Category: Men and Abortion

A man whose wife aborted two babies against his will says the following:

“Abortion is a decision that doesn’t just affect the woman. It is a choice that also affects the father. He may have been the one who demanded and coerced the woman into the abortion, or he may have been the one who stood silently by as the choice was made, without ever being part of the decision-making process, and told about it only after it was an accomplished fact. In either case, the husband becomes conflicted, despondent, and angry.

The views of both husband and wife become perverted, and their perspectives are tossed upside down. Deep down in their hearts, men sense the death of their baby, and they may suffer from the symptoms of Postabortion Stress – just as much as women do.”

Cheryl Chew Make Me Your Choice: Compelling Personal Stories of Struggle and Healing for Those Who Have Had or Dealt with Abortion (Shippensburg, PA: Destiny Image Publishers Inc., 2006) 58

From a man identified only as Jim who regrets the abortion his wife had:

“Since that day, the choice I made – the one I forced her to make because I was scared and confused – has haunted me without end. There is not one day that goes by when I do not recall the black Wednesday that changed our lives – the day I took her to the abortion clinic. I hate Wednesdays!

She tried to be so brave and understanding with regard to the burden this child would bring upon us in light of the fact that my new career as a musician was starting to hit. You see, I was getting bookings for clubs up and down the state. How could my career take off with a brand-new baby and wife? I barely had enough money to pay my traveling expenses to the different gigs. I just couldn’t afford the extra cost of having a family. Little did I know how much our decision was going to cost me in the future. I would lose my sweetheart, my soul, and finally my peace of mind… I know that Jesus has forgiven me, but it still is very hard for me to forgive myself. I made a choice, a decision that literally destroyed my hopes and dreams as a young man. The zeal I once had for life was replaced with an ache in my heart that just won’t go away.

Do I deserve love? Do I deserve a family? Do I deserve happiness? I’m still searching and I’m still trying to put the pieces together and work things out in my head. Relationships have become hard for me. I just can’t seem to relate to any woman. It’s as if I have this big hole in my heart and no one can fill the void. I’ve dated some very nice ladies, but nothing ever came of those attempts to build a relationship. The fault was theirs; it was mine. So here I am, sitting all alone day after day, month after month, year after year.”

Cheryl Chew Make Me Your Choice: Compelling Personal Stories of Struggle and Healing for Those Who Have Had or Dealt with Abortion (Shippensburg, PA: Destiny Image Publishers Inc., 2006) 51 – 52

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A man who identifies himself only as Ryan says the following:

“I didn’t think of the baby… Not really. Not then. I was in a panic and I wanted out and that was the way I was playing it.

I don’t remember how I finally changed her mind – it took about a week, but I did it. I remember being with her at the clinic, with one of her friends, smoking outside and then driving home thinking, “Thank God it’s over!”

The child would be about 13 or 14 years old now. When I look at our two children, I know there’s supposed to be three. I don’t know if the baby was a boy or a girl. I keep thinking it was a girl, probably because my wife wanted one so badly. Although I still struggle with depression and guilt, I eventually found forgiveness. My wife is not ready to take that step. So I must continue to try and help her bear the burden and make up for the crucial time I failed her.”

“I Still Remember” Human Life Alliance Advertising Supplement Page 11

One man whose wife had an abortion said:

“….the feeling of guilt gnawed away at me, until I had to do what I learned so well in the Army; I hardened my heart and buried my feelings. But I couldn’t keep the lid on them all the time. Just as the buried pain and resentment from my military duty would at times explode like a volcano, so it was with the bitterness about losing the child.”

He broke up with his wife.

“When my wife and I were facing this [decision regarding abortion] we were not getting the facts from the health clinic or the abortion clinic. No one told us that there were long-term effects from abortion. No one told us that many people involved with abortion suffer guilt, depression, and regret long after the abortion itself.”

“A Man’s Viewpoint on Abortion” Great Expectations, Fall 1988, Newsletter of the Rockville (M.D.) pregnancy center, P 1, 4

Read more stories of men’s struggles with abortions here.

Much has been written about the impact abortion has on women, and the depression and grief that often accompanies it. (You can read some stories of women here)

Less has been written about men and abortion. But abortion often effects them as well. In an article in Equire magazine, one man said the following of his experience with abortion.

“Abortion is presented to you as something that is easy to do. It doesn’t take very long. It doesn’t cost very much money nowadays, for a middle-class person. You say, “Well, it’s okay.” But it wasn’t okay. It left a scar, and the scar had to be treated tenderly and worked on in order for us to get on with our lives. I don’t think abortion is easy for anybody. The people who say it’s easy either don’t want to face the pain or they haven’t been through it, because it’s really a tough experience.”

Mark Baker, “Men on Abortion” Esquire, March 1990, 114 to 125. Quoted in Randy Alcorn “Pro-life Answers to Pro-Choice Arguments” (Sisters, Oregon: Multnomah Publishers, 2000)

You can read more testimonies about men here