From one woman who had an abortion, Mariana:
“I was absolutely thrilled when I discovered I was pregnant while Pierre, my lover, was away on holiday with his family. Part of my pleasure stemmed from the sheer joy of realizing that my body worked in the right way… When Pierre returned from his vacation, he was first thrilled to learn I was pregnant. He asked me to live with him, saying that he would leave his wife and children for me…
A few days later, the reality of his commitment to me set in and he asked me to have an abortion. …
I found myself in a very precarious position. If I had the baby, I would have nowhere to live and no means of supporting myself and a child, but if I had an abortion, I could live with either my sister or Pierre. The whole situation made me very angry. I was very angry at the people close to me whom I felt had deserted me, but I was also angry at myself for being 32 years old and not responsible enough to be able to have my baby and support it myself.
I decided to have an abortion, but with a great fuss. I made the appointment and then I canceled it.… In the end, I made the appointment at the Marie Stopes Clinic and Pierre and I went together…
When we went to the clinic, I was praying all the way there that he would say it was alright… That I didn’t have to have the abortion and he would help me.…
I had so many mixed feelings as I lay on the operating table waiting for the anesthetist. I didn’t want the abortion right up to the last minute before I lost consciousness…
She later says:
A lot of my anger at the time and even now is against myself rather than him, for not being independent in that time of crisis.
Each anniversary of the abortion since then I have been progressively more upset about the abortion. That’s the strange contradiction which only those who had an abortion can understand… The sense of loss increases with time rather than decreases.”
Miriam Claire The Abortion Dilemma: Personal Views on a Public Issue (New York: Insight Books, 2013) 106-111
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