Woman after her abortion: ‘what have I done?’

Susan M Stanford–Rue tells the story of her abortion:

“I glanced at the nurse’s face as we walked down the silent corridor. She looked bored, or sullen, evidently not interested in carrying on any conversation… I could not help feeling that I was suddenly just a number, part of a routine.

She led me into a small room similar to the gynecological examining rooms I’d been in during routine checkups in the past. The smell of medical disinfectant was heavy. On one side was a counter with various medical instruments and rolls of gauze. I would not allow my eyes to take in the sight.

“Lie down,” the nurse said, not gruffly, but as if I were a child. “The doctor will be with you in a few minutes.”

I slid myself onto the narrow bed, which had stirrups at the lower end… Don’t think. Don’t feel, I said over and over and over. Just be strong enough to get through. Hang in there and it’ll be over. Be strong.

In a minute the door opened and I turned my head as the doctor walked in…

“There will be some pain,” he acknowledged. “Let me know if it gets to be too much.”…

I nodded mutely.…

I could feel the tube being inserted, and then a burning sensation that turned at once into intense pain. Throughout my abdomen I was in agony. Clenching my fists and teeth, I determined to bear the pain and not cry out. For some minutes I could hear the doctor moving about. Perspiration collected on my upper lip and forehead.

At last he said, “I’m going to turn on the machine now. In a few minutes, it will all be over.”

In a few minutes. Over. Could I hold on that long? There was no backing out now.

The machine was humming suddenly with a dull sucking sound. My abdomen cramped and the pain in my uterus was nearly unbearable. The mechanical whine went on and on. My breath came in shallow, panting gasps, and I thought I would hyperventilate. Biting my lip, I tried to find some spot in a distant corner of my mind where I could hide from the hurt. Don’t think, don’t think, don’t think…

When I thought I could not stand the pain and the whine of the machine another moment, the sound stopped. In the silent seconds that followed, something like an electric shock went through me – an overwhelming sense of disbelief at what I had just done. If only I could hold onto the thought that nothing had formed yet…

The nurse asked [the doctor] something and I barely overheard him say, “Oh, it looks like about 6 or 7 weeks.”

I started. 6 or 7 weeks?… I had not expected that. As long as I could think of it as a “clump of cells” it was not quite so awful.…

Actual photo of a pre-born baby at 6 weeks

Actual photo of a pre-born baby at 6 weeks

I had seen textbook pictures of infants in utero. At that stage the fetus had already started to take definitive shape – It’s heart had begun beating and it had fingers and toes. What had I done?”

Susan M Stanford–Rue, PhD Will I Cry Tomorrow? Healing Post–Abortion Trauma (Old Tappan, New Jersey: Fleming H Revell Company, PowerBooks, 1990) 68 – 71

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OB/GYN comments on “surprising” number of legal abortion deaths

Shortly after abortions legalization, a prominent OB/GYN admitted that the death rate from legal abortion was high:

“The surprising number of maternal deaths and near deaths following legal abortion complications should alert all who do these operations that they are not to be undertaken without the same degree of preoperative evaluation and postoperative care rendered to other gynecologic procedures.”

Deaths and Near Deaths with Legal Abortions, MJ Bulfin, presented at the ACOG Convention, October 28, 1975

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Mother of disabled child forced to defend having her baby

“Brenda” has a disabled child:

“That’s the bad part: that people can say to you, “You didn’t have the tests?” Or “Why didn’t you have the tests?” You have to justify why you’ve brought a disabled child into the world!”

A Brookes “We’ve Got a Problem!” Women and Prenatal Diagnosis: Difficult Decisions” Doctoral Dissertation, Deakin University, Australia

Quoted in Melinda Tankard Reist Defiant Birth: Women Who Resist Medical Eugenics (North Melbourne, Australia: Spinifex, 2006)

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Pro-choice activist on why abortion laws were changed

Karen Stamm, pro-choice activist:

“[W] e must be aware that the [abortion] laws have not been changed for [women’s] benefit, but so the government can have control over the population.”

Karen Stamm “The Master’s Plan” Abortion Task Force Folder, March 1981

Mary Ziegler After Roe: The Lost History of the Abortion Debate (Cambridge, Massachusetts: Harvard University Press, 2015) 142

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Rape victim “so glad” she didn’t abort

This testimony about a woman who had a child conceived in rape can be found in its entirety here. 

“I had been raped while under the influence of pain meds and now I’m pregnant. Some kind of sick, cruel joke. I just can’t be. I had just fallen into the category of women I said that was okay to have an abortion. I was raped and carrying his child. I had made no choice in the matter, yet I was stuck.
I wrestled back and forth with abortion or continuing the pregnancy. I had a second test done at a women’s center to confirm the home one. I went on auto pilot mode I guess…I called an OB office to make an appointment.

They had me schedule an ultrasound because they were unsure of gestational age. Once I saw the screen and I saw he had already formed into a baby. My mind was made up… I realized all that I couldn’t abort this child inside of me…. I am so glad I didn’t abort my youngest son because of the sin of his father. He has brought so much into my life, the life of my church and others… Life wouldn’t be the same without my precious little man Eli!”

Danielle Kleber

8 week sonogram

8 week sonogram

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Discover magazine on fetal tissue transfers

From Discover magazine, on research with fetal tissue transfer (research on implanting parts of preborn babies)

“the actual scientific accomplishments [have been] somewhat exaggerated.”

Jeff Goldberg “Fetal Attraction” Discover, July 1995

No significant progress has been made since 1995 either.


Above: xeroxed copy of list of prices for aborted babies’ organs


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20 years of research proves that unborn babies feel pain

“Over the last 20 years, medical technology and scientific research, by way of ultrasonography, fetoscopy, fetal electrocardiograms, and fetal electroencephalograms, have demonstrated the remarkable responsiveness of the human fetus to pain, touch and sound… The majority of babies aborted by this [partial-birth abortion, a late term abortion] procedure are alive and feel pain by the end of the procedure… The fact that anesthesia is now routinely used on preborn children during fetal surgery is an obvious commentary on the unborn child’s capacity to feel pain.”

Sheila Carey–Kuzmic, M.D., F ACOG, Pediatric Specialist, Board certified in Westerly, Rhode Island

Fetal Pain and Partial-Birth Abortion, Physicians Ad Hoc Coalition for Truth

Phoebe Lee Casualties of Indulgence: from Life to Aborted (New York: Writer’s Showcase, 2001)  1231-122

In a partial-birth abortion, the baby was delivered feet first and then her skull was punctured. This was very painful for the baby. Partial-birth abortion is now illegal. Abortions laid in pregnancy are now done by D&E, where the baby is dismembered. This is just as painful for the child, if not more so.


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On women and “breeding”: Margaret Sanger

Margaret Sanger, the founder of Planned Parenthood:

“Woman’s passivity under the burden of her disastrous task [to have children] was almost altogether that of ignorant resignation. She knew virtually nothing about her reproductive nature and less about the consequences of her excessive childbearing. It is true that, obeying the inner urge of their natures, some women revolted, they even went to the extreme of infanticide and abortion. Usually, their revolts were not general enough. They fought as individuals, not as a mass. In the mass they sank back into blind and hopeless subjection. They went on breeding with staggering rapidity those numberless, undesired children who became the clogs and the destroyers of civilization.”

Margaret Sanger, Women and the New Race, (New York: Brentano’s, 1920)

Sanger was very anti-child and anti-motherhood.

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Planned Parenthood lies about adoption and confidentiality

Author Phoebe Lee tells the following story from a series of interviews she did:

“In one case, a 19-year-old asked a Planned Parenthood counselor for adoption options. According to her, they could not provide her with adoption assistance. The reasons for this are unknown. They told her she could go to the local health department or children’s services to learn about such options, but “her privacy may not be guaranteed.” The girl chose to abort.”

Phoebe Lee Casualties of Indulgence: from Life to Aborted (New York: Writer’s Showcase, 2001)  52

According to the interview, the representative from the Planned Parenthood office in question indicated that most health departments and children’s services offices would not guarantee the anonymity of the birth mother. Research showed this to be untrue.


Above: Preborn baby in the first trimester. Legal to abort in every US state


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Due to fear of disability, doctor tries to get woman to abort

Author Ann Saltenberger describes an experience she had while pregnant. She became sick and spent some time in the hospital, where doctors ran a battery of tests including x-rays. She was pregnant at the time, and a doctor told her she should abort her baby. The doctor told her the following when he was driving her home:

“An hour later the green, sundrenched farmlands of South Jersey were slipping past the car windows. I settled back into the plush seat and relaxed. But Dr. L was tense and I soon found out why. “I know you’re the wrong person to say this too,” he began (I had already begun to garner a considerable reputation for my research into the effects of artificial pregnancy termination), “but you really should have an abortion.”

His words had continued, unheard. I tuned in as he was saying something about my probably having a viral affection, and German Measles is a viral infection, “and we all know what German measles does.”

“Yes, but it only does it to 25% of preborns. You’re not going to tell me that part, are you?” I thought, but I said nothing.

He droned on. The x-rays. X-rays do horrible things: twist developing bodies, destroy forming minds. No doubt about it, he was sure this baby would be retarded or deformed. Not worth worrying over. Not worth saving. Rx: abort it and forget it.”

Her baby was born perfectly healthy:

“Now, eight years later, it’s spring again. The sun is shining and the breezes are warm. And Jimmy is seven and healthy and strong, full of fun and questions and tricks. Appearance: beautiful; neurological evaluation: normal; intelligence: superior.”

Ann Saltenberger Every Woman Has a Right to Know the Dangers of Legal Abortion (Glassboro, New Jersey: Air – Plus Enterprises, 1983) 14, 17

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