An African-American postabortive father named Brian tells his story:
“I’m a former co-conspirator to murder. I was so fearful and self-centered that I put my own flesh and blood to the knife on an abortionist’s table in New York City.
There are consequences when we abandon our God designed role as provider and protector of our families. When you drove your wife/fiancé/girlfriend to the “clinic” as I did years ago – or were an agreeable, non-present partner – something inside you died when your child died.
As for me, my manhood and self-respect died. The natural, God-given drive, leadership, and protection instilled in a man for his family died. I lost a son who would have been 28 this year. He would have been an older brother for my son and 2 daughters who are alive today. It did not stop there. Miscarriage, a common side effect of abortion, banged down my door and took my youngest daughter shortly after.
I lost the trust, respect, and deep companionship of my wife – we behaved more like roommates than spouses. For years, she loathed the sight of me because I didn’t have the courage to say, “Let’s get married, have this child, and have a life.” Instead, I was derelict of all my family duties and chose what I thought was the easy way out.
I remember my shame. I was unwilling to tackle the responsibility of raising a child and supporting a family. I wanted to continue “shacking up” and not pay any penalties. It was easy for me to buy into the lie “the unborn is not a child” – even though I knew in my heart it was wrong.
“How can a wife trust the husband who will end his own son’s life? What would people think of me if they knew?” Questions like these weighed heavily on my mind. Like most men, I “got on” with life. I buried myself in causes, ministries, vocations, newspapers, and recreation. All the while, self-hatred anchored me to my albatross – mediocrity. This further pounded nails into my wife’s heart – and my own.
Maybe you’re the father whose child was aborted without your knowledge or consent. Maybe you pleaded with the mother to keep the child or choose adoption, only to be told you had no right or say in the matter. You are the real brothers because you fought for your family! You survived the legally imposed impotence that bludgeoned your fatherhood, leaving millions of our brothers griefstricken – with rage searing through your heart like a hot branding iron. The day your child died, you died too.
Want a snapshot of America? The 1973 Roe V Wade decision devastated the family and destroyed whole populations. African-American men: listen to me! 33% of our race is GONE – I and maybe even you have contributed to the genocide of our own people!
That’s why I am passionate about supporting abortion recovery ministries and strongly urge men to participate in one if you, your wife, or girlfriend have been involved with abortion. My wife and I were able to go through abortion recovery and our marriage and family were restored. Individually, we have reconciled with God, and our children and have experienced piece that permeates our hearts.
As black men, let us take responsibility and have the courage to say what I did not say many years ago, “Honey, let’s do the right thing, believe God, and bring this child into the world as husband and wife.”
“Brian’s story” Human Life Alliance Advertising Supplement 2010
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