I had an abortion on February 17, 2001. I had just turned 18 on January 31, My parents had once told me that if I ever had an abortion that they would disown. I really didn’t believe in them myself. I remember the day of my birthday I skipped school and me and my boyfriend of about 2 years went to the clinic to take a pregnancy test and of course it came back positive. After that he did not talk to me about it for a week
I knew how he was feeling he didn’t want a baby and I knew he was for abortion, but he didn’t understand how I felt. So I told him I would have an abortion for him. He didn’t even think about my feelings and I wasn’t thinking about my babies feelings or mine I was only thinking about him, and to this day I don’t know why he didn’t care. The next day I called a clinic in a nearby town and I scheduled and appointment to go in and talk to someone about having the abortion they told me that it wasn’t very painful and it was a quick process. They gave me an ultrasound just to make sure that I was pregnant. The day finally came February 17 I was scheduled to have my abortion on this Friday at 1:30 up.me. a day that I will never ever forget. I remember they told me not to eat that more because it may make me nausea. I got there about 15 minutes early I could not believe how many girls were there. There must have been at least 40 of them and I just thought to my self its like this is no big deal hundreds of girls do this every day, I thought of myself as just another statistic, but I wasn’t. I was sitting there for at least 3 hours before they even got me into the prep room. As I sat there I just wanted to run out, I had already paid the 350 dollars it cost but I didn’t care I just wanted to run, but something wouldn’t let me and I remember wanting to cry but I couldn’t do that either I just sat there not saying a word. Then I heard my name being called by a nurse. I went back into the prep room and nobody was aloud to come with me. I was so scared. The nurse took my blood and gave my a couple pills to swallow. Then I sat down were 4 girls were sitting that had been called in right before me. They put a movie in that explained what was going to happen I didn’t even want to watch it so I got a magazine off the shelf and started flipping through the pages not even really paying any attention to the magazine. Then I started to get really dizzy and felt sort of numb I figured out that it was one of those pills they gave me to relax my muscles. I was the next girl to be called in and by this time I felt like there was nothing I could do but wait my turn. I remember seeing a girl that had just got through with having hers they were walking her down the hallway to the recovery room and she was screaming saying it hurt so bad and I started to get really scared and then they called me in. There was a nurse there with me to hold my hand and they gave me a couple shots down there to numb things and I think those hurt more than the actual abortion itself. I remember then the nurse said do you want to hold my hand and I squeezed so hard not really because it my body because they were sucking my baby out of me with a machine and what kind of sick person would let this happen to something that was apart of them. Then it was all over all I could think is that God should punish me and I hope I will never be able to have babies again because that is what I deserve for doing this. After I got home and for about 3 months after all I could is cry and I hated my boyfriend for I blamed him for everything, but I was the one who did it, I did it to myself and my baby. I kept telling him I wanted my baby back. And I told him if you can’t give me what I want I don’t want to be with you. I was horrible. Those couple of months afterwards I didn’t even know who I was. Well things started settling down and I started being myself again but believe me I will never forget what mistake I made I am just dealing with it a little better now. Me and my boyfriend moved in together in May of that same year. In June I found out I was pregnant again and that brought every thing back I was so mad at myself. How could I have this baby but I couldn’t have the last one. I hurt so bad. Me and boyfriend decided that the best bet would be to keep this one. Know I kind think I am just trying to replace the baby that I so easily killed. My baby girl is due in 2 months march 3, 2002. And I will never do anything to hurt this baby. There are so many people out there they can’t even have children and there are even more people out there like me that can get pregnant and are so selfish and can just kill there child. I made the worst mistake of my life.
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