Eight years ago this month, I aborted my son, Jacob Matthew, at seventeen weeks. At the time, I was in an abusive marriage. My former husband had moved in with another woman, leaving me alone and pregnant.He manipulated me into thinking I couldn’t raise our son alone, and that my pregnancy would “destroy my body.”
He convinced me that I would be alone forever if I carried the baby to term. I believed every word of it. In desperation and anger, I made the decision to have an abortion. through the efforts and advice of my division officer (I was in the military), friends, and even my father, “I would rather you have an abortion than place my grandson for adoption,” I was lead to believe it was the best “choice” for everyone. I thought it was even the best decision for my son, who had no chance to voice an opinion. I fell for the planned parenthood lies about adoption. I didn’t want to give my baby away. The “counselor” at the clinic told me I was smart for taking “power” and “control” of my life. They never told me how any of the risks about abortion by dilation and extraction. they never mentioned that I may have complications in later pregnancies, or become sterile altogether. They never told how much abortion would hurt me, emotionally and physically. And, of course, they never once mentioned what was going to be done to my unborn son. By taking “power” and “control” of my life and having an abortion, I lost control. Upon waking up in the clinic, I realized the horrid mistake I had made and the finality of what I had done. I immediately wanted to feel my baby inside me and felt instead only a sick emptiness in my gut. The room was full of crying, hysterical girls. There was no comforting reassurance from the cold nurses who, only the day before, had been smiling and cheerful, only a “hurry up and get out of here” attitude. I felt abused and used and dirty. That feeling only got worse when I returned to work without a pregnant belly to the astonished questions of coworkers. The days and weeks went by, but life got no better. The father came home and in desperation, I tried to have another baby right away to replace Jacob. The second pregnancy ended in miscarriage, the third was complicated by a bowel obstruction from scarring caused by the abortion. I had major surgery at six months pregnant, almost died, and almost lost my daughter. Amazingly, the doctors offered to “compassionately” abort my child and let her “die peacefully in my arms.” I refused to sign any paperwork allowing this. Three months later, I deliver a healthy baby girl, my only child by emergency c-section. I could never deliver her normally, the abortion damaged my cervix so I couldn’t dilate. Another pregnancy following was an ectopic, a direct result of the scarring caused by abortion. I lost the baby and had a hysterectomy at the age of twenty-seven. My daughter was only a year old. I can’t have any more children, thanks to my “choice.” I can’t describe how abortion altered, almost destroyed my life. I spent years in denial and guilt, sleepless with nightmares, and emotional problems. I was in and out of professional therapy, thought of suicide and had severe problems with relationships. The father of my aborted child and my living daughter left my life shortly after her birth. I ended up a single parent anyway! However, I found I can do it, and I could have kept and raised my son too. When I learned, years later, what I had a hand in doing to my son, the pain he must have felt, I was devastated and wanted to die as well. It was only through counseling and Christ that I was able to overcome that time. Today, I am remarried to a man who adopted my daughter and we have adopted a newborn baby boy whose mother chose life. I thank God for both of them each day. My advice to anyone being pressured to abort is never, never let another person persuade you into thinking that is the only available choice. How can anyone claim to care, love, or want the best for you and ask you to abort the life of your precious child? How can they love you and put you in harm’s way? No one who would have their pregnant wife, girlfriend, or daughter cares about what is best. They are truly only thinking of themselves. Plenty of people have unplanned babies. I have yet to hear of one mother who wishes she’d aborted her children after they are born. I wish I had never set foot in a planned parenthood clinic. I will tell anyone who asks the truth, abortion destroys women. It doesn’t empower them or help them. Abortion destroys lives, mothers, children, and families. I will forever regret buying into the lie.
sincerely,
Lorraine
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