“I have thought about you so often. Something tells me that you would have been a girl. You would have been born in March 1964. Though, it’s been at least forty one years since I had contact with your mother before she aborted you, it seems only yesterday that my psyche wrestled with the loss of you. I miss you so very much dearest child, because I never had the opportunity to know you.
You have a younger half brother, who I am certain would have wanted you as his older sister. He is now a grown man in his thirties. At the present time, he has no knowledge of you because in some ways, it would be too painful to tell him about you though he might eventually understand. However, my heart aches when I think of you, and it’s difficult to share that pain.
It was not your fault that you were not born, because you had every right to come into this world…. The conception of you, however, was tragically based, not on trust and commitment, instead, it was predicated upon irresponsible behavior by two young adults who at one time professed their love for one another yet, who, in actuality, were selfish, self centered, disingenuous….Unfortunately, your mother and I were overwhelmed by our immaturity and lack of responsibility.
Sadly my child, this is the venue in which you were conceived. I ask now your forgiveness for both your mother and me…Your death made me feel so disconsolate, unclean, and unworthy for a long time. I have also forgiven your mother’s parents, who agreed to the abortion of what would have been their grandchild, and took your mother to have it done. Yet, even after all these years, I wonder how your mother and her parents really felt after the abortion, and if they realized what their selfishness had done to people’s lives?…
I left California to start a new life shortly after your mother ended her pregnancy. I have not seen her since before she had her abortion. Quite often dear child, I have wished that she and I could have transcended the bitterness, fear and anger that came upon us during the pregnancy and, and instead have reached out to comfort one another, and to have done the right thing however, it unfortunately did not happen. I think that down deep in her psyche your mother knew that having an abortion was inimical to God’s will, but thought that blaming me for her decision would justify her action, and mitigate her pain. If she had only known that my pain for the loss of you was almost every bit as devastating and incomprehensible as hers might have been, she may have realized that aborting you was not the answer. My darling child, I still love your mother even after these many years because for a while she represented so many good things to me, and also, if for no other reason than for the fact that for a very short time, she carried a gift from God. That gift was you….
My faith is secure that you are happy, but please know how much I miss you. I thank the Lord that I was your father and as far as I am concerned I am still your father. I plan to hold a short, private memorial service for you at my church….I will symbolically bury you, but will always have your spirit in my heart. I hope to see you someday in Heaven along with other loved family members and friends. Thank you for always having been my child.
I love you so very much,
Dad”
