Hi my name is Amanda! I am 16 but will be 17 in 15 days. The date is Jan.5th. But on Oct.15th I had my first abortion.I think abortion is really wrong and I would have never got one if I really knew what was going on.
I was actually forced to by my parents and I say this b/c I had to choose between the love of my baby and my parents.
Well, here’s my story I began having sex at early 15 only looking for love and attention. Which later realized that is not what I was getting. I had sex with a guy I knew maybe a year and then later on found out I was pregnant. I was shocked but in a way glad b/c I love kids.
As I told my parents I got the impression which I never expected ( it was only b/c I’m white and he was black). I had no one on my side. I was so upset. All I wanted was for someone to tell me they loved me and they would be behind me 100%. I never got that so mom made the appointment. As I walked in the doors for the appointment everyone looks up. I sit down embarrassed of being there. My eyes are filled with tears. They begin calling names and I am the next to be called back and asked to get dressed in some little pieces of clothes. I go and sit back down and am asked to go get my ultrasound. I go into a room and some jelly stuff is spread on my belly, it’s cold and as I look into the monitor I see my tiny baby. I can see the whole body, I see the heart beating and I ask the women is the baby healthy she says yes. She tells me that I was 12 1/2 weeks so then I know it is not my boyfriends it is a guy I slept with only one time. I go outside to tell mama thinking it would be a bit easier now. Then I’m called back to the room it would all take place. I am asked to climb on the table , lie down ,and put my feet up. As I lie down on the cold table I had a feeling like no other. My heart began to beat fast, It almost hurt to breath, I began to shake all over and am asked to stay still. I tell mama I didn’t want to do this, please mama I say, she replies it will all be over in a minute. I lay there knowing what’s going on and cry loudly. What is said to be six minutes seems a lifetime. Then I’m sent to a recovery room for an hour. Everyone seemed so relieved but not me I’m longing for what I have just let go. I go home and still remember the sounds of the machine,the cold table, and every thought. Not until a couple days later did it really seem to hit. I began to go into a deep depression and still blame my parents. I always think about on may 15th I would be having a baby. I’m young but still know the feeling of heartache. I cry out all the time. I have nightmares that are awful and wake up screaming. I have flashbacks all the time. And sometimes I dream of what the baby would have been like and think of the fun things we would have been able to do together. The crazy thing is sometimes I still imagine the baby being there and feel something that is almost like a baby kicking in my stomach. I truly regret this and only wish I could take it back. The baby is in my every thought.
Thanks, Amanda
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