having twins and it scared me to death. How could I raise three when I could barely raise one on my own? I based my decision purely on being able to take care of them financially. I was also ashamed of myself and thought how others would react to see the daughter of a minister pregnant again one year after having her first child [unmarried].…

The church played a huge part in my life. My parents are both ministers, so I was not a stranger to God’s word… Even though I knew God then, I did not have the faith back then that I have now to step out on.…

For years, I suppressed the guilt of turning away from a gift from God. I thought about how old they would’ve been and wondered how they would’ve looked. These thoughts would bring instant shame and guilt upon me. I struggled mostly with my faith in God. How could I speak to others about what God wants if I was unable to do it?”

LaDina Anderson Killing Grace: A Rise To Restoration (2016) Kindle edition

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Christian woman who had abortion: “I can never forgive myself”`

One young woman, who was a devout Christian when she became pregnant outside of marriage, wrote about her abortion:

“I remember beating on my stomach and yelling furiously at God. “Take this baby… There isn’t a baby in me… Lord why would you scorn me by giving me another child… What have I done so wrong to be punished like this?” I hated myself! I believed God hated me too…

I hid from the church. To me, there was not enough room for a sinner like me. I had already brought enough shame on to my family. Why go to the church of saints and have them pray for someone surely going to hell? I believed this was Satan’s way of cursing me and I thought that God had allowed me to fall. The only thing I could think of doing to resolve this problem was to get an abortion…

They laid me on the table to give me an ultrasound… Had I heard a heartbeat I would’ve gotten up and ran out of that building. But the machine did not have sound. I could’ve opted to take this pill to abort at home but I did not. I guess I was already ashamed, why agitate the situation by having to look at the child I killed…

I opted to not get painkillers or any anesthesia. I wanted to feel all the pain my baby was going through. I wanted to remember that moment. To always think about it when I decided to have premarital sex.

I went into another room. The nurse told me to pull my bottoms off and place a paper sheet over me. The doctor came in to talk to me for a short while (another possible escape). They said, “There will be pressure.” The machine came on and instantly I wanted to cry. The nurse held my hand. … I did not feel much pain, that is until I saw the glass jar the doctor tried to hide. It was filled with my baby…

I know God gives us grace for our actions and choices. I however, can never forgive myself!”

LaDina Anderson Killing Grace: A Rise to Restoration (2016) Kindle edition

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Post-Abortive Woman: Abortion is an agonizing, life-altering choice

Victoria Koloff, who had an abortion, wrote:

“Abortion is not the quick, easy solution as some have been made to believe. It is an agonizing, life–altering choice that we, post-abortive women, are forced to live with for the rest of our lives. The cost that I paid and will pay for my decision to abort was a greater price than I would’ve ever paid had I given birth to my child. I don’t argue that it would’ve been extremely difficult to be a single mother of three small children. But, there were other options. Even adoption would’ve been a better choice…

I would give anything to know that I had a child who was alive and that someday would search for me, her biological mother. But that day will never come for me because my child is gone. I never gave my child a chance to search for me. My child will never ring my phone or knock on my door. Abortion was too permanent a solution. You can never take it back. If I knew then what I know now, abortion would have never been a part of my life.”

Victoria Koloff They Lied to Us (Worldcomm: 2011) 15

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Post-Abortion woman: I wanted my son or daughter back

One post-abortive woman says:

“I was very, very confused. My feelings were so mixed. All along I was told it was the right thing to do, but then why was I feeling like it was so wrong and terrible? I hated myself so much. I wanted to scream. I wanted my son or daughter back but it was too late. The nurses wouldn’t talk to me. All they would say is “relax,” or “it’s okay, it’s all over now.”

Quoted in Pam Koerbel Does Anyone Feel Like I Do? And Other Questions Women Ask Following an Abortion (New York: Doubleday, 1990)

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Young woman pressured into abortion, Planned Parenthood didn’t help her

A post-abortive woman was pressured by her boyfriend, and Planned Parenthood did not help her:

“When I began to realize I was pregnant, [her boyfriend] told me that if I were, I was going to get an abortion… I finally went to CVS to buy a pregnancy test. I took the test as soon as we got home, and it was positive. The first thing my boyfriend said was, “Call Planned Parenthood.”

I started to cry, and he began to yell. …I always get very afraid when he begins to yell, and when I tried to offer up an alternative, he said no.

“It should be your choice, but -” He said that he was not “ready to be a father.” …

He made me call Planned Parenthood less than five minutes after finding out I was pregnant; I scheduled an appointment for one week later. This whole time, I felt more and more connected with my baby girl. My boyfriend told me that he would kick me out if I kept our baby, and I would have no place to live.
I called Planned Parenthood when I was able to get alone (to tell them the situation), and they told me that I would just have to tell him I didn’t want to do it. They did not care what would happen to me. I pleaded with them to work with me, just until I could find something to help me.

I asked them if they could do an ultrasound for me. I told them that if I could get an ultrasound and show it to my boyfriend – who is much older than me – he would not make me abort my baby. However, Planned Parenthood told me that they would do a free ultrasound before the abortion to confirm the age of the baby, but if I did not get the abortion, I would have to pay over $100. I did not have the money, and did not know anywhere to turn. However, I did want to keep my baby. …

On the day of the abortion, the nurse knew my situation, but offered no help except for abortion. I cried, so helpless and alone, knowing my poor baby girl was about to be killed. The nurse just told me that they would give me a sedative before the abortion began. Still, I cried through the abortion….
I have had depression and dreams of my little girl ever since….Now, I have to live with this guilt for the rest of my life. I blame myself for the whole thing, and contemplated suicide for months after the abortion….

My boyfriend is happily going on with his usual routine. However, I’m sitting here a few days after my due date – which was Mother’s Day – and I think about how I was forced to give up on my own daughter. By the time my daughter would have been born, I had made enough money to be able to rent an apartment with a roommate and support Xianna – but I don’t have her.
Eleven of my friends just had their babies within the last three months, and a few more will have theirs very soon. I envy pregnant women, and have withdrawn myself from them all. I cannot be around pregnant women or children.”

Guest Contributor “LETTER I was forced to abort my baby – and I’m not alone” Live Action News May 20, 2016

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Woman describes extremely painful abortion

This woman seems to have gone through a second trimester abortion, which takes two visits to commit. At the first visit, laminaria are inserted to dilate the cervix, at the second, the baby is dismembered with forceps and removed piece by piece.

“I didn’t expect the dialation to hurt much. As soon as I got into the operating room I started crying. My nurse was pretty cold and she told me to stop crying and that it would only make things worse. I pleaded for them to stop and told them I didn’t want to do it anymore but since I had signed the consent form they proceeded. I started freaking out when they told me they would put a needle into my cervix but I wasn’t looking and when they did it I just felt a little pain. I must have sworn because the nurse got a little miffed. What hurt the most was being open by some metal thing. I was hyper ventilating and all the nurse said was, “You got yourself into this” and “stop making this harder for yourself”.

As soon as they let me leave I hugged my boyfriend and cried. I cried on the way home because of the pain I just felt. I was angry at the nurse and dreaded the next day when the actualy surgery would begin. In a few minutes I cramped up terrible and took my tylenol 3. The medication did not make me feel much better and I cried and cried at the motel until I fell asleep.

Those cramps were nothing compared to the ones I had the next morning when I took the cyotec medicine at 6:30 a.m. I cried and rolled around. I was screaming and moaning for nearly an hour. Finaly, I called 911 and had the paramedics come. A woman explained to me I was in premature labour. All I could do was cry and moan, “It’s hurting me, It hurts”. It was definately the worst pain I have EVER felt in my life. The paramedics called a taxi and he drove my boyfriend and I to the clinic.

I got to the clinic and waited in that damn room for nearly twenty minutes. I was moaning, clutching onto the chair with my head tilted back and breathing heavily. The other girls who were probably no more than a month pregnant pretended not to notice. They called me in and gave me some ativan. In no time I was relaxed and when they inserted the IV in I didn’t have a care in the world. The nurse who I had been so angry at the day before now seemed nicer than ever. I didn’t feel much pain. it felt like they were reaching all the way inside me to my neck and I just said something along the lines of, “Oh my gosh” a few times. Even though I felt pain I was so relaxed it didn’t both me.

I felt a wet thing down my leg and we were finished. I went to recovery and tripped out. It felt like 10 minutes but it must have been two hours. i felt fine the rest of the day and still do. Happy I did this. No regrets. Pain was nearly unbearable but worth it.”

LiveJournal 

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