Woman Suffers Grief and Guilt after Her Abortions

I had one (abortion) when I was 16 and one when I was 20. I had the same boyfriend for almost 6 years, from the time I was 14-20. He was 3 years older than I was, a psychology major and he knew my stepfather hated me. He always held me and told me how much he loved me and wanted to marry me, but not when I became pregnant. Then he said he would never see me again and would tell everyone they weren’t his and hand my mother money to pay for the abortions. My mother made the appointment for the first one and took me. I finally got out of this relationship when I packed up my car and left NY and moved to WY right after my second one.

(The abortion) was a painful and miserable surprise. I was crying in the waiting room before the abortion, so they put me in a separate room to wait because they said I was scaring the other girls.

Terrible emotional pains and shame (followed) that I had no idea at the origin of. Abortion became legal right before I had mine and my boyfriend used this to make it seem ok. He said intelligent people make these laws, they wouldnt say it was all right if it wasn’t.

I went to a Pace Bible Study; after my second child was born with Hyaline membrane disease and is deaf as a result. I felt God was especially angry with me for my second abortion. When I had a third healthy child (a son) and it was the most wonderful feeling of my entire life. I did not go to PACE until after my third child was born nine years after my second abortion. Up until then I just felt like I had a terrible secret and like I was playing at being respectable and I dont think Ill ever like myself as much as I could have. I know God has forgiven me. I know sex is not love in itself, especially if it is destructive and I will teach my children to abstain.

Thank you for stopping people from having abortions. There was no opposition whatsoever when I had mine. All I had was guilt that I had been bad and the feeling that this (the abortion) would make it right. No one points out that either way a person goes it is a decision that stays with them all their life. I think I could live with myself a lot easier having given a child up for adoption. Abortion doesn’t make the baby go away, it just makes a dead baby.

I truly wish this activity would teach us to abstain till marriage. Men and boys included. I don’t think boys should be taught to sow their oats because girls never think of themselves in this way. I also know that I was in love and that if I didn’t “do it with him” someone else would.

Growing up in NY in the 70s, in high school there were a lot more girls that would, than wouldn’t. Girls should not be brought up with Cinderella stories because it makes us more vulnerable to exploitation. We need to teach our children that sex is biological and should not be confused with love. (It is a small part of love). I also think that if I had had the babies I would’ve grown up a lot sooner. I feel my life was greatly altered.

 

 

 

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Woman who Aborted in 1970: There Will Always Be a Gap In My Family

In 1970 when I was 16 years old, I became pregnant. The doctor who told me I was pregnant said he didn’t do abortions but gave me the number of a doctor that did. I was appalled that he would refer me to an abortionist. I finally found the nerve to tell my mother. She asked me if I wanted a baby. I was hysterical. I told her I was too young to be a mother. My mother told me they had a new medical procedure where they suction you out and you’re no longer pregnant. This was the answer. My mom’s OBGYN examined me, sent me to a psychiatrist and scheduled a D & C. The OBGYN told me I was not physically able to carry a child. The psychiatrist said I was not emotionally ready. My mother never said another word. My boyfriend sold his motorcycle to pay for my medical procedure. I was ready for this to be done.

I checked into the hospital. I was in a ward with about six other women. The nurse came in and said to me you’re too young to be pregnant. Somebody in the ward used the word abortion and I just about fainted. I couldn’t believe I was going to have an abortion. I was there to get a medical procedure.

I laid in my bed and I prayed to God. I asked him to give me a sign if I was doing the wrong thing. I asked him to start a fire or something drastic. I asked him to make the doctor not show up. I wanted to change my mind. I wanted out but I was afraid to inconvenience the doctor. My boyfriend had sold his motorcycle. I was afraid I’d disappoint everyone. The next morning they woke me up, gave me an IV to put me out and killed my baby. I went home and became depressed. I didn’t want to go back to school. I finished the last month of 11th grade and never went back.

I finished high school at adult education. I felt my childhood was gone. I have had horrible unexplained depression. I am currently on 2 medications to prevent depression. I have had 3 wonderful children by the father of my aborted baby. But when I look at my family this is what I see . . . There will always be a space between me and [my oldest living child] because that is where my oldest child should be. I can never shake the horror of it all. I now work at a Crisis Pregnancy Center to try and help just one teenager or young woman who needs a hand.

 

 

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Abortion Was the Worst Experience of My Life, Says Woman

First abortion was ten years ago – boyfriend – previous year my kidney had quit (I only have one), and dr. said pregnancy may damage it. Boyfriend was present but didn’t seem emotionally involved. Second abortion was one year ago. I have two children They are very active and I felt I could not mentally handle another child. Finances were also a consideration. Our house is too small for 4 of us now. My husband went with me but really had nothing to say in the decision.

The first was scary and emotional – the boyfriend left me after 3 months.

The second was horrible as I was almost 4 months and didn’t know it. It was a two day procedure with blood being wiped from the walls when everything was done. Baby was successfully gotten rid of. It was a horrible horrible experience and I never should have been allowed to kill my unborn child.

The second has taught me about life and the termination of an unwanted pregnancy is wrong!!!!

I have been in therapy since immediately after the abortion. I am still trying to cope with the awful thing I did. I am involved with a post-abortion support group as well. Christianity helps in dealing with the death and in trying to forgive myself for my actions.

I am always wondering how this child would have been – a girl? a boy? Would he/she have looked like my boys? One year has passed since I did this awful thing and the birth would have been one year summer 1990. I also think about the first abortion and the age of the child now – 9 years old. These dates will be with me forever and neither child can ever be replaced.

I have thought about having a third child, but our family situation, (finances, house, etc.) remain the same. My husband still does not talk about the abortion.

It was the worst experience of my life and I will never forget what I did.

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Woman Gets Involved in Pro-Life Activities after an Abortion She Regrets

I was in college when I had my abortion, a Sophomore (1982). I was dating a boy, and we became sexually active. Talk of contraceptives never passed our lips. When I became pregnant I was terrified. I was a Catholic and my parents were very good pro-life Catholics. I was horrified that my fornication would be discovered by my family, but also the boy who “loved” me said he would kill himself if I didn’t have an abortion. I felt as if there were no one to talk with. It was the worst point in my short life (19). The few “friends” I talked to didn’t try to talk me out of the scheduled abortion. I was crazy not to turn to my family because that abortion has changed my life forever. Well anyway, a “friend” drove me to the clinic where I paid my own $250 cash.

The nice nurse (“Christian herself”) led me into the room and I started crying. (I’m crying now as I write this.) I said, “God will never forgive me.” She said, “God will forgive you, this is just what you must do right now.” Or something to the affect that “God would forgive me.” I cried the whole procedure, not from the physical pain (there was little) but from the emotional pain, I was killing my child. I wasn’t dumb, I knew it was a baby, I studied biology, I had done pro-life speeches before. I turned my back on my own morals and beliefs, all because of this boy and my (our) sin (premarital sex). What happened to the boy? Before the abortion I broke up with him. I couldn’t stand being with him as he was the main force in the destruction of our baby.

Emotionally I was a wreck after the abortion. I began binging on food to stop the pain, or punish myself. I would never be able to feel good about myself because of my sin and I didn’t deserve happiness, I told myself. I went to a psychologist over the summer but they don’t help. I went to confession and knew God had forgiven me, but could I? My parents never found out (it is now 8 years later). I think they knew something was wrong that summer, but they never asked, or they did and I kept it in. Slowly I began to heal because I knew I did not want other girls to go through the pain of abortion as I had. I got involved with Birthright in my college town. I was so happy to save a baby’s life one time (thanks God) but I cried because I had destroyed my own baby’s life.

I planned to join my college pro-life group (Jan. 1983). I did and became friends with the leader, a wonderful Christian (Catholic) man who had fought against abortion since high school. I had never wanted to date again and told this boy that when he became interested in me. I shared my life with him (even pre-marital sex) up to the abortion. Finally he wrote me a note asking me if I had ever had an abortion. As I read that letter he could tell by the look on my face that I had. Well, to make a long story short, after a lot of pain we stayed together. We will have our 6th anniversary in June and we have 3 wonderful children (3 1/2, 2 and 6 1/2 months). The abortion has affected our marital life. He has forgiven me and loves me deeply, but he feels a great hurt inside. I think of my child almost daily. There is always a pain inside my heart. It is less pain than 5 years ago, three years ago or even last year, but it won’t go away. I continually say, “What if.” I’m sorry Karen, there are no more “What ifs.”

God helped me get through much of the pain. I know he has forgiven me but can I ever forgive myself knowing what I did was so wrong? Six months after the abortion I got involved with Birthright and since then I have done various pro-life activitiespicketing, counseling, letter writing.

It helps to know that I’ve helped other girls in crisis situations. It helps to know that I’m trying to do something to stop abortion. I’m convicted of helping the unborn and other defenseless humans. With God’s help abortion will stop and we women will continue to mend.

Abortion’s nasty sting will always be in my heart. My friends don’t know. Family doesn’t know and I will never tell my children. In ways, I feel so deceitful. I have to keep this horrible action inside while other people tell me “You have a place in heaven” for some of my other Christian actions. Premarital sex has negatively influenced my sexual life with my husband. Finally, after 6 years I truly enjoy sex. I won’t be content just letting abortion go on, I will fight daily to help stop this murder.

Sorry this is so long. You may use my story, but please don’t use my name. I’m not ready to tell family yet. God be with you as you work for this project. Oh, I also wanted to say that I pray often for the conversion of my old boyfriend that he will seek peace with God. I have no idea what he’s doing, but I pray for him. Men need healing too.

Note: Religious beliefs expressed in testimonies are not necessarily endorsed by site owner.

 

 

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Postabortion Woman: I Will Forever Grieve

From a collection of first-hand testimonies from women. These were gathered from a survey done by Priests for Life. They can be found on the Priests for Life website.

I was unmarried and living with my boyfriend when I got pregnant. His parents did not know we were living together and I decided against marriage at the time, although my boyfriend said we could get married. Ironically we married 4 months after the abortion and have been married for 10 years. I had the abortion for convenience and to save face for not “having to get married because I was pregnant.”

They mentioned some risks (which I was surprised at). They also tried to counsel but it was very poor counseling. The counselor decided after about a minute that I truly did want an abortion and did not try to convince me of any other options. I had minimal cramps afterward.

It wasn’t until 3 years after the abortion (when I became a Christian and having just experienced a current pregnancy and delivery) that [I realized] what I had done earlier was murder. I cried a lot, thought about my baby a lot, mood swings, typical PAS. It’s been 10 years and only through the forgiveness and grace of God can I talk about it. I will forever be sorry for my decision to abort.

My husband has not been affected as I have, although he, too, now believes abortion is wrong. The only relief from the grief comes from God and over a period of time he has helped me grow to help me forgive myself. I know he already has. I am also involved in Pro-Life organizations and work at CPC to counsel girls who are in the same position I was once in.

I will forever grieve for the child that I killed. I have an ache in my heart for that child and all the others who have been killed. I think God used the horrible reality of abortion to draw me to him and show me faith.

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Abortionist on Women’s Feelings Postabortion

Dr. Suzanne T. Poppema is a nationally-known abortionist who wrote a book entitled Why I am an Abortion Doctor.
From her book:

“We hear from many women that the grieving process actually ends by the time they leave the office. This is because the vast majority of women feel relieved at the end of the procedure. They can go on with their lives, which is precisely why they come to us. No matter how women choose to work through accompanying their decision to abort, the fact remains that they seek us of their own volition. Those who don’t come in to abortion clinics obviously have made the choice my husband and I made when we decided to have our children. Whatever their reason for either decision, their choice requires no explanation, much less an apology.”

Poppema acknowledges that some women cry in the clinic. She ascribes these women’s tears to relief and being moved at the kindness they are shown in her clinic.

Suzanne T. Poppema and Mike Henderson, Why I am an Abortion Doctor (Amherst, NY: Prometheus Books) 1996 p 127

Is this true? Do women  seldom regret their abortions? .Read some testimonies of actual women here

Read about mental health studies of women who had abortions here

 

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Postabortion Woman: “I Aborted My Only Child”

From a collection of first-hand testimonies from women. These were gathered from a survey done by Priests for Life. They can be found on the Priests for Life website.

I found myself pregnant at the age of 36. I was single and working. The fellow who was the father arranged for an abortion and he paid for it. The doctor was a general practitioner and he performed the abortion “after hours” in an upstairs room. I was about 6-7 weeks pregnant. He gave me general anesthesia. After it was over, he gave me several pills (antibiotics, I assume). I checked with my gynecologist later to make sure everything was O.K.
About five years later, I married my husband. I was 41 1/2 years old. I never conceived. We tried to adopt, but it didn’t work out. I am now 66 years old and childless. I still mourn for my child. You could say I aborted my only child!

My husband and I are active pro-lifers. We picket, write letters, make phone calls, have pro-life stickers on our vehicles, and my husband has “rescued” twice.

I have asked God and my child for forgiveness. So that’s my sad story. If one is a caring person, one never forgets.

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Postabortion Women: It Affected the Relationships in My Life

From a collection of first-hand testimonies from women. These were gathered from a survey done by Priests for Life. They can be found on the Priests for Life website.

I was unwed, scared and had no support. My doctor, my boyfriends (I had two abortions and different boyfriends for each one), my friends and Planned Parenthood (were involved).

The first (abortion) was painless because I was “put under,” however I bled for about 3 months afterwards, not heavily but constantly and I never had normal periods after that. The second one was horrible, the pain was like that of giving birth and I had an infection after that one.

It affected my relations with my first husband because he was one of the fathers; we divorced. It affected the marriage to my second husband because he too was a father.

It has even affected my relationship with my Mom. I have a little boy of 5 and it has caused me to treat him differently. I lived in fear when he was first born that he would be taken from me by God. I’m also having trouble bonding with him.

I got right with God first off. Then I started talking about it first to friends. Then to groups, churches on TV and articles. I help fight against abortion by being a member of Right To Life, Open Arms.

I don’t know that I would have near the conviction to fight against (abortion) if I had not experienced it. Also, I believe the abortions have caused me to be infertile and to have problems carrying to term. I also blame my cancer on my abortions. I’ve just had too many problems physically to not question the link between the abortions and my problems

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Postabortion Woman: “I Felt at the Time It Was the Only Answer”

From a collection of first-hand testimonies from women. These were gathered from a survey done by Priests for Life. They can be found on the Priests for Life website.

I was unmarried at 19 years old. My mother and boyfriend knew that I wanted to have an abortion. I felt at the time it was the only answer.

I was in the hospital at 8:00 AM. I believe that I had a suction abortion.

I didn’t want to talk about it. My sister became pregnant and kept her baby. She didn’t know that I had an abortion.

I do talk about it now. And my family feels sad about it.

I went to a therapist for 3 years off and on. I finally joined a post abortion support group. It helped a lot. I’ve been dealing with it daily. I like myself again.

I felt so bad about my choice to abort. I didn’t know what it would [do] to my life. I was mentally a wreck. I can see hope of total healing for me. It will be a while before then.

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Woman Still Mourns Abortions She Had in the 1960s

From a collection of first-hand testimonies from women. These were gathered from a survey done by Priests for Life. They can be found on the Priests for Life website.

My family Doctor had referred me to a Psychiatrist in 1963, and when I became pregnant in 1965, they said I couldn’t have the baby because of the stress involved and reminded me of the 4 kids I already had. I don’t remember ANY of that abortion. In 1967, another pregnancy and Drs. said the same thing, except for the Psychiatrist who said I could make it. The other one, and my family Dr., and Pastor, urged me to abort, but I fought them off until the 12th week. Finally I had [an] abortion.

I felt cheated and violated and angry and after recovery (I had a tubal ligation after that one), I went to my 2nd mental hospital, where after 30 days my husband was told I’d probably never come home again. I was out in 6 months.
I made up my mind to forgive myself and others, and over time I’ve learned to live with the fact that I took 2 human lives, but not a day has gone by that I haven’t thought about those 2 babies and wondered about them. I also dream about babies A LOT – and have since I had my abortions.

My Dr. told me those pregnancies consisted only of “blobs – not real babies.” Just a few years prior to that he told me my Father was dead because he had no brain waves – (no electrical activity showed up on the EEG after his stoke) – Those babies I aborted had brain waves according to the medical articles I’ve read, yet he said they weren’t alive.

It just doesn’t make sense.

I’ve often resented the lack of information given to me by my Doctor. It wasn’t anywhere near adequate. Had I gotten it I’d have never agreed to those abortions.

They showed me how dependant on other people’s opinions I was, and I realized how much of a people pleaser I’ve always been, and how I had put Doctors on a pedestal and thought of them as “Gods.” I’m a more aware person now and more assertive and “challenging” where Drs. are concerned.

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