Pregnant rape survivor regrets her abortion

Marie Rodier, pregnant after rape, told her story.  She became pregnant before Roe v. Wade, but her state allowed abortions in case of rape:

“My immediate feeling was anger; there was never a moment when I thought of the baby as mine. I was as disgusted with the thought of it as I was of the rapist, and I wanted to get rid of it…

My feelings changed from anger into a very withdrawn depression. I had morning sickness and was tired. I felt under pressure internally to abort. I was also influenced by my feminist friends who approved of abortion…

I planned from early on to get rid of it. I decided out of anger, wanting to rid myself of the “filth” of this child. Before this I had given no thought to abortion. If it hadn’t been that I was raped, I would not have considered abortion, because I did not believe it was moral to abort for convenience. Besides, the state law allowed abortion in cases of rape.”

The abortion, however, was a horrible experience:

“During the abortion I woke up in pain, screaming, “What are you doing to me?” I felt like they had sucked out my guts. The staff was very rude to each other, yelling over the vacuum to hurry up. Afterwards I felt totally empty and stripped of any bit of value in my life.”

She suffered emotional distress:

“The abortion had negative effects for three years afterwards. Even though I was trying to gain respectability on an outer level, I was also drinking heavily, smoking marijuana, and being promiscuous, even getting involved in three adulterous affairs. It was very depressing.

Another possible effect is that it made relationships with men even more difficult. It took me 15 years to get married. Then when I tried to conceive a child, I discovered I am not able… This has been a very sad thing to face – that I may have killed my only child…

Far from helping me deal with the rape and incest, the abortion just covered over the issue… It took me 17 years to deal with the abortion…

Abortion is not helpful; it only obscures the areas that need healing by placing a huge wall of guilt between the real issues and the woman’s conscience.”

David C Reardon, Julie Makimaa, and Amy Sobie Victims and Victors: Speaking out about Their Pregnancies, Abortions, and Children Resulting from Sexual Assault (Springfield, Illinois: Acorn Books, 2000) 61-62

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Author: Sarah

Sarah is a member of the board of The Pro-life Alliance of Gays and Lesbians.

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