“I know I took things harder than most, but I’ll never forget the sounds, I don’t feel anyone human could…”
I don’t think I’m ready for this, but I need someone to hear me. I’m almost 20, and had an abortion last Friday. I’d read the site, but abortion was never really an issue in my heart, I wanted my baby, my boyfriend however did not. After two years, you don’t think someone could really leave you over a baby, especially their own, but now I know that’s where we get single mom’s. So what were my reasons? I looked at how it would effect everyone except for myself and MY BABY. I never even thought about myself (I didn’t think anyone cared). Most women hear their baby’s heart beat as a first step in pregnancy. I saw my baby on my first visit to the abortion clinic. At 14 weeks, I already wanted to hold it, it was so much bigger than I thought, so defined. I watched my baby’s fast heart beat, it’s little chest rise and fall, and I watched it kick as she moved the ultrasound wand. My baby. I’ll take that image to my grave. The next day I returned for the operation, why? Because two people took time off work to take me, not because I wanted to be there. I know I took things harder than most, but I’ll never forget the sounds , I don’t feel anyone human could. I didn’t judge any of the girls in the recovery room for their decisions, but it hurt me that most of them showed no remorse and instead, relief. I live now in regret. And there’s nothing I can do. I read another letter in your columns, a girl stated that she’d killed someone and it was legal. I too questioned why I wasn’t in jail. It was even worse than killing your neighbor, I killed my baby. I could not wish my experience on my worst enemy. I know I’m not stable right now, but I just want to help ONE person, only one if I could.. LISTEN TO YOUR HEART, you can do it! There are organizations to help you, and most of all support is almost anywhere if you look… I know that now. I am on the road to recovery, coping with my decision, but forever a piece of my heart will of been left at that clinic.
Good luck.
H.L. 11/6/99