I had my abortion on February 21st 2000. I was 22 years old and living it up with my boyfriend at the time. I was a bartender for a hot nightclub and raking in dollars so I thought I had it all. It was dinner and drinking out every night of the week, snow-boarding trips every weekend, life was one big party, then the pregnancy test came back positive.
When I saw the blue line I had mixed emotions. One part of me was saying, “Oh no! This can’t be happening, a baby’s gonna ruin my lifestyle!” and the other part of me started feeling the soft pulls of maternal bonding. My boyfriend freaked and insisted I have an abortion right away. I called the clinic the next day and everything was arranged for the following week. I walked around in a daze for the rest of the week. The morning of the appointment I remember standing outside the clinic and crying that I didn’t want to go in and my boyfriend insisting that I should. I went in and talked to the so called counselor (salesperson). She was the nastiest most inconsiderate B-word. I went through the blood test, changing my clothes and sonogram crying. There were 4 girls ahead of me in the inner waiting room and I got to talking with one of them and she had been to this clinic 4 times before. 4 TIMES!!! When it was finally my turn I remember getting on the table and having my feet put in stirrups roughly by the doctor and having an IV inserted for the general anesthesia, I felt so trapped like a cow before slaughter, everything felt like it was going in slow motion. The last thing I remember, I was crying and saying that the IV burned and then everything went black. I woke up in pain and crying in the recovery room. The doctor (abortionist, murderer) came in all annoyed and asked me “What are you still crying for?” He then told me that I cried through the whole procedure even under general anesthesia and that it was very distracting. I ignored him and kept on crying and a woman sitting in a recovery chair next to me held me and rocked me and stroked my hair even though she must have been feeling just as bad as I was. Then I went home. I thought it would be all a bad memory and that I’d be fine but all I saw on tv when I got home were diaper ads and formula ads. My boyfriend and I sank into a year long period of uncontrolled drinking and drug abuse. Both he and I would cry over our dead baby and we’d drink and snort cocaine until we couldn’t feel anything emotionally anymore. What was once just fun and games became almost an obligation because we felt we killed our baby for the privilege of living it up and if we cleaned up our acts it would mean our baby died in vain.I also became physically violent towards him whenever I would have flashbacks to that horrible abortion. What made us both realize that we couldn’t go on living the way we were was I had an overdose one night and it’s only by the grace of God that I didn’t die. We both started down the road of recovery and 2 months later we were married and 2 months after that I was pregnant. Oh what tears of joy we shed. I had one scare during the pregnancy when at 6 weeks along (6 weeks was when I had the abortion with the first baby) I started bleeding. We rushed to the hospital and discovered that I was not miscarrying and heard his little heartbeat for the first time. That was when I started researching fetal development and abortion because the clinic never told me that the “clump of cells” as they called my baby had a heartbeat. I am very angry at abortion clinics because they never tell the woman that she could get a perforated uterus or bowel, become sterile, contract a disease from unsanitary equipment, increase her risks of breast cancer, get an infection from leaving parts of the baby behind in her womb, post abortion syndrome which pro abortion people like to deny the existence of, which my husband and I went through and the list goes on and on. My husband and I are today the proud parents of a healthy and beautiful 4 1/2 month old boy. We have a wonderful life now free of drugs and heavy drinking, he works hard and provides very well for our son and myself. I am now a volunteer counselor for a wonderful crisis pregnancy center(my husband also volunteers). Even though I couldn’t save my own child’s life or saved myself from the aftermath of abortion I am dedicated to saving other women and their babies from this horror they call Choice.
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