Jacinta had an abortion. She tells her story of seven years of grief:
“The pain and despair I felt for the past seven years has been my own private hell. I didn’t realize that my behavior for those past seven years was due to the suppression of the pain and guilt I felt from the moment I knew I was pregnant… When I told the father of the baby he was cold and uncaring. He just told me it’s not a baby and it’s just a bunch of cells and that I’m going to have to get rid of it before it was too late. My heart and mind just were so torn, I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to have an abortion! It was his idea, and I felt that I couldn’t have this baby when he didn’t want it.
He told me that I would destroy his life by keeping this baby. He made me feel so guilty that I felt I had no other alternative but to abort my precious baby… I held my belly and told my precious baby it will be okay. I won’t let anything happen to you. I love you.
Two days later I broke my promise to my precious baby. My partner had badgered me to the point I couldn’t deal with him anymore and the baby was the innocent victim in all this.
The hardest thing for me to accept for seven years was that I couldn’t and didn’t fight for my baby. The day that my baby died was a day I’ll remember forever in its entirety. My partner bought me flowers the night before to try and say sorry for putting me through this life-changing event.
At the clinic two days prior to booking me in for the abortion, my partner told me to lie about everything so they wouldn’t suspect I completely disagreed with having the abortion or they may not allow me to have it. The way I was treated I could’ve said anything and they still would’ve booked me in for the abortion. I did as I was asked and lied to the counselor who had only graduated five weeks prior and wasn’t much older than I was, namely 22 years. I saw no way of changing the situation. In fact the pain and shame I felt has now been suppressed for seven years and it has been so strong it resulted in me having three breakdowns, a lost relationship, lost career.… I was consumed with my partner and making him happy, his happiness at the expense of my sanity and self-respect.”
Anne R Lastman Redeeming Grief: Abortion and Its Pain (Balwyn, Vic: Australia: Gracewing, 2013) 208 – 209Share on Facebook