Category: Men and Abortion

A woman who had an abortion and later regretted it recalled telling her boyfriend that she was pregnant and wanted to abort the baby:

“Once he arrived and we sat down to talk, he began to cry. He was begging me to keep our child. He promised to help me, even if I did not want to be with him. He offered to take the child himself and raise it if I did not want to. I was totally deaf to his plea. For a brief moment, I remember feeling for him as he was obviously in pain over this. How ironic that this young man although, not very much to the world and with little to offer anyone, was begging for his child… I told him I would consider all he had said and he left in no better state than in which he came. I did not speak to him again before the procedure.”

Many years later, she went through a bible study for healing after an abortion:

“I had to ask my child’s father to forgive me for aborting our child. It was maybe the most difficult letter I had ever written to another person. At the time the Internet was not readily accessible to me so it was to be an old-fashioned pen to paper plea for forgiveness.

I wrote my letter. I do not remember the exact contents but I know I was sincere and I remember sobbing as I wrote. It was a bit challenging to find an address for him and so I contacted his sister, who still worked in the same place and she said I could send it to her. She agreed to deliver it to him. I still have no idea if he ever received it. I never heard from him. Years later my oldest daughter Codi dated his first cousin. It was …. sad to hear that his life had been a mess full of time in jail, drugs, etc. I started to feel somewhat responsible, but God reminded me that I had given it all to him. I silently prayed for him one night and I let it go.”

Stacy Sistrunk Killing Sarah Grace: The Aftermath of Abortion (Revelazion Publishing Company, 2018) 43, 90 – 91

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Bill came with his partner to an abortion clinic and watched a video they showed. After seeing it he said:

“They showed a film; I was surprised at the brevity of the procedure, and the seeming painlessness.”

But after the procedure, he said:

“Looking back on it, it was a lot more painful than I thought it would be. Mentally painful. The emotions were very strange. I don’t think I’ve ever felt that way before.

We talked about it some after, but not much. Didn’t seem like there was a whole lot to say.

I think things changed between us in a very subtle way. I felt resentment toward her. Maybe she felt the same way about me.”

Carole Dornblaser and Uta Landy, PhD The Abortion Guide: A Handbook for Women and Men (Rockville Center, New York: Playboy Paperbacks 1982) 83

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A man named Mike was interviewed while his partner was having an abortion. His baby was being killed in another room.

“You know, you see this stuff in the news where a father’s beatin’ hell out of his kids, or somebody’s found a baby in a trashcan or somethin’. That’s a life. Kim is seven weeks along. I don’t think the baby’s formed at seven weeks. So she’s havin’ an abortion. I’d rather see that then see a child layin’ in the trashcan…

And I don’t want to give the child up. If I was goin’ to have it, I’d have it and keep it myself. If you give it up you don’t know where it’s goin’, and I don’t care to see my child gettin’ into somebody else’s hands.

So we sat down and talked about it. I said, “You better look at it for one thing. You’re not gonna be able to work when you’re about seven months along and then you’d have a baby there. You have to have somebody to babysit.” There’s a lot of things that people don’t know before having babies. So we talked it over and that, and she thought maybe she wanted to have it, a baby, but I told her there’s a lot more to havin’ child than that…

I never thought about abortion before. I’ve seen this antiabortion stuff, but I never paid no attention to it. Then I found out she was pregnant and it hit right away. Maybe have an abortion. So I talked to my sister, she’s a nurse, and she knows her stuff pretty good. She was tellin’ me, she said, it’s not uncommon. She said, “You gotta know what you want to do, but if you don’t want to raise a child, that’s a good choice.”

You know I really like this program; this is really nice. They took us to the first film about birth control, and then they took us to the one where it showed how it’s going to be done. It really set us straight; I was really interested. Boy, Kim had butterflies a lot when we first came this mornin’, but now that we went through all those programs and seen all those films, she really straightened out.”

Carole Dornblaser and Uta Landy, PhD The Abortion Guide: A Handbook for Women and Men (Rockville Center, New York: Playboy Paperbacks 1982) 87 – 88

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Tom, whose girlfriend is having an abortion, said:

“The women here mostly looked distressed, worried, sad. But the men all looked different. One looked sorrowful, one looked guilty, one angry; one was asleep, one absent. The man’s part in an abortion is defined by uncertainty. In the absence of positive role models (if such role models are conceivable) and clear feedback of any kind, I felt very much alone with my feelings.

How am I supposed to respond to all this? I wondered at the time. I didn’t like the apparent emotional choices offered by the men around me, and the grave waiting lounge implicitly forbade conversation with anyone but the person with whom you had come.

I felt uncomfortable, awkward, out of place, but I also felt I should be there. I couldn’t bring myself to share these qualms with my girl. She was having the operation, after all. How could I complain about my mere uneasiness when she was about to go through the physical discomfort of an abortion?”’

Carole Dornblaser and Uta Landy, PhD The Abortion Guide: A Handbook for Women and Men (Rockville Center, New York: Playboy Paperbacks 1982) 79

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A man named Randy tells his story:

“I was just devastated. I remember falling off my bed …and I couldn’t get up. I thought I’d lost my mind. At that point, I was totally destroyed. Everything I believed in – that good triumphs over evil – was destroyed. My baby was sentenced to be killed for no purpose and it made no sense to me. You have to understand… I know that I’m a father. And I know you’re going to take my child (whom I love, want, and would die for), tear it to pieces and throw it in the garbage. Now, you really don’t believe those things happen.”

John Stanhope “The Other Parent: How Abortion Affects Men” Faith Today May/June 1988

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The Guardian ran a letter from a 25-year-old man who spoke about his partners abortion:

“I was in a relationship with an amazing woman for two of the happiest years of my life. Then we had an unplanned pregnancy. We decided to have the child together; I have a good job and I could have supported us both, and we loved each other.

Then she decided she wasn’t ready for the whole situation, almost three months into the pregnancy…. Personally, I’m against the idea of abortion – I was raised as a strict Catholic – but I always conceded it was a woman’s prerogative. …I was against the abortion but I loved my girlfriend and supported her….

Three months after the operation, we broke up, and I haven’t been able to sustain a relationship since. It has been almost a year. I have no problems attracting women but I just can’t bring myself to start a new relationship. I’m starting to worry whether it’s something I just won’t be able to get over before it’s too late.”

“My girlfriend had an abortion and we split up, but I can’t move on” The Guardian December 5, 2014

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Pastor Shane Idleman describes losing a child to abortion:

“Approximately 22 years ago, as a prodigal, I conceded to my girlfriend’s request to abort our child around the 5th week. The pain of that decision still haunts me today.

What would my child look like? Was it a boy or a girl? I can picture walking and talking with my child…watching his or her first steps…holding them when they cry and rejoicing with them when they succeed. But these are just dreams in my mind; dreams that often leave me heartbroken.

Regret is one of the hardest pains because it is a constant reminder that we failed.”

Shane Idleman “My Child Would Have Been 22 This Year” Focus on the Family

visited 2/10/2018

 

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A man named Charles whose partner had an abortion says:

“I knew what was going to happen wasn’t really up to me. So it was obviously one of the most powerless moments of my life — by a longshot. And feeling powerless about something that’s very much a part of you makes you feel very alone…..

I had a good idea of what was medically involved in an abortion, but I definitely wasn’t prepared for how I’d feel or how to process that feeling. Watching my half-sister grow up, who was a year older than this baby would’ve been, would sometimes remind me that another reality could’ve played out….Talking about how I was feeling seemed impossible….”

Angelina Chapin “8 Men on What It Was Like When Their Partner Had an Abortion” Mel Here

visited 10/2/2017

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A man named Rodolfo Parra shares his feelings about the child he and his partner aborted:

“We broke up about six months later, but the abortion haunted me for a long time. When I was younger, I’d get high and think of the kid I could’ve had. It messed with me horribly — I felt like the biggest piece of shit in the world. That kid would be seven or eight now. What if they were a straight-A student and went on to do something amazing? Part of me still feels like a coward….

I’m pro-choice, but I feel completely selfish that I thought more about how I would pay for the abortion than a potential life that could have impacted so many others. Maybe all we had to do was struggle to make it work, but instead, we chose to not even try. I still don’t think I ever deserve to have another kid. I’ll adopt going forward because I feel that I’ve lost my privilege to help create a life.”

Angelina Chapin “8 Men on What It Was Like When Their Partner Had an Abortion” Mel

visited 10/2/2017

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