Woman is grateful her abortions failed

A woman whose baby survived attempted abortion expressed gratitude for the life of her child. She was still pregnant when she gave the following interview:

“He[Her partner] was away on business and I immediately rang him on his mobile. However, I’d barely told him when he simply put the phone down. It was the worst possible reaction I could have imagined.

Worse was to come – when, a few hours later, he rang me back, he simply told me coldly I should get rid of it and he would pay for the abortion.

I felt totally devastated. It was so unlike him and just beyond explanation……

I hoped he would come round, but every time I spoke to him it was the same – he told me I had to get a termination. He didn’t even come back to the house to get the things he’d left here.

As the weeks went by I realised Jonathan was not the man I thought he was and while I longed for him to walk through the door and say he had changed his mind, he never came back.

When I rang him, his phone became ‘unavailable’. Slowly I realised my perfect gentleman, when faced with the realities of a pregnancy, had bolted…..

I spoke to my GP who referred me to a counsellor. I also rang Life, the anti-abortion organisation …But although the woman from Life tried to point out that my third baby could still have a loving home with its siblings, nothing could convince me not to go ahead with an abortion….

I could see the baby’s heartbeat on the scan,” she says, “and I couldn’t stop crying. Whichever way I turned I felt guilty – guilty if I had a termination, guilty if I brought a baby into the world in such circumstances, and guilty for stupidly getting pregnant in the first place.

I took the first pill in the clinic and was to take a second pill two days later at home. Staff explained I would probably begin to bleed within hours.”

But she threw up the pills and they didn’t work. She was scheduled for a surgical abortion.

“Doctors there said they could suck the foetus out, doing this termination under a general anaesthetic.

Once more I had to steel myself for this ordeal and kept telling myself that it was the right decision. I got ready for the operation, but then went for the scan that they legally must do before going ahead.

14 weeks

14 weeks

This more advanced scan revealed my pregnancy was over the limit of 12 to 13 weeks for the procedure they’d planned. I couldn’t believe it when the doctor broke the news they couldn’t go through with it….

By now I had seen my baby’s arms and legs waving on the scan. My baby was fully formed and even I marvelled at how it had grown so quickly into this perfect little human shape.

The sonographer estimated I may be as much as 14 or 15 weeks pregnant, and it seemed perfectly healthy and looked remarkably happy considering I’d already tried twice to destroy it.

14 weeks

14 weeks

Suddenly it felt as if I would really be killing my baby. …

I went out of the room. ‘I’m sorry,’ I said to the nurse as I walked out of the clinic. ‘I just don’t think I can go through with this.’ It was both the hardest and easiest decision I have ever made in my life.

Overcome with emotion, I came home and wept. I put my hands on my tummy – already I could feel the bump and was overcome with guilt at what I’d tried to do……

I used to think of an unwanted pregnancy as just a bundle of cells that you could get rid of without too much hassle. Now, I feel many women, just like me, do not think deeply enough about what they are doing.

It’s only now, having gone through the process of having a termination, that I realise why you hear all the time about women who – often years later – regret terribly having an abortion.

I just feel incredibly lucky that after everything I’ve done, my baby is still alive and I will not have to live with that regret.”

She refused to have the baby tested for Down syndrome, claiming she would definitely not abort even if the child would be disabled:

Allison Smith-Squire “I tried twice to abort my baby – but I’m delighted I failedDaily Mail July 2, 2007

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About Sarah

Sarah is a member of the board of The Pro-life Alliance of Gays and Lesbians.
This entry was posted in Abortion Survivors, Women's Stories. Bookmark the permalink.

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