Category: Women’s Stories

A woman named Liz told her story:

“I had been married to my ex-husband for only a few months when I discovered I was pregnant, even though I was on the pill. We hadn’t planned on having any children so soon, if at all… We weren’t well-off financially, and my income was our primary income.

My ex was against me having the baby, so, much so that he enlisted his mother’s “help” to convince me to get an abortion. At one point his mother offered me $1000 to do it, but I couldn’t entertain the idea. Fortunately, my parents backed me up, my mother especially. I knew it would be wrong in God’s eyes and in my own heart to destroy my own child. My pregnancy went well despite my ex-husband’s whining about it until the last eight weeks.

I got extremely ill (preeclampsia) and had to be on bed rest. My son was born 11 days early, healthy and perfect even though I had almost died while in labor, and he had to be delivered through an emergency C-section. I went into seizures later that evening after the birth, and had to be resuscitated three times that night… As my ex was nowhere to be found, my dad had to sign papers claiming responsibility for me. Granting temporary custody of my son if I did not live through the night…

Sometimes the decision for life is a hard one. Even though my ex made life difficult throughout my pregnancy, and he was even worse once my son was born. This is the reason why divorced him. I wouldn’t have traded my son’s life for “pleasing” my ex and his mother. I’m especially grateful to God for the gift of my son and his timing because I have medical problems, due to high blood pressure, arthritis and a known tendency for preeclampsia that make pregnancy difficult or impossible, and the risks increase with age. On medical advice, I chose permanent sterilization and cannot have any more children.

If I hadn’t had my son when I did, I doubt if I would have been able to have any children at all…

A man who despises and would willingly kill his own child is not worthy to be your husband!…

My son is 11 now… Don’t let “well-meaning” so-called friends or relatives try to make you do something you know is wrong.”

Martha Jensen Abortion: Information and One’s Own Journey (2020)

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A woman wrote the following letter to her aborted baby:

“I was supposed to keep you safe and protect you from harm and getting hurt. I took you from the safest place you could ever be. I took your life… You were torn apart inside me and flushed down the drain. Your arms and legs were torn and mangled. Your little arms and legs. That mommy should have kissed and put lotion on. Your feet that mommy should have put a little sock on. Your small hands that mommy would wipe off after lunch, and would pull my hair. Your little heart that should beat strong, day and night while you explored your new world, until you would grow old and God would take you up to his house…

I love you right now, I miss you right now, I want to hold you right now, I’m empty right now, I’m sad and I’m crying right now. Please forgive me… I’m sorry, I didn’t realize how much I loved you until it was too late.”

Martha Jensen Abortion: Information and One’s Own Journey (2020)

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Michelle Bollom is a post-abortive woman who wrote a book about post-abortion trauma. She gives the following heartbreaking testimony in her book:

“I justified my actions for years: I wouldn’t have the life I have now if I wouldn’t have made the decision to have an abortion… I am not one to sugarcoat, so please don’t be offended. I had committed murder and here I was just defending and justifying why I did it. I never peeled it back really far enough to say I am truly sorry for participating in the decision of murdering my unborn child…

I remember sobbing so uncontrollably. I actually had gotten face down on my knees on the ground. I simply cried over and over [to God] – saying “how can you forgive me when I can’t even forgive myself?”

Michelle Bollom The Forgivable Sin: Shattering the Silence and Shame of Abortion (undated) 15, 16, 17

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A British woman who had a late-term abortion describes what happened:

“15 years ago, when I was 17, I had to have a late-term abortion at 21 weeks… I had been taking the pill throughout my relationship with my boyfriend, and when I missed a period, I went straight to my doctor to have a pregnancy test. It came back negative…

Weirdly, I was still missing periods. I returned to my doctor, who said that I had nothing to worry about – it was probably due to the hormonal changes of stopping my oral contraception… [Her boyfriend had gone away to school so she stopped using the pill]

I did another pregnancy test, which came back positive. I was 18 weeks along…

[I]t just seemed impossible for me to have a child… the decision was made as soon as I heard that I was pregnant.

I arranged the abortion myself, and my GP was very helpful. I think she felt quite guilty. It took about two weeks to set up the appointment, and I told my parents the night before I went into the hospital. They were shocked, but supportive too.

I went in on a Tuesday and the doctors administered a pessary to induce dilation and labor. But nothing happened. They waited and tried again, but still nothing… They administered three pessaries and none worked.

It was Thursday by this point and they decided to send some sort of psychologist in to see me. “Couldn’t you just go through with the pregnancy?” She asked. “I mean, you’re already halfway through.”

The doctors and nurses were all pretty unpleasant to me… I was stuck in a room just off the maternity ward, too, so all I could hear was families with their new babies.

After three days, they told me that they could only try the chemicals once more, and if that didn’t work, I would have to have a cesarean. I was horrified.

Eventually though, on Saturday, it worked. I still hadn’t been told though, that essentially, I would have to give birth. My breasts swelled up, I started producing milk, my water broke, and I had contractions. It was terrifying.

Eventually, the fetus came out and I just started screaming and couldn’t stop. It was visiting time in the maternity ward and so the doctor told me to shut up. They had me fall asleep and then took me away to remove the placenta. When I woke up, I was on my own in a bed full of blood…

I felt physically empty in a way that I have never felt since. Despite the trauma of the experience, I have still always known it was the right thing for me to have done, and I have never regretted it.”

Martha Jensen Abortion: Information and One’s Own Journey (2020)

This woman may be unable to cope with her abortion unless she convinces herself it was the right thing to do. Nevertheless, her experience was traumatic, and she was not informed about what would happen to her and her baby.

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In an email sent out by Live Action, a woman called “Maria” told her story:

“I was 16 when I got pregnant the first time. I was on the pill—actually, I was on the pill both times I got pregnant. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you can’t get pregnant if you’re on the pill, because it’s a lie.

I knew I was pregnant at the moment of conception. I know it sounds crazy, but I felt the presence of another life like an epiphany. I know she was a girl the same way I knew I was pregnant. I can’t explain it. I just know.

It seemed to be a foregone conclusion that I would have an abortion. Everyone in whom I confided my situation presumed that’s what I would do. Not a single person asked me if I wanted my baby, or suggested adoption as an alternative.

In that echo chamber of voices telling me to kill my baby, my own voice was drowned out.

And so, my way of “not hurting” my daughter was to sentence her to death. A culture that had been obsessed with sexual pleasure longer than I’d been alive had brought me up to believe this was the lesser evil.

It bombarded me with stories of women going on to great successes after their abortions, without ever shedding a tear over the dead babies they left in their wakes. It whispered to me that nobody else regretted their abortions, so there must be something wrong with me for regretting mine.

And I believed it. I believed it so sincerely that I did the whole thing over again three years later. I felt the same heartbreak, shame, guilt, and lamenting regret afterward; yet if you’d asked me about it any time over the following 13 years, I would’ve given you 1,001 reasons why what I’d done had been the “right thing.”

I would never have admitted my secret sorrow, because I believed to do so would be to admit my defectiveness. And yet, I had a nagging feeling of empty despair, which ultimately led to an (failed) attempt to take my own life.

Every day since the deaths of my children, I have felt the two holes in my life where my son and daughter should be. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that your life will be more complete after an abortion, because it’s a lie. It will feel like something is missing for the rest of your life.

I’m telling my story with the hope that I might save even just one woman or girl from the suffocating sorrow I have felt all these years—and that I will continue to feel until the day I die.”

Jun 22, 2021 email from Live Action

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Pro-life author and post-abortive woman Renée Smith wrote:

“While I soon healed physically from the procedure itself, it has taken many years for me to heal emotionally and spiritually. Not long after having the abortion I became depressed and withdrawn. It became difficult to engage with my  [living] daughter or find joy or fun in anything. I also quickly jumped into another relationship within a few months with a man old enough to be my father…

I was looking for a way to drown out the memory of the abortion. Life had little meaning for me; I was trying to dull the pain of what I had done…

Two years later I got pregnant again. This time I gave birth to a baby boy.

Financially, I was in no better place than when I became pregnant the prior time. But, having had an abortion before and still dealing with the emotional turmoil that the abortion brought about, I was determined not to abort my baby this time.

I never spoke about the abortion to anyone, not even my two children. Now, over 20 years later, when I hear certain sounds, like that of a vacuum sealer for food, I am immediately transported back to that moment when I ended my baby’s life. Some things don’t ever go away. Sometimes, I’ll think about him/her and what age they’d be, what type of child or young adult they would have been. Whenever I see another child who is the same age as my unborn baby, I think that could be my child. Every year around the time of the abortion, I could feel a sense of sadness overtake me.”

Renée Smith Hope beyond Abortion: A Story of God’s Redeeming Grace (undated)

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One woman had an abortion at 19. Her boyfriend, who she had been dating for only three months, wanted the abortion:

“When I told him that I was pregnant, he didn’t say anything. He just looked out the window. When I brought it up later he said that there were other options like abortion and adoption…

I had my abortion on August 13, 1998. It’s a date I will NEVER forget.

My boyfriend didn’t come with me to the clinic. He said he had to work. So his mom went with me. At the time, I didn’t think anything of it. But now I wonder if she came not for support, but because she didn’t want me to have the baby, and wanted to make sure that I went through with it… I now wonder why his mom never asked me if this was something that I was sure I wanted to do…

I opted to go to sleep for my abortion. Which by that I should have known that if I was too afraid to be awake, I shouldn’t have been having an abortion, I remember the doctor saying I would be asleep soon. Then they were just talking amongst themselves like what we’re about to do was NO BIG DEAL! …

I was crying… I wish I had jumped up from the table and said “NO! I HAVE CHANGED MY MIND, I WANT MY BABY! I WANT MY BABY!”

But I just let myself fall asleep and I don’t know if I will ever be able to forgive myself for that.”

Quoted in Martha Jensen Abortion: Information and One’s Own Journey (2020)

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Jessica Echeverry, testifying before the Ohio House Civil Justice Committee on December 3, 2020 about a bill dealing with the disposal of aborted babies:

“At 18 years old, I had an abortion. In order to survive and carry on with my life, I buried it deep down inside, not realizing that there would be a time that I would have to face the reality of that decision.

No matter how deep I buried it, I still struggled. I became depressed, and I attempted suicide twice.

What I did not realize was that the abortion decision I had made, and that I convinced myself I was okay with, had actually become the foundation for all of my unhealthy decisions and relationships afterwards…

I had to face the pain and the truth of my abortion, and allow myself to grieve and process my loss…Allowing myself to grieve the loss of my unborn child opened new levels of healing, and created in me a desire to have had my child properly buried.

It was during this time that I began to ask myself what had happened to my child. Who knows if I would have chosen then a burial or cremation, but I can tell you that it is hauntingly true that part of the abortion experience is the knowledge that there will come a time — no matter how deep you bury it — there will come a time to face it.

And in my healing I realized that there comes a time in the post-abortive healing process where a grieving mother wishes she had been given the option to choose what happens with her baby’s remains.

I wish I was given at least that choice, so that in my painful memories of my abortion I could look back and say [that] even in my pain and ignorance at that time, at least I made the decision to act with dignity…

Do you know what truly separates us from animals? We bury our dead. I respectfully ask you [legislators], as dignified persons, to bury our dead.”

Anne Marie Williams “Post-abortive mother shares a unique perspective on fetal remains law with Ohio lawmakers” Live Action News December 9, 2020

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