Category: Women’s Stories

Carol Jackson wrote a book about her postabortion trauma. She says:

“So, if I knew from the experience of having my first child that life began at conception, how did I later deceive myself into thinking that an abortion was an acceptable form of birth control? I knew better. And therein lies the betrayal.

A woman so betrays her own self when she kills her unborn child that she is never the same again. I know I never was.”

Carol Jackson I’m Sorry: Recovering from the Right to Choose (2020) 7 – 8

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Sharon McFee had an abortion at a young age. 25 years later, she thought about her abortion while at church and suffered an outpouring of grief and regret:

“I could no longer constrain myself and out flooded a torrent of pent-up grief that had been buried for 25 years. I fell apart at the thought of the ugly sin which I had done.

“I had an abortion when I was younger, and I know God has forgiven me, but I haven’t forgiven myself.” I cried in agony at the thought of what I had done to my unborn child remembering my sister’s words “that I would regret it one day.”…

I actually hadn’t forgiven myself. All the guilt and pain and denial came pouring out like pus bursting out of an infected wound. It felt like it had been buried in the pit of my stomach all this time. I cried and cried and cried…

If only I could go back in time and undo the greatest mistake I had ever made, but alas, I could not.”

Sharon McFee Reconciled from Abortion’s Chains (Port Orchard, Washington: Ark House Press, 2020) 141

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A woman named Delinda wrote about having an abortion:

“I found myself pregnant in a very unstable situation and at the time thought it was the best option for me and the baby.

I went to a rundown clinic in Nashville. I was disturbed about the things that went on inside this clinic. The environment was relaxed and almost comical.

Loud music blaring, and no remorse or compassion for the girls who were waiting to make this life-altering decision…

It was quick and a little painful, but mostly a fog in my memory. I remember letting out one crying gasp afterwards and that was it…

I chose to pretend it didn’t happen because if it didn’t happen, I could live with myself. Because of this, I went further in my addiction and became more detached from life and who I was.

My ability to love had also dissipated, and honestly, I didn’t think I would ever know how to love again.”

Michelle Bollom The Forgivable Sin: Shattering the Silence and Shame of Abortion (undated) 64, 65

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Machelle Montgomery had an abortion at age 15. She writes:

“I dealt with my abortion in very negative ways: more relationships, more drugs and alcohol. I was just trying to numb myself because every time I would allow myself to think about what I did I would become overwhelmed. I struggled with wanting to take my life. Depression set in and my world began to close in on me.”

Sally Thompson and LaQuita Maxey The Aftermath: Stories of God’s Grace and Freedom after Abortion (Storytellers, LLC, 2021) 85

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In an amicus brief before the Supreme Court, a woman from Tennessee was asked, “How has abortion affected you?”

She said:

“It has completely messed up my life. It was not the best way to start out in marriage. I was depressed, didn’t want my husband to touch me, felt guilty, had suicidal thoughts, cried a lot, terribly depressed!”

“Brief of Sandra Cano, the Former “Mary Doe” of Doe vs. Bolton, and 180 Women Injured by Abortion As Amici Curiae in Support of Petitioner” Supreme Court of the United States, Gonzalez vs. Carhart, No. 05 – 380, Filed May 22, 2006

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A post-abortive woman named Bell told her story:

“I had been raised in church. I was trying to live a Christian life… What made it worse was my boyfriend, who grew up his whole life in the church…

My best friend, who was also a Christian, tried to talk me out of it. But I didn’t listen, I remember going to the clinic in a daze. They put me under, so I don’t have any recollection. I just remember waking up in a panic. The realization of what I had done was overwhelming.

Before the procedure was done, I had an ultrasound and I saw my unborn child. When I woke up that was the first thing I saw before my eyes closed. A few weeks later, I had to go back to the clinic for a checkup.

I just remember sitting there in the waiting room, wanting to tell the girls there not to do it. I wanted to say something to make them turn back from what would probably be one of the biggest mistakes of their lives. But I didn’t know what to say…

My boyfriend and I stayed together, it made us stronger, but sometimes I threw it in his face. If only he had been more supportive. If only, I had to realize that it hurt him just as much as it hurt me.

I was really hurt when his little sister became pregnant. His family was so happy, and I felt so guilty that I had denied them a chance to get to know their grandchild and nephew, for, in my heart, I know it was a boy. I still struggle with it.”

Martha Jensen Abortion: Information and One’s Own Journey (2020)

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Lurlene McDaniel recalled the following story, told to her by a post-abortive woman:

“My son’s kitten died and we had a funeral for it in the backyard. I watched his tear-stained face as he lowered the box that held his pet into the ground and felt a huge lump inside my throat. And then it occurred to me that I was shedding tears over a dead animal…a creature without a soul.

Years before, I had an abortion and never in all this time had I consciously thought about that unborn baby. I never cried for it, or about it. The revelation shook me so profoundly that I started to cry and I couldn’t stop. My son kept asking, “What’s wrong, Mommy?” And I couldn’t tell him.”

Lurlene McDaniel “And Rachel Wept” in Phyllis Tickle, ed. Confessing Conscience: Churched Women on Abortion (Nashville, Tennessee: Abingdon Press, 1990) 66 – 67

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Renée Smith had an abortion when she was 18. She writes:

“While I soon healed physically from the procedure itself, it has taken many years for me to heal emotionally and spiritually. Not long after having the abortion I became depressed and withdrawn. It became difficult to engage with my daughter or find joy or fun in anything. I also quickly jumped into another relationship within a few months with a man old enough to be my father…

I was looking for a way to drown out the memory of the abortion. Life had little meaning for me; I was trying to dull the pain of what I had done…

Two years later I got pregnant again. This time I gave birth to a baby boy. Financially, I was in no better place than when I became pregnant the prior time. But, having had an abortion before and still dealing with the emotional turmoil that the abortion brought about, I was determined not to abort my baby this time.

I never spoke about the abortion to anyone, not even my two children. Now, over 20 years later, when I hear certain sounds, like that of a vacuum sealer for food, I am immediately transported back to that moment when I ended my baby’s life. Some things don’t ever go away. Sometimes, I’ll think about him/her and what age they’d be, what type of child or young adult they would have been. Whenever I see another child who is the same age as my unborn baby, I think that could be my child. Every year around the time of the abortion, I could feel a sense of sadness overtake me.”

Renée Smith Hope beyond Abortion: A Story of God’s Redeeming Grace (undated)

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A woman named Bella writes:

“My boyfriend married me. We are still together. Now he regrets our decision then. I still feel the pain. I suffer every time I see a baby, a pregnant woman. I wonder if it was a she or he. What the baby would look like. And sometimes when we fight, I tell him how much I still hurt and how much of a coward he was. I don’t advise abortion to anybody.”

Martha Jensen Abortion: Information and One’s Own Journey (2020)

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