I was 20 years old, a junior in college. When I found out I was pregnant I went to the only school counselor at this small college. When I told her my situation, she almost immediately gave me literature on abortion clinics and was very encouraging toward abortion. I barely thought of other options. A girlfriend who was supportive through this was encouraging abortion as the best thing. The father didn’t consider anything else as I told him I was pregnant and needed an abortion. He paid for it but wasn’t present. We had just broken up before I found out that I was pregnant.
The clinic said it wouldn’t be painful — just like menstrual cramps. What a lie! I cried and almost screamed a few times, but they told me not to make noise because I would scare the others that were waiting. As soon as it was over, as I sat in the recovery room, I felt like I was dying — physically. That passed after awhile, but the next day, I felt like I was dying emotionally. I hated myself for what I had done, and felt such emptiness that I had never experienced before or since then.
I began to resent and almost hate the father. We had started dating again and it was never the same. I kept throwing it in his face and was actually trying to get him to feel bad about what we had done, but I don’t think he ever did. After on and off dating, I broke it off for good. Four days after the abortion, I got a headache that lasted all day, non-stop for about 2 months and then started letting up only occasionally throughout the day. My grades dropped drastically. I couldn’t concentrate at all anymore on studies or pay attention in class. My mind was never on any particular thought — I wasn’t concentrating on anything. My friendship with my supportive girlfriend fell apart, too. Although I didn’t realize it at the time, I didn’t want to be around her or even look at her, for she reminded me of what I had done, and I resented her. These thoughts weren’t conscious at the time, I just felt uncomfortable around her and didn’t know why.
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