Pro-Choice Regrets

This story was published in March 2003 on a pro-choice website called Many Voices, Many Choices. It was quoted by Life Dynamics.

“I got pregnant in January of this year. When I found out I was pregnant I was scared but excited. I believed that I should keep the baby although I knew the timing wasn’t perfect. However, my family wasn’t thrilled about the idea of my being pregnant so I decided to abort.

….For me abortion has caused me much despair. It has been a month and I am more devastated now than ever. I feel guilt, and anger, and apathy towards almost all aspects of my life….Last week I went for my follow-up appointment. I had sent in a comment card stating that I wish a note had been provided to me regarding the delay in my abortion (I was in the operation room for 2 hours due to the stubborn cervix) and the outcome. I also stated that in lieu of a note it would have been courteous to inform my boyfriend what was going on since he was the last one in the waiting room and so much time had gone by.

They were rude: The nurse was curt with me and pretty rude about my negative comments. The same nurse then pulled out an ultrasound to show me my atypical cervix. That ultrasound showed my 9-week fetus, complete with arms and legs, prior to the abortion. I am now unable to go more than three or four hours without having the image of that unknowing baby nestled within my uterus. That image will haunt me for a while.

Emotional Pain: I was nervous about the abortion. I assumed I would be a little sad and that there would be pain. But the physical pain was a non-issue. The pain that I feel now is emotional and seems to have no end. I am doubting so much about my life now. I doubt my relationship, I doubt my family who merely expressed displeasure over my being an UN-wed mother (it would destroy them if they knew what I had done), I doubt my career, and I doubt myself. My world has turned upside down.

I wish more than anything that we had chosen to keep our child….

I can’t imagine someone having this done and not feeling despair at some point. It is not as easy as they make it sound. It is hard…. maybe even harder than having a child.

I was pro-choice my entire adult life. Technically, I still am. But I am angry that this decision was so easy for me to make. I am angry that my abortion clinic gave me a comment card similar to one you get at the Marriott and then was rude to me because I didn’t have glowing things to say about my experience. I am angry with myself for having been so weak.

 

9-week-old baby in the womb


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