Category: Women’s Stories

Tameka S Bright got pregnant and had an abortion in college. She had recently lost both her parents. She says:

“I didn’t want to disappoint my family, mainly my brothers. Therefore I went through with this plan and endured the most painful experience of my life – next to losing my parents. I knew that what I was doing was wrong. I had that one friend on campus trying to talk me out of it, but I was too embarrassed. It was done. I did it… And I carried the guilt of it for many, many years.”

When she got pregnant, years later:

“With my pregnancy, I was so scared that something would be wrong with my child. The guilt of the abortion came back to me and I thought I would be punished and possibly lose the baby.”

Tameka S Bright Broken for the Purpose (2020) 43, 66

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Emily Turner, who wrote a book about her abortion, which she regretted, wrote about how she felt when she became pregnant after her abortion and then miscarried:

“… I battled hard against the pretense that I didn’t deserve this baby. I had told myself that because I forfeited my chance at motherhood on that day in June, I didn’t deserve another. Within the week I started bleeding and at our doctor’s appointment a few days later, it was made clear that I was no longer pregnant.

See this, this is what I deserve. I wanted to be sad and I was sad, but expressing my sorrow felt shameful. After all, I didn’t deserve this baby anyway, right? I didn’t deserve the gift of motherhood or a chance for redemption.”

Emily Turner The “A” Words: My Gut Wrenching and Mildly Hilarious Story from Abuse and Abortion Into Understanding Freedom (undated)

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One woman wrote:

“I had my abortion 35 years ago, and I have regretted it every day of my life since then. He or she would have been born in July, and every year when July comes around, I think about how old my child would have been, and I cry and cry.

This is the biggest regret of my entire life, and I know there’s no chance that I will ever “get over it.” I murdered my own child, that’s the truth of the matter.

One of the clearest and saddest moments of my life is my memory of lying on the bed (or gurney, or whatever it was). The doctor came in, and for a split second I thought, “I don’t want to do this! I can change my mind!” But I steeled myself and had it done. And then it was done, and my precious child was dead. I threw away my own precious child like garbage!

I’m 71 years old, and I know that I will never, ever recover from this. I often think about what my child might be doing right now. Perhaps he or she would be a teacher, or a doctor or nurse. Perhaps he or she would love me like I loved my own dear mother, and would be calling me every day to see how I’m doing, like I called my own mother …

If I could only go back to that instant lying there on the gurney, when I thought, “I could change my mind!” It was all possible at that moment, a future with a child to love, a child who would love me…..but instead, my own precious baby was thrown away like garbage. And I will never, ever recover from what I’ve done.”

From AbortionChangesYou.

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Pro-life speaker and author Karen B Stevenson, MD, M.Div. speaks in churches about postabortion trauma. She describes one woman who came up to her after a talk:

“Nona cornered me in a quiet hallway after a particularly powerful church service. The pastor had finally consented to allow me to speak about the issues that impact women, and abortion was one of those pivotal issues.

She whispered to me, “It happened to me.” Pause. “I had an abortion” – another, more lengthy pause – “years ago. I’ve never told anyone about it. I thought it would just go away.” Nona went on, “I’m so glad that you talked about it. Can we get together to talk about this? These feelings keep creeping back into my mind, and I just don’t know what to do about it.”

Nona and I did meet and talk about her abortion. She shared her story with me. Nona was 65 years old when I met her. She had her abortion at the age of 20. She was the first person in her family to attend college, and her parents sacrificed their lives to educate her.

When she found out that she was pregnant, she was filled with shame and guilt. Her parents had chosen to send her to school over her brother; they could not afford to send both of them to college.

“I had to do it – the abortion. I had to make my parents proud of me.” Nona completed college and went on to law school. She became a successful attorney, yet she says that the abortion would never quite go away.

She went from relationship to relationship, never allowing men to get close enough “to hurt me again.” Nona confided with me that she refused to let people get close to her, even in church. She attends church to “serve others, but I don’t think that God has really forgiven me. Maybe He will, if I just do enough for other people.”…

Nona is a woman who has been burdened by her secret for over 40 years.”

Karen B Stevenson, MD, M.Div. Heart Cries & Healing: The Black Church, the Black Woman, and Healing the Hidden Pain of Abortion (Meadville, Pennsylvania: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc., 2017) 43, 44

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Ashley Danielle had an abortion. There were pro-lifers outside the abortion facility, but they called her a murderer.

In a book about her post-abortion pain and loss, and her recovery from post-abortion trauma, she described the experience and her reasoning:

“… I wasn’t ready for what we encountered as we approach the clinic.

The entrance to the driveway was lined with antiabortion protesters with signs calling us “murderers”. I remember letting out an intense moan and sinking even deeper into my seat…

Men, women, and children were lining the entrance with signs that called me a murderer. Signs that reminded me that I was a sinner and that hell was a real place. Signs held by adolescents asking us not to kill their future playmates.

Did they really feel this was appropriate or effective? I guess so. But all it did was fuel the shame I was already feeling. I remember sinking down a little deeper into my seat, turning towards the window again, and letting out a gentle groan. I wished it would all just be over already.
Was I really a murderer?

For them to even begin to think that way didn’t make any sense to me. I wasn’t killing anyone; it was a fetus. A fetus wasn’t a real baby. Seriously, if it’d been born that very day there was no way it would’ve been able to survive on its own. I’d seen articles about the evil people who performed late-term abortions on women who were in their third trimester. Now that was murder. Those were sweet, precious babies. Babies who could’ve felt pain, and breathe and smile. What had invaded my body couldn’t do all of that yet so it wasn’t the same. Right?”

Ashley Danielle Swimming in Grace: Healing My Heart after an Abortion (2017) 12, 13 – 15

She would eventually come to deeply regret her abortion.

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On the website AbortionChangesYou, one woman describes the aftermath of her abortion:

“At the end of 2019 I was just a regular 20 year old girl, having fun and making memories. One night I had sex with my ex and it ended up being the start of an anxiety driven nightmare. I initially thought that after having an abortion ill go back to my same happy self. no anxiety or anxiousness. I was completely wrong. …

Months later I still feel the physical pain I endured when I had the abortion but the worst part is that I constantly no matter if I had sex or not feel like I will not get my period and become pregnant. From 8 months ago till now ive had sex with 2 people.

One being the ex I got pregnant with. ive noticed that when I had sex with him, all the anxiety completely took over my body and I have a fear it will happen again. I make myself pretty much sick with the thought of it that I have huge anxiety attacks that make me believe something is wrong with me and I can’t seem to calm down.

I start getting insane waves of nauseousness and the feeling like I will throw up which is the beginning signs of my last pregnancy. I obviously know that the chances are low because I took extra precaution but the thought of it happening again is always stuck in my brain.

Ive noticed every month even when I DONT have sex, I have to buy pregnancy tests and get scared that somehow I am all because I feel sick or my period app says im late (which till this very day my period has been so irregular since my abortion which just adds to my stress). but now that I had sex with my ex this month I have the most sick, anxiety filled feeling ever and it completely destroys me. …I knew it was the best choice for me and my life but the aftermath of emotions, trauma and stress that it has given me if too much sometimes for me to go about my day as if its completely normal.”

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One post-abortive woman said:

“I’m a 63 yr old woman who had an abortion when i was 16. I became sterile due to an infection and was never able to have children. Still barely a day goes by that i don’t regret having it and not standing up to my family who pushed me into it. Still, it is my fault for allowing it. I’ll never get over my regret, sadness, anger and a dozen other emotions. Think long and hard how it will affect your life. See if there’s not another option like adoption. Anything else. I’ve lived with this 47 yrs and it has never gotten easier. Just be sure you can live with your choice.”

From AbortionChangesYou

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An anonymous post-abortive woman writes:

“I was very, very confused. My feelings were so mixed. All along I was told it was the right thing to do, but then why was I feeling like it was so wrong and terrible? I hated myself so much. I wanted to scream. I wanted my son or daughter back but it was too late. The nurses wouldn’t talk to me. All they would say is “relax,” or “it’s okay, it’s all over now.”

Pam Koerbel Does Anyone Feel Like I Do? And Other Questions Women Ask Following an Abortion (New York: Doubleday, 1990) 3

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Karen B Stevenson is a therapist who speaks in churches about the aftereffects of abortion. She describes one woman who came up to her after her talk:

“Shay cornered me in the vestibule of her church after I spoke during the service about the impact of abortion on women. She whispered to me, stating that she had had an abortion 10 years before. She complained of having nightmares about her abortion experience, especially around the anniversary date of her abortion. She told me that no matter how hard she tried, she still felt a heaviness in her spirit and a lack of desire to move forward in her life. Shay asked me for my card, and she called me soon after to set up an appointment with me. Like the many women who have shared their stories with me, she carried the pain of her abortion, silently and alone for years. In addition to her chronic depression, she stated that she also developed panic attacks after her abortion, which were triggered by gynecologic exams and hearing the sound of vacuum cleaners.”

Karen B Stevenson, MD, M.Div. Heart Cries & Healing: The Black Church, the Black Woman, and Healing the Hidden Pain of Abortion (Meadville, Pennsylvania: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc., 2017) 31

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Elizabeth Zimmer, had an illegal abortion in 1966:

“After you have an abortion, you have a certain amount of post-natal depression – hormonal changes that trigger psychological changes. A combination of those changes and too many marijuana brownies at a party [a few weeks later] sent me over the edge. I went nuts. I was hideously depressed. The whole enterprise wound up eating a year of my life until I was back to a functional self again, back to work and back to school.”

Jennifer Gonnerman “Women Speak Out: Ten New Yorkers Tell of Abortions Before and After Roe” The Village Voice January 27, 1998; 43

This woman blames hormonal changes and a single instance of ingesting marijuana for a year-long depression after her abortion. It’s unlikely that minor hormonal changes and a reaction to marijuana would cause someone to be so depressed that they’d lose a whole year.

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