Author: Tech

I had an abortion because if my father knew he would have killed me. Forty years and I still cry. And I have three children, but hurt and miss my first baby that I really wanted.

During the procedure, I was very mentally upset and actually felt nothing. I was not aware of what I was really doing since I felt that it was OK since it was only a few weeks since I missed my period. I went to Catholic grammar and high school and was never taught about the life I was carrying. I was never told in high school, a very good high school in New York City that was from St. Patrick Cathedral, about abortion and how it could make you hurt forever.

I can only say that no matter how many more children you have, the one you killed is on your mind and heart the most every day and forever – only you don’t have the love of the child and you don’t have the ability to give the child love.

From Priests for Life.

 

 

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This abortion wasn’t even my decision at all. My mom was never there for me, my whole life. I knew she was going to freak out and call me names, and demean me. But I could deal with that. I always have, and that made me want to strive even harder to keep my Angel and be successful doing it. She was no problem to deal with, just another obstacle. Just someone I had to prove wrong. But she beat me. She was right.

But, my grandma…she hurt me. With all the pain and disappointment in her eyes every time I looked at her. She was there for me throughout the whole thing, whether I kept the baby or not I knew she was going to be there. She just wanted the best for me. “You need to get an abortion. It’s only a one-day thing.” That abortion was not just a one-day thing. It’s still hurting me, every second of the day. But I think I need to be sad, it’s okay to be sad. I lost my baby and anyone would be sad because of that. She just wanted to help me; she wanted what was best for me.

But in the back of my mind I always remember I could have kept that baby and she would have been there for me. Why didn’t I think it through more? I couldn’t live at home. It was mostly my mom’s decision, even though it IS my grandma’s house. But if I did live there during the pregnancy, there would have been constant physical fighting and arguments between my mom and me and there would have been arguments with my mom and grandma about me living there; she’s 74 years old, she didn’t need that. So I understood. She didn’t want me out on the streets, my mom did.

They would have gotten over it. That’s the thing. Once that baby was born, they would have realized a little, that my baby is a part of our family. I know they would have loved him. I don’t know why I didn’t think about that… I don’t know why I didn’t think about a lot of things.

My boyfriend’s parents knew I was pregnant, but barely had ANY involvement during the WHOLE thing. Actually, quite frankly, they did nothing. At the time I thought that my only option was to live there, with my boyfriend. Which made sense, he was the baby’s father and I had nowhere to go. When he told me that his mom said that I couldn’t live with him, I couldn’t believe it. It made no sense to me. I still don’t understand. No one stepped in and said anything. No one did anything. At that time it was all about somewhere to live, and I would have kept my baby. All I needed was somewhere to sleep and be during the pregnancy. I could go home, and eat, pick up food, buy clothes with my grandma, etc. I just needed somewhere to spend my pregnancy.

She’s HIS mom, she let us go upstairs, lock the door and let me sleep over. We are teenagers. A 15-year-old and a 14-year-old, and as teenagers we are obviously very irresponsible. She knew we were having sex. Yet, when I got pregnant, she did nothing, as if she had absolutely nothing to do with it. But I do know that I was the one having sex, making the decision. I was the one who didn’t go to a shelter. I was the one who got pregnant and didn’t protect my baby. I was the one in the end who ended his life, not anyone else. And that pains me even more. It’s so hard to go to school every day knowing that. It’s hard to even wake up in the morning. At night it’s the worst for me. I’ll sit and I’ll hold my baby’s onesy that says, “I love mommy,” I’ll just cry and cry. I miss my baby. I miss feeling of my stomach stretching from the inside; it was the strangest feeling….I miss everything about being pregnant. I miss everything so much. I miss knowing that when only I was in a room, I wasn’t really alone. I would always talk to him and tell him how much I loved him. I told him everything was going to be OK. I lied.

I’m just sad; it’s even hard to breath sometimes you know? I get this weird empty feeling in my chest. It’s so emotionally and physically painful it just makes me feel like I can’t go on anymore sometimes. It’s not like I didn’t know it was going to be like this. I knew it was going to be like this. I knew myself; I knew that something like this, my heart just wouldn’t be able to handle it. But yet I went through with it anyways.

After I had gotten the picture of my baby, my blood taken, and everything else, they called me into the abortion room. I was the last person there. Then the nurse and doctor came in. The doctor was this black guy, and the nurse looked like she was like 16. Which isn’t possible, but she looked like it. I was freaking out, shaking, terrified. They kept asking SO many questions, about dumb things and smiling and laughing like it was nothing. I just wanted them to SHUT UP and get it over with. They had to give me two shots of numbing stuff, and another shot because I was so far along they had to dilate my cervix. Those numbing shots did nothing but hurt. I felt everything. I felt my Angel being sucked out of me, and it hurt so badly. I wanted to cry, I couldn’t breathe. They kept on asking me questions, I guess to take my mind off of what was going on. But I just wanted to cry, and slap them in the face. I was just thinking, “How can you take this baby out of me, and sit there and watch like it’s no big fucking thing.” I remember I kept thinking that, and being in so much pain. I also remember constantly thinking, “Oh my God, my baby is being sucked out of me, with a fucking tube.” That was the worst day and the worst pain of my life. Afterward in the recovery room is when it hit me. I just started crying. Not tears just rolling down, I was BALLING. I was crying my head off.

There was a girl sitting next to me and she went and told this fat nurse that I was crying; the lady didn’t do anything but look at me! I was in so much pain and I just wanted to get out of there. Once I got out, I felt a lot better. Thank God.

From Priests for Life. Used with permission.

 

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I had an abortion because I had no choice. My parents were not willing to support a pregnant teenager and felt that by having a baby at 16, I was ruining my life. What they did not realize was that abortion was 1000 times more devastating to me than being a teen mom would have been. I was basically being told that abortion was my only option.

I had been put under during the abortion procedure, so I do not remember the procedure itself – for which I am eternally grateful. I have heard too many stories since then from women who were awake during the procedure and my heart hurts so badly for them. I CAN say that I was extremely depressed beforehand because I wanted my baby so badly. At one point right before the procedure, when I was on the table, I asked the nurse to stop and started crying. She just told me that it would all be over soon and I would be fine.

Immediately afterward, as I was waking up from the anesthetic, I was crying hard. The “nurse” came over and patted my arm and told me I was fine and that my crying was from my anesthetic. I know that was not true because I woke up with a very-burdened heart and regret from the split second I opened my eyes.

As the days and weeks went by, I tried acting normal. I was thankful the pressure from my parents was gone, but depression was setting in because of my abortion so that within four months, I was hospitalized with severe depression. At that point I really did not want to go on and contemplated suicide.

As time went on after the abortion and after being hospitalized for three months and put on anti-depressants, I tried living my life as best I could. For 16 years I lived with PAS (Post Abortion Syndrome) completely unaware of what it was. There was not a day that went by that I did not cry about that abortion and my loss.

I found help and forgiveness by becoming aware of what PAS was and seeking healing through the Forgiven and Set Free Bible study that was recommended to me. It was in that study I learned about not only God’s forgiveness through the cross, but I was finally able to forgive myself. This happened in 2000. I am now Post Abortion Director at my local Pregnancy Resource Center and have taught this same study myself for the past four years (facilitated and co-facilitated for six years total). I give my testimony publicly wherever I am asked and feel led to share.

From Priests for Life

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I became Pro-Life in July 2010, and the reason I became Pro-Life isn’t the greatest, nor am I proud of it. All I know is we all make mistakes and we learn from them. I sure did.In May 2010 I noticed something wasn’t right about my body. I went to the Birth Control Clinic in the London-Middlesex Heath Unit to take a pregnancy test because I knew there could be a chance that I was pregnant. It was confirmed that on May 12, 2010, I was four weeks pregnant. I was so scared and devastated. I couldn’t believe what I heard and I started to cry in front of the doctors who told me this. I told them right away that I was choosing to have an abortion. I called a lot of close people to tell them what I had found out, including the father of the baby.

That night I did not want to be alone, so my younger sister came over to spend the night. On May 13, 2010, I called the Woman’s Health Clinic at Victoria Hospital to book my appointment for an ultrasound. They had to wait until I was six-eight- weeks pregnant. They booked it for June 4, 2010. When that date came I went to the clinic for the ultrasound. I was kind of excited about it.

When I got to see the fetus something in my heart changed. I wanted this baby. They even showed me the babies little heart. I really felt like I wanted to change my mind. But I also was too scared to continue with the pregnancy. So, I let my mom talk me into having an abortion. I did feel like I was taking someone’s life from them.

On June 18, 2010, I was getting the abortion. I felt very scared that morning, because I knew what I was going to do would change my life. My friend and I went to Victoria Hospital at 7a.m. The appointment was at 7:30a.m. When I got there I was led into a room with a lot of people. They gave me a gown and slippers to put on. I was in bed for an hour until they told me to take two white pills. At 8a.m. they put in my IV. I could tell that most of the women there were for abortions. They cried. I asked my friend, “Why am I not crying?” They said it was because I was thinking more about myself; the women crying were thinking more about the baby. Maybe some of them didn’t want an abortion, but got talked into it by a doctor because of pregnancy complications. I felt bad for the women who cried. At 8:30a.m. they took me to another room where they quickly put me to sleep. Before I fell asleep, I remember seeing four doctors with a lot of surgical tools.

I woke up in the recovery room feeling like it never even happened. But I knew it did. I killed my baby. I told myself wow, it is now done. At the time I didn’t know a lot about the procedure. I felt so depressed after getting it done because the feeling of not being pregnant anymore really struck me. It was like I missed it. I now know what it’s like to lose a child.

At the end of June, almost a week after the abortion I fell into a really bad depression, to the point where I needed someone to talk to. I went to my pastor for help and it did help. I believe that all aborted babies go to heaven. God knew them before He formed them in the womb. I even named my baby Kacey. It’s a boy’s and girl’s name. I was 11 weeks pregnant when I let my baby go to heaven.

From Priests for Life. Used with permission.

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I had an abortion because I had an extramarital affair. I had three other children at the time with my husband. I felt pressure from both the father of the child and my husband to abort the child.

During the abortion procedure, I experienced a lot of emotional loss and pain. Afterward it was even worse. I cried harder for the baby than I ever cried for anyone I’ve ever lost. It was a death of the closest family member and someone I loved with all my heart.

The pain has continued to this day, three years later. If I could take back one thing I’ve ever done, it would be the abortion. I can’t ever take it back. I have to live with this loss and pain of knowing that I caused this for the rest of my life.

I have found help and forgiveness through my faith in God and understanding of his forgiveness and also help in confiding to my sister and looking to her for understanding and guidance. This is a mistake I will never make again and shortly afterward I tied my tubes because I if I ever get pregnant again this will never be an option, no matter what the circumstances. Babies are innocent and they don’t deserve this. I love my baby and I always will. I pray for forgiveness daily.

From Priests for Life. Used with permission.

 

 

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I was an abused person; an abused young wife, physically, emotionally and I felt alone. I was working two jobs, trying to get a divorce from my abusive husband. I had two small children; we lived in several different dumps, we had been robbed and I had been raped several times.

That night before I made my decision, after talking to a counselor at the pregnancy clinic, I had taken the night off from work, we had just moved into yet another dump, and for the very first time in my entire life, I stole something. I had no money, my two little boys were crying and hungry; every penny went into moving. So I took them, carrying one on each side of my body, through the icy snow, five blocks down the street to a small restaurant. I didn’t order anything for myself, only for my two children. I wrote an apology note, an “IOU” so-to-speak; bundled them back up and left the place without paying for their meals. We returned to our tiny studio apartment, I lay on the floor under them next to the couch in case they rolled or fell off in the night and cried all night long. I was already ashamed of my choices thus far and I was only 20 years old, with two little boys that I loved with all my heart. I still love the baby that I killed, but I did it twice after that.

At the time, each time, the circumstances seemed so grim and I felt doomed already. I have no excuse and I have asked God for forgiveness, but I’m not sure I deserve it anyways. Don’t worry. I have suffered not only mentally, but physically as well. I am confined to a wheelchair and a bed most of the time. I am in worse financial condition than I was back then. I have almost died, at least 10 times since then, but I can’t die, until my punishment and agony is finished. I have even tried two kill myself, unsuccessfully, as you can see.

I went to my church and confessed my many sins. No matter how grim my situation seemed, or how much I “THOUGHT” I was saving my unborn children a worse fate, or thinking that I was also saving my already born children from a chance of starvation, it was not my right. It has driven me beyond where the human mind, spirit or soul should ever go. If I could do it over again, of course I would do it differently. But that devil preys on the weak-minded, brokenhearted, terrified girls who are alone and afraid. I would not recommend it to anyone.

I tried to stop my best friend, but she insisted. I tried to tell her about what I went through, but she said, “Please don’t tell me about it. I have full-blown AIDS; I can NOT have this baby.” So, I drove her home in her car afterward. I prayed for her. I actually pray constantly now for everyone, but myself.

 

 

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I would like to share my story about my abortion. I am 18 years old and I honestly say I regret having the abortion and I would do anything in the world to just go back to that day and change what happened. Unfortunately, I can’t so I would like to share my story and hopefully some young girl who is pregnant and unsure of what to do will read this story.

I had been seeing a guy who was four years older than me for about a year, when I found out I was pregnant. Being only 16 years old I was so scared and had no idea what to do. I told him and he convinced me to have an abortion. Because I looked up to him, I listened to him and thought that he knew best, when really deep down I knew I was making the wrong decision. My heart wanted to keep my baby, and even when I was at the abortion clinic I still knew I was making the wrong decision but for some reason because I was so scared and afraid of what every one else like my parents, family, friends would think I went along with it. I am a good student and have received top marks at school so I did care what people thought of me and I had pressure on me to succeed in life, go well in the HSC, go to university, get a good job, get married and then have children. This is the type of world I had been bought up in that was meant to be ideal.

He came with my when I got the abortion and he held my hand and was with me all the time. Afterwards though, we didn’t speak about it and I guess we tried to pretend it didn’t happen. It was like oh it happened that was bad but it’s over now so move on. That was his attitude. I on the other hand felt so hurt and broken and all I wanted was for him to be there for me. We were both young and didn’t know how to deal with the situation, even today it is hard to talk about it with him. It wasn’t for 9 months that I suddenly cracked it and I could not stop crying. I was so depressed and just wanted to kill myself. I didn’t have the energy to do anything: to complete my HSC was the hardest thing because I was sad and wanted to cry and let my emotions out, but knew I had to stay focused and go well. I knew that if I didn’t go well in the HSC … I mean get above 90%, then I would feel like a complete failure and that the hurt and pain I was going through because of the abortion wasn’t worth it. After all I had the abortion so that I could enjoy being young and really get somewhere in life. I do not believe this at all now. This was the most stupid reason to have an abortion.

Our relationship suffered, and it turned into just sex. We would see each other and just have sex. We would never talk and if we did try to talk about the abortion again I would shut him down because it hurt me so much. I felt like he didn’t care and was never there for me even though he promised me he would be and reassured me at the time. I got so angry at him, which is why our relationship turned into just sex. I treated him like that’s all I wanted him for and I know I ended up hurting him so much, only because I was hurting so much inside and I had lost my trust in him. He said he would be there for me, and then I couldn’t talk to him, so that’s why I felt to hurt. He would shut me down too and said some pretty harsh comments but I know that’s because he didn’t know how to deal with it either.

He split up with me the other day but we both realized how messed up our relationship was. He has a new girlfriend now, but I don’t blame him because I messed him around so much. I am very hurt though. I love him still so much, and I just want to be with him, because I have a connection to him because he was the father of my child. I am going to get counselling because I know I can’t handle the abortion still. It’s almost 2 years ago now. He did say Happy Mothers Day to me this year though, which I thought was so cute and it made me happy. I would love to end up with him one day and have children with him because that is how much he means to me. I accept that he has a new girlfriend now but it still hurts me. I am glad in a way that he broke it off with me because it has made me realize that I need help to deal with the abortion so that I can have healthy relationships in the future and in the long run it is just going to make our relationship stronger because I can now talk to him a lot easier. Instead of denying my feelings of hurt and sadness and regret, I am now ready to talk to him about it. We are still close friends too, so I haven’t lost him completely and who knows what will happen in the future. At least now I can talk to him. Well, I guess that forms the basis of a relationship in the first place.

Just some advice to anyone thinking about having an abortion. Please make sure that you think about it carefully before you do anything. I know that you are probably so scared but please think, listen to what other people say, don’t be scared to get help from people like I was and remember in the end it is YOUR choice: it is your life, do what you want not what other people tell you because in the end you are the one that is going to have live with the consequences, not anybody else.

I am adopted and I already feel like I have lost a part of me, because I have never met my birth mother, I have lost my daughter too. Although this might not look that bad, because I have a loving adoptive family, great friends, great home, great environment, I am smart and intelligent but I still suffer so much. When I am alone I feel like crying because I still carry so much hurt and pain, even though it has healed greatly. It will always be there, forever, but it has made me a stronger person today. But I would rather have my daughter and not have this empty, broken feeling then be a successful young woman who achieves well in everything she does, which I am today. Just because I look like I have everything and it appears that I am a very lucky girl, inside I feel completely different. Don’t choose the material world over your heart and soul, listen to that voice inside and always be honest to yourself.

 

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Hi, i thought it’s about time i let go and shared my feelings with others hopefully writing to you and others reading will perhaps change someone’s mind on having an abortion.

I was in sixth year at school sitting highers when my life had turned sour. To paint a picture for you, I was living with my dad, mum lived away and I had a boyfriend of 2 years. We had broken up but fell back in.

For the start of our relationship I always used protection when it came to intercourse. Then after a while we stopped using it as we thought things would be ok.

I made the mistake of going out with friends and consuming alcohol, then having unprotected sex with a boy I had fancied throughout my time at school. I wasn’t proud of what I done afterwards.

A couple of weeks passed and I felt sick all the time. I was sitting at the dinner table one evening with my mother and her new man, when she asked me if I was pregnant. I automatically defended myself and said NO. Then i started to think to myself, WHAT IF I AM?

I started to get worried and I had to ask my older sister to come with me for a test. Surprise, surprise it came up positive, the one thing i didn’t want.

At this stage of my life I had a lot to do. I wasn’t even 18 yet. I was going on a mountain climb to Spain within that year, and last but not least I didn’t know who the father was. I so much wanted it to be the long term boyfriend who I liked a lot, but then I thought, It’s more likely to be the one night stand with the boy from school. I thought about what I could do and the only thing I came up with was a termination.

I remember it as though it was a dream that never happened. It started when I went to a woman’s clinic and said I didn’t want to have a baby right at this time as I wanted to finish school, go to college, and go on my mountain climbing trip. Now thinking of they things it was so selfish.

They booked me in with a hospital. I went there and lay on a bed. They didn’t let me see anything or even hear anything. Again they asked me why I wanted to do it. I just wished now that they had told me about the procedure or even what would happen to me afterwards but they didn’t. If only they could have tried to talk me out of it I wouldn’t be here today sharing this with you all.

I eventually told my mum. She took it well and said she would support me in any decision I made. I kept it from my dad and he still doesn’t know to this day. But she didn’t try to change my mind either. Mum went with me to the hospital that day. I didn’t have anything to eat. I had to lie in a bed for a while, then the nurse came and inserted something into my bottom area which wasn’t very pleasent. A while later they inserted needles into my arm. Then I was moved on to the trolley and away I went. Along the corridors I went and then they dropped me off at the table. As I lay there starting to shake they injected something into the valve in the arm, put an object over my face and told me to count to 5. …

I woke up outside the surgery room in the middle of a corridor thinking what the hell have I done. When I went back my mum was still there holding my hand. I acted as though nothing had happened. I had to rest for a couple of hours. Then it was time to stand up. Blood was covering the bed where I lay and I felt sick. A nurse came and gave me some contraceptive pills and some pain killers. Walking from the hospital to the taxi I was crouched with pain. I got home and curled up into small ball and cried all night.

This subject is out of bounds to talk about: my mum and sister don’t say a word. I am in a good relationship now and have briefly spoken about this. They do not approach this subject without me starting the conversation because it is still raw and probably will always be.

There is not a day that goes by without me thinking about the child that I could have had. I am the only person in my family now with no children. I love to play with all my nieces and nephews and I always think, If only I hadn’t terminated my child it could play too.

I would say that my body physically hasn’t mended and that I suffer from depression. It’s something I need to live with for the rest of my life as I can’t turn back the clock, but if I could I wouldn’t have done what I did.

I am 22 now studying at college, in a good relationship, and trying to make things work.

I just hope that this can help someone else make the right desion. Thanks for reading.

 

 

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On April 22, 1992 at Dr Martin Haskell’s office in Dayton, Ohio I ended the life of my unborn child. I wrote this in hopes that someday he or anyone else that reads my story will change their view on abortion. It has now been 12 years, 11 months and 4 days sense I took the life of my baby. Here is my story.

While at this time I am 27 years old, I had an abortion when I was 14. (That’s a story in itself.) Abortion just destroys a “thing”. Well, that’s the lie they tell you. They took the one thing from me that I can never get back: they took my child, a part of me. How can they refer to him as just a “thing”? It has changed every aspect of my life, from trying to determine whether I should have the right to live to questioning my religious beliefs. I can’t explain the bond between mother and child, especially sense I never held my son. I never saw him smile or say Mommy I love you. I never saw him walk and I took that away from him. I will forever have to remember that I took a life that day. I am still not sure to this day if my little angel can forgive me or even if I have the right to ask for forgiveness.

Today I have three beautiful little girls. Watching them grow I can’t help but wonder, What if my little one were here? What would he look like? Now I am having to live my life every day in pain, crying constantly, not being able to be there for my daughters as a mother should.

In conclusion, they can’t tell me that this was just a “thing”. He was a human. My child a part of me and even though he isn’t here with me I will hold him in my heart forever.

 

 

 

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As a little girl, I often dreamed of a life full of adventure and that along this journey, I would marry Mr. Right and have a family. I never dreamed that my journey would include an abortion.

My dream life took its first tragic turn when I was 13 years old. My wonderful father passed away very suddenly. Teenage years are hard enough to get through, but now I was a daddy’s girl without her daddy. His death left a huge hole in my heart that I didn’t know how to fill. Rather than find comfort in my faith, I looked to the things and people of this world to fill the void. As years went by, I especially tried to find happiness through relationships. At first, I thought that my high school boyfriend would be Mr. Right and I exchanged my virginity for his affection. It was a bad deal. So I moved on to college without Mr. Right and without my virginity.

The summer before my sophomore year of college, I met another candidate for Mr. Right. Again I made the exchange of myself for affection, and again it was a bad deal. This time I would be going back to school without Mr. Right but with a pregnancy. When I found out I was pregnant, I was terrified. Over and over in my mind I kept thinking, this isn’t supposed to happen to me. I didn’t know what to do.

One week before I was to pack up and go back to school, I told the father of the baby that I was pregnant. He asked me what I was going to do about it. I knew by his response that he saw this as MY problem- not his. He did offer to pay for half of the abortion, so I returned to school that fall with $150.00 in cash and a big decision to make. A week after I moved back to school, I decided maybe the college health center could help me. I went to the front desk and asked for a pregnancy test. The nurse at the desk asked me if I had already taken a home pregnancy test and informed me that if it was positive then it would be a waste of time for them to give me another one. I asked if I could talk to someone. Another nurse came out into the waiting room to speak with me. When I realized that they weren’t even going to let me past the front desk, I knew they could offer me no help. I asked the nurse about abortion, and she said I could just find a clinic in the yellow pages. I walked out of the college health center feeling utterly alone. The one person I should have turned to was my mother, but I just couldn’t overcome my fear of facing her with this hurtful news.

So when I got back to my dorm room, I picked up the yellow pages and called the abortion clinic. The abortion experience was like a cattle drive. The other women and I were herded together from room to room. The only thing I remember about the abortion counselor was that she asked me if I would like a prescription for the birth control pill. She gave me a starter pack of pills and an antibiotic to take after the procedure. We were then ushered into separate rooms where we waited for the doctor. It was a cold and humiliating experience. The worst part was the “recovery room.” All the women were put together into a large dark room where we were placed on cold vinyl beds to wait for the Valium to wear off. I’ll never forget the sickening feeling of lying in that room, listening to the moaning of other women and just wanting to escape as quickly as possible.

In the days that followed I felt relief. I had wanted the pregnancy to be untrue and now I thought it was over. For years after, I worked hard to forget that day and pretend it never happened. I finished college and along the way I did meet Mr. Right. We were having a wonderful time together and talking about marriage. It seemed like my dream life was right on track. I had finished my degree, had a great job and a wonderful fiance. So I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t happy.

Finally, I decided that maybe, just maybe, it was because I missed God. I secretly began to pray. Since I was hiding my sin in the darkness – that is where God answered my prayer – in the darkness of a movie theater. My fiance and I were at the movies seeing the “Gr6een Mile.” In that film, Tom Hanks plays the role of a death row prison guard who must oversee the execution of an innocent man. Even though Hanks’ character knows the gentle inmate is innocent, he participates in the execution; but it haunts him for the rest of his life. At the end of the film, the prison guard wonders what it will be like at the end of his own life when he meets God. He utters the line, “What will I say when God asks me why, why did you kill my miracle?”

Those words hit me like a ton of bricks. Because I knew that someday God would ask me that same question. Why, did I kill His miracle and I would have to answer that it was because I was afraid of making room in my life for that child. I went home from the movies, locked myself in the bathroom and sobbed until I couldn’t breathe. I realized that the abortion had not just been about my life, but it was about the life of a child that I couldn’t bring myself to face. All the pain I thought I had avoided came crashing down on me in that moment. I realized that I had sacrificed the life of another human being just to maintain my status quo. It was more than I could bear.

Fortunately, God gave me the grace to return to the Catholic Church. I didn’t want to be afraid anymore. I went to the sacrament of reconciliation and finally felt the fear drain away. Through the mercy of Christ, I was forgiven and free. Then I found even further healing through an organization called Rachel’s Vineyard. I would urge any woman who has had an abortion to attend a Rachel’s Vineyard retreat. It was a chance for me to spend an entire weekend on the many emotional wounds I had left unattended for so many years. When I left that retreat, I felt like a new person.

I now have five beautiful children and a loving, gifted husband. But I know that there is someone missing from my life who cannot be replaced.

What I would like everyone to know is that abortion clinics are like human pawn shops. I walked into there and exchanged my own child in return for the life I thought I wanted. But I walked out with a debt of grief and sorrow that I could not repay.

From Priests for Life
Note; Religious beliefs expressed in testimonies are not necessarily endorsed by site owner

 

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